TiredEnough

I don't mean to laugh but I had to chuckle at this. A person coming to an alchoholic recovery site talking about how awesome it was to get hammered over the weekend?

My dope was opiates and benzos. I think I'll down some and head back over to Substance Abuse and tell everyone how much fun I had.

Lance40

I'm glad you felt the weekend had a positive outcome for you with a deeper resolve to not drink. In future situations where you may be tempted to drink I would encourage you to refer back to this weekend to remember your resolve and that you said goodbye to alcohol.

One thing I'm learning is the the "addictive voice" is very sneaky and can make a strong case why it would be okay to drink just this once. One way I see it could affect you is to tell you that you drank moderately this weekend so you should be able to do it again without a problem.

"Playing the tape forward" is a very effective tool to combat the addictive voice. Based on your history with alcohol, play out a mental movie of how drinking eventually ends up for you whether that be I'm terms of hours, days, weeks, months or years. The patterns you've established in the past are the most likely outcomes you will experience in the future unless you are committed to a radically different plan

LBrain

A mutual breakup is just that. Mutual. I never heard of alcohol wishing someone well and saying good luck I'll never see you again and I'm happy for you. Quite the opposite in fact.

That's all I have to say about that.

Hawk07

Thank you for your honesty Lisbon. I think we're all just disappointed to see a fellow addict fall of the wagon and try to spin it in a positive way. Yes maybe you did have a few epiphanies about your relationship with alcohol but the fact is you relapsed. There are many of us on here struggling like crazy to abstain..but lets face it, every where we turn in the real world we'll see it on tv, in movies, in ads, shelves of it in the grocery stores while buying food, other people drinking and having a good time in restaurants when we eat out... So we can't avoid seeing it and seeing others enjoying it but I think some consider this a 'safe' place where we can go for silence and peace from that... I hope you keep posting Lisbon. We all just care about you and want to support you in the right direction, that's all. Call it tough love

WanderingBear

I don't believe that making your last experience with alcohol a good one is any help whatsoever. In fact, I believe it sets you up perfectly to drink again until something bad happens. Take it from someone who has not had a drink in more than 12 years. The last night I drank, I had no idea it would be the last. But the next day, I spent a substantial amount of time puking my guts out as I laid around the toilet on the bathroom floor. It was so violent that I popped a blood vessel in my eye (which I had to try to explain for a week). I had to cancel my plans that day for something I had looked forward to for weeks. I decided I never wanted to feel like that again in my life, and I have not. Had I not had such a terrible day, I am not sure when/if I would have quit. I literally made the decision that day.

SonomaGal

First off good on you for getting back on the horse. I read your message and the replies and was reminded of my friend whose husband of 15 years left her for another. At first she desperately wanted him back, after he groveled of course! She even told me she wanted to be with him no matter what, or at the very least "hold him once last time". As an outsider, I knew this was crazy thinking, but she just didn't see it. Yet.

Now I'm not saying alcohol broke your heart and messed up your life, but I know there are a lot of people here for whom this is the exact case. When they hear a "happy" reunion (relapse) it triggers them. I am sure you did not in any way mean to freak other people out, so I would just take it as a life lesson, and a mistake I would guess any number of us could have made in the early days of recovery. Keep reaching out!

SuperMario

So very true. I had no intention of quitting when I went out last Friday. It was coming to on Saturday, drinking again, being sick from 8 in the evening till 5.30 the next morning with my mother and partner in tears that made me think - no more. It was a beautiful weekend here in the UK, and there I was, with amazing people in my life and everything to live for, bent over a sick bucket being violently sick after having humiliated myself the night before and losing items I'd worked hard and paid hard for.

SuperMario

The way I saw this was - I have battled this for nearly a decade now. And I am always going to long for "just one last time". But it will never be one the last time. I have two choices - carry on my drunken life, or forge a new, sober one. Cut the ties. I did. And I can tell you - as hard as it is thinking I'll never drink again, I am already so much calmer. This is because I know I will never have to feel drunken humiliation or shame again. And that feeling is so much more powerful than a "final" fling with the devil.

ontherightpath

Hey Lisbon, I have relapsed several times. Do I learn something each time? Absolutely! Some good experiences, some bad. It's unpredictable for me. It's not worth the gamble, but for me that's not always enough. So I fail to be perfect and pick up again. It's sooo frustrating. Recovery for me, is a learning experience. I am learning. Recovery is just as progressive as alcoholism.

Croissant

Welcome to the site. Don't worry, over time, you will see the posts are actually well- intentioned. For the very reasons you state above.

Early sobriety is an emotional time, I think everyone should cut each other some slack and respect each other's journey. I understand if you are new to the site, you see things from a different perspective. Likewise, I think it's fair to respect others who have actually achieved a reasonable amount of sober time, and made the changes necessary to begin recovery.

Again, welcome. There are many posters who annoyed me when I first came here and I now realise they had the insight that I didn't have when I first started my journey.

Be well.

Dee74

Sorry I haven't had the chance to respond to this yet PayingTheTaxMan.

There are different kinds of support. There's the hugging, you go man, and I believe in you kind of support - which is very important.

There's also the 'dude, the way you're thinking is dangerous - I know cos I've been there' kind of support.

It's the second one I think people are trying to give here.
I think that kind of support may even be more valuable sometimes.

Some do it more gracefully than others, granted, but I'd hate for anyone - especially the OP - not to see the good will behind it.

I wrote a thread a while back on, if not this subject exactly, a similar one- it says more expansively what I'm trying to get at here.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...get-drunk.html

Never give your addiction an even break. It doesn't deserve one.

D

BoiledOwl

Hey Libson:

IF (and that's a big IF) you're able to just quit drinking for anything like a year, and be just fine, then there's good news. You're probably not an alcoholic (remember that IF). IF that's the case, you might just have a drinking problem. And what people with drinking problems do is to quit drinking, clean up their acts, and move on with life.

It sounds like that's what you think you are -- a hard drinker.

If, however, you identify as an alcoholic, which is someone who cannot consistently control the amount he drinks once he starts, and has lost the power of choice in that first drink…then you're really in trouble if you continue to make excuses like this music festival. There will INEVITABLY be some reason to drink, and then another. And you simply won't quit drinking. That's why people are ripping you up here, man.

I'm just curious -- why did you decide to get sober, anyway?

CuteNGayYay

I totally relate to you Lisbon.. I'm the type that usually always binges on weekends and or at events.. and it goes on for a couple of days and then I feel like crap for a couple of days.. saying I need to stop.. but then eventually telling myself just this one night I'm gonna drink. and I succeed. I drink that ONE night. a few weeks later I'm like well I was successful at one night last time. Let's do it again. 3 or 4 days later I'm feeling like CRAP on the couch. It has been an ongoing cycle. I 'succeed' at that one night..and end up partying like crazy a few weeks later. I know it will never go away if I don't just stop completely. Somehow I gotta do it this time. My entire life is turned upside down. We just gotta stop while we're ahead. I'm only on Day 3 myself.

GetSmart

This is me too. I' hoping Lisbon will be back soon (and not, as the elders here no doubt fear, on another day 1). It is so clear to me that I cannot consistently drink moderately, and yet can do so often enough where the illusion of control is there. That is the danger, and the real turning point I/we struggle with early on is not to be nostalgic for drinking days, to mourn them, when we should be embracing freedom from them, or as the expression goes here on SR, to live soberly rather than just "not drinking." Still trying to turn that corner, but at least it makes sense, leaving behind even the "dry drunk."

Weaver

Don't be discouraged by the "negative" posts. They really aren't negative...they're just REAL. There isn't hostility, just well informed persons who have lived and been thru this time and time again. You may very well be sober for good (and I hope you are) but most of the time, with alcoholics, it Doesn't just end in a last (planned) hurrah with positive memories of their last drink.

Weaver

Love that "live soberly rather than just not drinking"

hardhearts

Yep. Recently someone asked if I had tried controlled drinking (though they didn't recommend it) and it made me realize I shouldn't and I can't. Because I am perfectly able to toe that line and control myself right up until the day that I don't want to anymore. It's just a matter of when that day will come - this week, this month, next month. It always comes.

FinallyReadyJN

It's called BABY STEPS! I am really saddened by such hostility and the negative feedback. We all have our demons and we each fight them the best way we know how. As an alcoholic that spent most of her drinking days blacked out drunk, I know exactly how proud this person feels that they were able to take control and not let it get to that point. While this person might not be 100% ready to give it up completely, he/she is making the necessary steps to get there. Some people can't simply go cold turkey and be successful. Trial and error, people! I applaud you for your honesty and for doing what works best for you. I sure hope this last "hoorah" helped you realize how much more fun it is to experience things sober and actually remember how much fun it was the next day. Nothing worse than hearing, "man, last night you were...."

To say that this will be the last drink of your life only puts pressure on you. I choose to take it one day at a time. I go into things now knowing I don't want to drink and it becomes much easier than telling myself, NO, you CAN'T drink.

GetSmart

I really don't think it is "hostility." No one is being hostile. It might come off that way in the sterile messaging environment, since there are no human gestures--eye contact, tone, etc. to convey compassion. Rather, it is a stern warning from those who have been there and recognize the danger of self-confidence coming in a moment of relapse, the probably delusional idea that I drank in moderation and had one last fling. If it turns out to be just that, then great, and we may never hear from Lisbon again, but it is far more likely that won't be the case and the old-timers or others are offering their best advice: a stern warning. There is a big difference between sternness and hostility.

FreeOwl

I think what comes off as hostility may simply be the cynicism and maybe even bitterness of lessons learned the hard way.

I know that I for one have been in the same general place the OP is now; lauding my 'progress', legitimately wanting to not have a 'drinking problem', still fighting off the idea that I must choose never to drink again if I want to be assured I will not wind up in a very dark place.

I think at the core everyone here wants to see you succeed in leaving the ailment of alcohol abuse behind, and are trying to show you support in their own ways.

For my part - I have been where you are and after struggling along with multiple more attempts to demonstrate 'progress' to myself, finally (god, I HOPE finally...) realized the game I was playing with myself.

All the best to you and welcome to here if sobriety is what you seek.