donz

I've had it with drinking, I just saw a quote on someones post non alcoholics don't lay awake at 2.30am wondering if they are alcoholics ' that hit home to me, because that IS me.
I don't want to drink anymore, I tell myself I will cut down but I know that I can't, I know that if I have one glass of wine I will finish the bottle, probably open another one. I get anxious if I am out drinking at someones house or party about the booze running out - who does that?
I promise myself that I won't drink during the week but I only last two days, I'm home sick from work today because I couldn't stop drinking, I wanted to stop drinking but when my friend bought my alcohol I felt inclined to stay.
I miss out on things because I'd rather drink, then regret it and beat myself up the next day.
I was going to ask your opinion, 'am I an alcoholic?' But I think I know the answer.

I just don't know what to expect from a meeting. I live in Sydney so there will probably be a lot of people there, will I have to talk the first time, or can I just listen? Should I pay? If anyone could let my know what to expect I would be very grateful.
Thank yoy

deeker

You don't have to talk ever if you don't want to. Just go in , sit down. Most people may not even
know you are new if you don't tell them. Meetings are so laid back, relaxed.

One person volunteers to chair the meeting. The meeting is opened up with a few different readings.
They will ask if anyone is new?

I would raise my hand if I were you so then you can see the show of support.

We all had our first meeting so we know how it feels.

Just sit back and relax. People will raise their hand and the chairperson will call on them. There is no
crosstalk, people just take turns sharing.

Here is a link to an AA Big Book, it explains what this illness is all about.

Big Book Online Fourth Edition

Linked with Permission of AA World Service, inc

That was a big step coming here! Give yourself a pat on the back

zeroptzero

No one can really tell you if you are an "alcoholic." Does it really matter? Call it what you will, you sound a lot like me. I went through what you are going through, and so have many others. I don't think you should be terrified. It seems to me like you are finally facing the issue.
Can't tell you about meetings in Sydney. Never had the pleasure. You don't have to talk, you should listen. Nothing to be afraid of.

deeker

No you don't have to pay, they will pass a basket. Throw a dollar in there if you want, if you can't no one cares.

No one is passing judgement there. You will walk out of there with a lot of hope.

hardhearts

Hey, that's my signature

No one can tell you if you're an alcoholic, but you have a lot of great self-awareness up there which is awesome and it reminds me a lot of me. Go to a meeting, see if you like it. Every meeting will be a little different so if you don't click with one, shop around. It's really not a huge deal, I sat in the back and was quiet for awhile; no one will bother you aside from a few friendly hellos which I was actually grateful for. Listen for the similarities, not the differences. If anyone calls on you to speak, just say "I'm just going to listen, thanks." In my home group it is not uncommon for even oldtimers to pass on sharing at times. Don't stress about that.

Best of luck to you, there is a lot of great support here x

Dee74

Welcome Donz
You'll find a lot of support here - and a little bit of hop too

I came here 7 years ago sick and tired - SR helped me. I know we'll help you too

D

Tiptree

You are describing me exactly and unfortunately it doesn't get better unless you change it, with lots of help of course. Who really cares "alcoholic" or not at 2:30 in the morning when your heart is racing, you're sweating, and know you won't make it into work (again) and the crushing guilt and self loathing that goes with it. I changed, you can change and it's so worth it. Hard to believe that , with sober time, you can sleep like a baby and not be craving alcohol. It ain't easy. I initially signed a pledge on Belle's site ( tired of thinking about drinking) for 100 days to not drink, no matter what. I had so many days when I wanted to say f*** it! this is too hard. But I listened to advice, here and on other blogs, and coped. Now at 8 months it's not all rainbows and unicorns, but life is so much better and I can feel the universe smiling on me sometimes. You deserve to live your authentic life and you can't do that drinking or using. Get off hell's treadmill and live.

instant

Hey Donz glad you are here. Cant tell you about meetings ive never been. I struggled for years with the type struggles you describe- the story was old and stale long before i was able to secure sobriety.

There are a lot of questions and uncertainty early one- i think that's part of the deal- i felt raw and unstable for some time. Don't drink and things get better from there- it is a journey- best regarded as an adventure

donz

Thank you everyone for your positive and uplifting replies. I am glad I found this forum, and I have also been listening to a podcast called The Bubble Hour which is a fantastic look at what I am doing and what lies before me.
I think its easy to associate 'alocoholic' with a homeless, crazy lady on the streets, not with a thirty something semi professional who looks and acts normal - aside from the fact that she is a functioning alcoholic - and only barely functioning at that!

Hevyn

Glad to meet you Donz! When I joined here I'd been drinking all my life. It meant so much to me to have the support of those who understood what I was going through. Congratulations on your decision to have a better life.

GotGrace

Hey donz, I just want to welcome you and reiterate the fact that you are not alone! I was in a very similar spot last August. You are on the brink of a great change in your life! It is not always easy but it is always worth it. As for meetings, the few that I have attended have been welcoming and helpful. Everyone understands. Everyone there has been in your shoes. You can do it!