Lola23

Hi Everyone,
I've posted on this site about 3 months ago when I realized that I really need to seek some help for my behaviour. I tried to get sober a couple of times, and made it to about 10 days each time. Was very proud of myself, and then had one or two nights of very moderate drinking (1 -3 drinks over course of dinner and night out) but then of course went into a downward spiral of binge drinking. Just today I'm coming off of essentially a 5 day bender, which is usually the point at which I actually have a deadline that I blew off for days that is coming due.
Today I woke up in a cold sweat and am really struggling to get some work done that I cannot put off any longer (was actually due yesterday).
Until now, I really wasn't even sure if I wanted to completely quit drinking as I told myself that I like it and I can just keep it under control. But I really don't think that is possible for me and I have a lot to lose if I continue on this path.

I really don't know what I'm asking here, but just wanted to come back to this site to get some ideas and support. I'm actually going to look into some detox programs or something, but I don't know how that would work with work (what do you tell work? That you're going on a vacation). So maybe some sort of outpatient program would work for me. I just don't know and I know I can continue like this.

LBrain

welcome back lola, you can do this

Ruby2

Welcome back. It is always hard to ask for help but it is the best gift you can give yourself. When I quit I called my supervisor on a Sunday while intoxicated and flat out told her that I was an alcoholic and needed treatment. I did get a month off and I did follow through. I did detox followed by 16 days of inpatient treatment followed by ninety AA meetings in ninety days.

I would probably not recommend that route for everyone. The how to call the employer part I mean - the other stuff I do recommend. It was risky and I was desperate. Depending on your job, your available vacation and sick leave and your employer maybe a modified approach of asking for some time to take care of some personal business would work. If not, many places have outpatient programs in the evening. I had previously done outpatient and needed something more rigorous but you might not. Research what is available to you. Good luck and welcome back.

Lola23

Thanks everyone, I just went back and read the post I made here almost exactly 4 months ago and I am literally in almost the exact same situation again (days long bender, totally blowing off any of my responsibilities).

The last time, I "got sober" for 10-12 days...twice, with no support except coming to this site and just general online research. And after 10 days I truly felt good. But I think I know now that I do need some additional support. Especially since I've been lying to my family and friends about how bad my drinking has escalated, I don't really feel like I can turn to them now for support during recovery.

Ruby2 - thanks for the suggestion. I am going to get through the next couple of days with work things and planning to research some outpatient evening programs.

Hawk07

Try starting off with a visit to a dr. (I know is scary and embarrassing at first) tell him/her how much, how often, how long and what. They'll be able to decide whats safest for you, inpatient detox or out patient. If you have any sick leave or vacation time use that if you need to. Welcome back. I know how brutal those benders can be.

CAPTAINZING2000

You didn't get sober, you abstained from drinking for 12 days. Sober is abstaining one day at a time for the rest of your life if, you are an alcoholic.
There isn't moderation for a real alcoholic .

anotherquitter

If you need help it is available. Please try to have the courage to go to your first AA meeting. It may or may not be for you but it is at least a step you can make to show yourself you are ready to quit. You'll be around others who have been exactly where you are now and can help you take the next steps.

You are taking a step along your path to recovery just by posting here. Follow up with more action.

Lola23

This makes sense to me, I never really thought about the idea that I was "abstaining for a few days" vs. "getting sober".

PurpleKnight

Welcome back Lola!!

Verte

Hey Lola,

Welcome back!

Posting on this forum really helps to keep a person accountable while going through the whole process.

Stick around!

Lola23

I've had a really tough day today as I've been drinking nonstop and heavily for the last 17 days (yes, I just counted). Before that, yes I was drinking every day, but the last 2 weeks at work have been slow so either I could "work from home" which means I start drinking by noon or come in and pretty much zone out, so I was not deterred the night before to stop. Also I've been in the process of ending a 2+ year relationship and just these past 2 weeks its been clear that this time, it is really over. Hard not having him around, even just to talk to over text message a few times a day and at night, and so really turned to the booze to fight the loneliness and feelings of "why can't he just love me".

This morning was rough and I actually had to accomplish something today so really had to fight the blurry vision, sweats, shakes. I've been reading on this forum periodically throughout the day, and its helped just to know that others have been where I am now. This seems like a useful site and the members seem kind and want to help. I appreciate it.

Hawk07

Hi Lola,

I was 'dumped' from a long term relationship just this past February, I lived with him for 2years and was slammed with loneliness and despair afterwards. There I was alone in the house we shared and I couldn't even talk to him (my best friend). My alcoholism played a major role in the demise of our relationship, he just couldn't take it any more and lost all respect for me. I feel ya on the loneliness. So what did I do? I turned to alcohol of course and got in even deeper over the course of just a few months. Sometimes I needed a couple drinks in the morning just to function enough to get to work.. And soon I was calling in sick left and right drinking every day.

I suggest you see a dr... I'm on day 9 and everyone's different but I just couldn't take the physical withdrawals I was going through in the first few days, sweaty, shaky anxiety through the roof. It can be dangerous to withdrawal from alcohol. Don't be embarrassed to ask for help from a medical professional. They see folks like us all the time and will help you get through in a safe and more comfortable way.

Dee74

Welcome back Lola

If you think you need detox then by all means look into things like that,. or consult your Dr.

If you want help *staying* sober then maybe one of the recovery group approaches could help
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach like Rational Recovery.

There's also counselling options or inpatient or outpatient rehab?

The main thing tho - whatever you decide to do - is do something.

You can make recovery permanent - but you need to work at it
D

serious

hi. and support you will get.

it takes a while to "figure things out". that's ok.

get over the next few days and things will start improving. but you do need to find something else to do besides drinking.

what do you like to do?
any hobbies?
what motivates you?
would you consider volunteering somewhere?

least

Welcome back! I hope our support can help you get sober for good this time.

Hevyn

I'm very happy you came back to us Lola. It sounds like you're ready for the big change. Keep talking to us.