A deeper realization about refocusing the mind/finding new things to do...
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Arizona
Posts: 14
A deeper realization about refocusing the mind/finding new things to do...
So happy to say that I am still sober after 3 days! And I'm feeling good!
I am thankful that I did not have to go through physical withdrawal symptoms over these past 3 1/2 days. I also feel like the usual "foggy" feeling that is characteristic of each day of being an active drunk feels like it is starting to subside, as my body and brain are now rid of pretty much all traces of alcohol in my system.
That is definitely something to be thankful for, and something to build on.
I went on a 5 mile walk after work today; something that I love to do. While doing so, I was thinking about my plans for staying real busy and mostly out of the house (which was my favorite place to drink) for this upcoming long weekend. Of course, a craving kicked in, as Memorial Day weekend here in the states has the ultra-standard aura around that says it is supposed to be filled with BBQs, parties, sitting around the pool, and swilling beer the whole time.
But, with my newly found commitment to sobriety, and a little bit of clarity, more rational thoughts came to mind. And one of them knocked me a bit upside my head.
I thought: "Man, can't you think of something better to f--king do with your time than drink!!!!"
Here you are, 35 years old, and you have spent over 1/3 of your years of life being an active drunk, and a portion of that time being a pothead who also liked to occasionally dabble in pretty much any drug other than heroin or injecting things. Time to figure something else out buddy!
Not to say that I haven't done or taken interest in many other things outside of alcohol/drugs, but during the time of active using, even while doing those things, I thought I had to be drunk/high in order to really enjoy them. Even the coolest things like favorite concerts by amazing musicians, traveling to other countries and exploring cool sights, etc., the drink would always take precedence, and I would have to get intoxicated to some degree before doing things that sometimes even would be those kind of "once in a lifetime" experiences sober.
I think it's because I habituated myself from a young age that alcohol/drugs produce the ultimate in enjoyment, despite all the negative experiences that went along with them. The few thousand hangovers and feeling like total crap each time, which were only just part of the alcohol equation, I guess just came to be expected and tolerated - but for what?!?! To feel ultimately dizzy and out of it while drunk, to blackout, to spend too much money and have nothing to show for it, the wasted time, the weight gained, the putting of my health at risk, the bloodshot eyes, the reeking of alcohol, the isolation, and just all the other stupid crap that came with it.
Really self, WTF! You couldn't figure out anything better to revolve your days around for 12 years than that!?!?
Yes, even I am confused as to why I wasted so much on nothing, aside from knowing that it stemmed from an insane affinity for excess consumption of alcohol and mind-altering substances in order to supposedly fill a portion of myself that sometimes felt empty, anxious, depressed, and bored.
So really, today, while taking the aforementioned walk, I determined in probably a much clearer way than before, that I truly need to refocus my mind on what is real and what is nonsense, and to really find more and new things to occupy myself than slowly killing myself through drink.
And bottom line, the ultimate state of being that humans and other animals have evolved to and/or were created to be in is that of homeostasis, which in other words is the maintenance of equilibrium.
The maintenance of equilibrium among our internal physiological, psychological, and environmental systems is just what we are mostly genetically and instinctively driven to achieve. And really, homeostasis I feel could mean overall general comfort, safety, and health. It could mean lack of pain and impending danger. It could mean just being, and being content with it. And, it could mean an amazing capacity of all these internal/external systems to heal and recover from hurt and pain and danger back to a place near equilibrium.
I feel naturally it is how we are born and are meant to be.
When we drink or use drugs, our bodies/brains somehow know what to do to eventually rid of those toxic chemicals, and they perceive them as danger that needs to be quickly eliminated (as long as us addicts don't try to replace them even quicker by introducing more into the system). Our livers metabolize alcohol so that it can be flushed out by the body. Etc., etc., etc.
Most systems in the body don't want these things in there, and they want to get back to their normal, healthy state (although some other psychological and physiological pleasure reward systems do become habituated to create a drive similar to that of other needs [such as food, etc.] to create a strong drive [craving] for them that is never satisfied and always needs more, but that's a whole other topic!).
Anyways, the point I realized on a deeper level today and the point I am trying to make is:
In the most general and literal sense, humans aren't created drunk or high, and that is not our natural state!
It's almost like as addicts, we just keep fighting the feeling of homeostasis and equilibrium by throwing in something else to f--k up the mix, over and over and over and over again, like we just can't stand NOT feeling f--ked up - like overall general efforts toward health, well-being, and sobriety aren't enough. It's like we just keep vehemently fighting our natural born state.
Granted, many people have been through a lot in their lives, whatever that may be (physical pain, emotional pain, mental illness, loss, etc.), all of which in and of themselves throw off the equilibrium and intended state of well-being we are supposed to be inclined toward, so they look for alternative ways to ease the pain through chemicals, etc.
But such is the human condition. One thing that I learned a while back (and should have heeded) was about a general Buddhist philosophy and how through meditation and mindfulness, it teaches that pain and suffering are just a normal part of the human condition, and that it is how we deal with it and respond to it that has the potential to negatively exacerbate the situation. If we just let ourselves be present with and accept such things, without the mind trying to subconsciously or consciously interpret, explain, and/or run from them, then we are working more toward being at peace with those things, ourselves, and the world around us. (At least I think all that is a general precept of the philosophy. And of course something like that I'm sure takes much guidance and practice.)
Homeostasis, equilibrium, instinctual needs, pain, suffering, hurt, loss, etc., etc.... I guess these are all parts of the human condition. With almost all people, the balance tilts back and forth, one way or another, throughout life. Unfortunately with some, it tilts more often toward the painful side.
I know I've experienced my own pain outside of what I have caused myself through my drinking/using. All people have, I'm sure. What this excessively long post and my deeper realization that I have come to today are saying to my inner self is (and thank you for allowing this therapeutic way of organizing my thoughts and feelings through writing in this forum)...
It is the human condition to be sober! It is the human condition to feel this wide variety of natural experiences/components of life. They are what they are. It is how we react to them that creates healing and promotes health and well-being. Drinking/using is not any sort of solution and is not a normal way of feeling. If it was, we would have been born in that state. And with the idle time where things just are how they are and there is "nothing to do", there are zillions of other more healthy, productive, and fun ways to try to enjoy life and make the most of what we are dealt than creating a path toward self-destruction. I think now it is just about directing and refocusing the mind further toward creating a new habituation and drive to do something other than what I have gotten used to doing and what has previously not worked for me on so many levels.
With that being said, I am making productive plans right now for this upcoming long weekend other than sitting in the house and drinking beer after beer the whole time...
I am thankful that I did not have to go through physical withdrawal symptoms over these past 3 1/2 days. I also feel like the usual "foggy" feeling that is characteristic of each day of being an active drunk feels like it is starting to subside, as my body and brain are now rid of pretty much all traces of alcohol in my system.
That is definitely something to be thankful for, and something to build on.
I went on a 5 mile walk after work today; something that I love to do. While doing so, I was thinking about my plans for staying real busy and mostly out of the house (which was my favorite place to drink) for this upcoming long weekend. Of course, a craving kicked in, as Memorial Day weekend here in the states has the ultra-standard aura around that says it is supposed to be filled with BBQs, parties, sitting around the pool, and swilling beer the whole time.
But, with my newly found commitment to sobriety, and a little bit of clarity, more rational thoughts came to mind. And one of them knocked me a bit upside my head.
I thought: "Man, can't you think of something better to f--king do with your time than drink!!!!"
Here you are, 35 years old, and you have spent over 1/3 of your years of life being an active drunk, and a portion of that time being a pothead who also liked to occasionally dabble in pretty much any drug other than heroin or injecting things. Time to figure something else out buddy!
Not to say that I haven't done or taken interest in many other things outside of alcohol/drugs, but during the time of active using, even while doing those things, I thought I had to be drunk/high in order to really enjoy them. Even the coolest things like favorite concerts by amazing musicians, traveling to other countries and exploring cool sights, etc., the drink would always take precedence, and I would have to get intoxicated to some degree before doing things that sometimes even would be those kind of "once in a lifetime" experiences sober.
I think it's because I habituated myself from a young age that alcohol/drugs produce the ultimate in enjoyment, despite all the negative experiences that went along with them. The few thousand hangovers and feeling like total crap each time, which were only just part of the alcohol equation, I guess just came to be expected and tolerated - but for what?!?! To feel ultimately dizzy and out of it while drunk, to blackout, to spend too much money and have nothing to show for it, the wasted time, the weight gained, the putting of my health at risk, the bloodshot eyes, the reeking of alcohol, the isolation, and just all the other stupid crap that came with it.
Really self, WTF! You couldn't figure out anything better to revolve your days around for 12 years than that!?!?
Yes, even I am confused as to why I wasted so much on nothing, aside from knowing that it stemmed from an insane affinity for excess consumption of alcohol and mind-altering substances in order to supposedly fill a portion of myself that sometimes felt empty, anxious, depressed, and bored.
So really, today, while taking the aforementioned walk, I determined in probably a much clearer way than before, that I truly need to refocus my mind on what is real and what is nonsense, and to really find more and new things to occupy myself than slowly killing myself through drink.
And bottom line, the ultimate state of being that humans and other animals have evolved to and/or were created to be in is that of homeostasis, which in other words is the maintenance of equilibrium.
The maintenance of equilibrium among our internal physiological, psychological, and environmental systems is just what we are mostly genetically and instinctively driven to achieve. And really, homeostasis I feel could mean overall general comfort, safety, and health. It could mean lack of pain and impending danger. It could mean just being, and being content with it. And, it could mean an amazing capacity of all these internal/external systems to heal and recover from hurt and pain and danger back to a place near equilibrium.
I feel naturally it is how we are born and are meant to be.
When we drink or use drugs, our bodies/brains somehow know what to do to eventually rid of those toxic chemicals, and they perceive them as danger that needs to be quickly eliminated (as long as us addicts don't try to replace them even quicker by introducing more into the system). Our livers metabolize alcohol so that it can be flushed out by the body. Etc., etc., etc.
Most systems in the body don't want these things in there, and they want to get back to their normal, healthy state (although some other psychological and physiological pleasure reward systems do become habituated to create a drive similar to that of other needs [such as food, etc.] to create a strong drive [craving] for them that is never satisfied and always needs more, but that's a whole other topic!).
Anyways, the point I realized on a deeper level today and the point I am trying to make is:
In the most general and literal sense, humans aren't created drunk or high, and that is not our natural state!
It's almost like as addicts, we just keep fighting the feeling of homeostasis and equilibrium by throwing in something else to f--k up the mix, over and over and over and over again, like we just can't stand NOT feeling f--ked up - like overall general efforts toward health, well-being, and sobriety aren't enough. It's like we just keep vehemently fighting our natural born state.
Granted, many people have been through a lot in their lives, whatever that may be (physical pain, emotional pain, mental illness, loss, etc.), all of which in and of themselves throw off the equilibrium and intended state of well-being we are supposed to be inclined toward, so they look for alternative ways to ease the pain through chemicals, etc.
But such is the human condition. One thing that I learned a while back (and should have heeded) was about a general Buddhist philosophy and how through meditation and mindfulness, it teaches that pain and suffering are just a normal part of the human condition, and that it is how we deal with it and respond to it that has the potential to negatively exacerbate the situation. If we just let ourselves be present with and accept such things, without the mind trying to subconsciously or consciously interpret, explain, and/or run from them, then we are working more toward being at peace with those things, ourselves, and the world around us. (At least I think all that is a general precept of the philosophy. And of course something like that I'm sure takes much guidance and practice.)
Homeostasis, equilibrium, instinctual needs, pain, suffering, hurt, loss, etc., etc.... I guess these are all parts of the human condition. With almost all people, the balance tilts back and forth, one way or another, throughout life. Unfortunately with some, it tilts more often toward the painful side.
I know I've experienced my own pain outside of what I have caused myself through my drinking/using. All people have, I'm sure. What this excessively long post and my deeper realization that I have come to today are saying to my inner self is (and thank you for allowing this therapeutic way of organizing my thoughts and feelings through writing in this forum)...
It is the human condition to be sober! It is the human condition to feel this wide variety of natural experiences/components of life. They are what they are. It is how we react to them that creates healing and promotes health and well-being. Drinking/using is not any sort of solution and is not a normal way of feeling. If it was, we would have been born in that state. And with the idle time where things just are how they are and there is "nothing to do", there are zillions of other more healthy, productive, and fun ways to try to enjoy life and make the most of what we are dealt than creating a path toward self-destruction. I think now it is just about directing and refocusing the mind further toward creating a new habituation and drive to do something other than what I have gotten used to doing and what has previously not worked for me on so many levels.
With that being said, I am making productive plans right now for this upcoming long weekend other than sitting in the house and drinking beer after beer the whole time...
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
There is a whole world of thing to do and see out there .
Join the at least 50 % of the worlds' adult population who don't drink alcohol .
Lots of thoughts and notions went through my head in the early months of sobriety , keep choosing the sober path .
Keep on , m
Join the at least 50 % of the worlds' adult population who don't drink alcohol .
Lots of thoughts and notions went through my head in the early months of sobriety , keep choosing the sober path .
Keep on , m
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