Still paying for my past...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 38
Still paying for my past...
I'm 102 days sober today. Previously I was stringing together a few weeks here and there. I was called for a state job that requires a thorough medical exam. I was passing everything just fine: vision, urine, blood, hearing, blood pressure, pulmonary function, and more. I went to the last phase and a physician listened to my arteries and told me that it sounds as though I have a "carotid bruit," which normally only occurs in old people (I'm 29). He listened twice and said that I have to go to see a cardiologist and I could be disqualified from obtaining this job. Things were finally going good for me. This is the best opportunity that has come my way in a long time. And, I could have a major health problem. I can't help but wonder if this has anything to do with all of my partying, drinking, smoking, cocaine use in the past. I haven't used cocaine in 1.5 years, but who knows. It hurts me on another level to think that I could have caused this to myself at my age. I will find out at the cardiology appointment I have set for tomorrow. I'm scared.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 36
Hey Compass, Don't jump to conclusions. If you do have the medical problem it could be a blessing that you found it before it got worse. If you don't it's a double-blessing because you don't have the problem AND you get the job.
Keep up posted. I'll say a prayer for ya tonight.
Keep up posted. I'll say a prayer for ya tonight.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,935
It does not matter if this was a consequence of your past drinking or drugging.
You had a disease which might have led to a another disease or condition, like your heart condition.
You did not ask to be afflicted by either condition, cardiac problems or addiction.
It might be that you were pre-disposed to this meaning, the heart problem was always going to happen but your other disease made it happen a bit quicker.
You deserve the same treatment, compassion, care and support as everyone else, addict or not should not come into the equation in any way shape or form.
you have nothing to feel ashamed of. We all could say 'I wish I had never drunk that or got involved with taking that'.
But that helps no-one
Your symptoms are here now and they need treating now.
That's it, nothing more needs to be mentioned.
Delving into the past and mulling over bad choices and risky behaviour is merely stopping you become better and back to good health.
You deserve a healthy, pain free existence with a the best possible quality of live you can have.
You don't need punishing, you just need making better.
Try not to be scared or worry too much.
There is a big link between stress and illness.
I should imagine too that at 29years old, you are in a better position to fight this condition, get better and conquer it than if you were 89 years old.
I wish you the best xx
You had a disease which might have led to a another disease or condition, like your heart condition.
You did not ask to be afflicted by either condition, cardiac problems or addiction.
It might be that you were pre-disposed to this meaning, the heart problem was always going to happen but your other disease made it happen a bit quicker.
You deserve the same treatment, compassion, care and support as everyone else, addict or not should not come into the equation in any way shape or form.
you have nothing to feel ashamed of. We all could say 'I wish I had never drunk that or got involved with taking that'.
But that helps no-one
Your symptoms are here now and they need treating now.
That's it, nothing more needs to be mentioned.
Delving into the past and mulling over bad choices and risky behaviour is merely stopping you become better and back to good health.
You deserve a healthy, pain free existence with a the best possible quality of live you can have.
You don't need punishing, you just need making better.
Try not to be scared or worry too much.
There is a big link between stress and illness.
I should imagine too that at 29years old, you are in a better position to fight this condition, get better and conquer it than if you were 89 years old.
I wish you the best xx
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 60,063
You may never know what caused this condition. And, it's possible the cardiologist will have a different opinion. At any rate, if you do have this health issue, it's much better that you know about now and hopefully you can take steps to improve things.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 38
Thanks for all of the support. I was really upset over this yesterday. I went to my doctors appointment after work today and he said that he does not hear a "bruit" - tremendous sigh of relief, but I am not out of the woods yet. The doctor said that listening for the bruit can be somewhat opinionated and I will get an objective test, which is an ultrasound. I am supposed to wait for my insurance to clear it but I cannot wait that long. I've been going around since I got this news yesterday wondering if I am at risk for a stroke and what this means for my life and my future. I booked the appointment for the ultrasound for first thing tomorrow morning. This will be what tells for sure.
Some really great advice here from you all - thank you so much. Whether or not this turns out to be there, my thinking has taken a dramatic shift already. I reality of the consequences of harming my body and continually thinking that there will be more time, and that I am young enough to re-cooperate. Its not always true. Our bodies and health are so damn precious.
Sasha - What you said about having a disease that may have cause another disease really made me think of things in a different light. Instead of hating myself for where I once was and who I used to be... accepting that I have this disease and there is no point in mulling over past mistakes.
Thanks again, everyone. This has been a difficult 24 hours and I haven't told anyone in my family and only one friend because I don't want to worry everyone. The support means a lot.
Some really great advice here from you all - thank you so much. Whether or not this turns out to be there, my thinking has taken a dramatic shift already. I reality of the consequences of harming my body and continually thinking that there will be more time, and that I am young enough to re-cooperate. Its not always true. Our bodies and health are so damn precious.
Sasha - What you said about having a disease that may have cause another disease really made me think of things in a different light. Instead of hating myself for where I once was and who I used to be... accepting that I have this disease and there is no point in mulling over past mistakes.
Thanks again, everyone. This has been a difficult 24 hours and I haven't told anyone in my family and only one friend because I don't want to worry everyone. The support means a lot.
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