2muchpain

Saw my psychiatrist today, and he said a few things that really concerned me. Asked me where I go all the cuts on me (one big one on my nose, several large on my fingers and cut on one of my knee. This has happened before I also severly burned myself a few months ago and ended up in the ER. I told him I got the current cuts in a black, just like when I burned myself. Needless to say, he was not happy and said that we need come up with an immediate plan, before worse happens. Since I live alone and don't know anybody, he is concerned that I will end up hurting myself so bad, that I will need immediate help and won't be able to get it because of condition I'm in and could end up laying in my apartment for days or weeks in serious trouble, and he's right. I blackout most days I drink, so I could possible be in very serious trouble and not even know it, and with nobody checking on me, end up in even worse medical shape than I was, or worse. I never thought of it that way. He said that I have been drinking so heavy for such a long time that it wouldn't take much for me to black out. Really shook me up because I know he was right. He said a few other things that were equally scary. This kinda felt like a moment of clarity, but it sure felt like it.

ImperfectlyMe

So lets get you a game plan. Grab that moment of clarity and run with it. Did your doctor discuss a medically assisted detox?

ScottFromWI

Sometimes a wakeup call is what we need. Quite frankly there has been a lot of similar concern for you by several members of SR too as of late, but hearing it in person really makes a difference.

You mentioned he wanted to come up with a plan immediately - did any details about what that plan might be emerge from the meeting? Do you have any ideas of your own?

2muchpain

So far, he is prescribing a medication that minimizes the effects of alcohol. He also gave me two places, one has a detox and an outpatient program perfect for me since I don't work in the summer and the other has both a detox and an inpatient program. It important I fill my summers. Either place would help a lot. He is also going to see me more often I also am starting therapy this Thursday.

ImperfectlyMe

Have you called either? If you aren't working this summer, why not totally commit and go inpatient? You have nothing to loose.

Raider

That is scary. I've had that fear when H went out of town. I was so scared I'd die choking on my own vomit.
Put down the drink. Yes it's hard. Don't put that glass to your lips. Yes it's murder, but you can do this. Don't chose to die all alone in your apt. Blessings.

ScottFromWI

If your schedule allows for the inpatient option, I'd highly recommend that. What a great opportunity to get yourself back on your feet and learn a lot.

least

I hope you can at least do a detox to get sober and start again.

2muchpain

After the last time I went treatment, I promised myself never to do it again, but I'm leaning towards trying it again. Will call them tomorrow

ScottFromWI

I think that's a very wise choice. Based on your meeting with your doc it sounds like you need to do whatever it takes to beat this. Why not call today?

2muchpain

Called one. Their checking on my insurance and will call me back.

Goldcoastgirl

Yes, this is just what you need. Wish I could join you. You deserve this.

Dee74

I hope you grab this help with both hands 2much

D

2muchpain

Haven't heard back from the treatment center. Will call them Monday. Sick and tired of waiting. Meanwhile saw my new therapist on Thursday. She asked if I tried this and this and this, and I told her yes, yes and yes. She said I am just coming up with excuses. This on our first session came as a little surprised and pissed. One thing she asked if I go to Church to meet people. I said no, that I'm not a religious person. I don't see that as an excuse. There are some social gatherings that I could join, but found out at one point or another, they end up drinking. She said just order a coke. I'm 6 days sober and I'm suppose to pull that off. It took me everything to get home today without stopping in a liquor store after a crappy week. I called her later and told her how I felt. Right now, I'm just angry at everybody and everything, and I'm really ticked off I can't have a beer. Now, I know what some of you are thinking. Quit whining and quit feeling sorry for yourself. And my answer would be, SO WHAT! I'm feeling so low right now, I'm in tears, not sure why, but that is where I am. I bought all the food and cigs. to last me for the weekend so I don't need to leave my apartment for days, so I won't be tempted. That's the best I can do right now. Now that I've said all that, I feel better. Have a good night.

ScottFromWI

Sounds like you are taking some good steps and 6 days sober is something you should be proud of. It will get better, just take things a day at a time. Maybe this therapist will work, maybe not...but try and at least listen.

Dee74

The first days aren't much fun. It does get better tho - we both know that.
Congrats on 6 days 2much

D

Gakx

Hey 2muchpain,

I arrived at that conclusion near the end of drinking. I realized that no one would find me if something happened. I would likely have laid in my house for a week before anyone noticed or been dead and rotting. It started to scare me but the alcohol kept me hostage and continued with the black outs for a little while longer.

I know your situation seems like you are backed in a corner right now. Just keep calling those suckers, squeaky wheel gets the grease. I commend you for being so honest with your psychiatrist. You are almost one week sober, that is a big accomplishment.

For the record, I still have days where "oh woe is me". It is those days that I buy myself a really nice dinner or new gadget. Why? Because nobody else is going to pat me on the back even when I deserve it.

Keep coming back man, you are missed when the booze takes you away to the abyss.

Amazingglazier

Why not call today!

2muchpain

I called them three days ago, but never heard back from them. Will try again tomorrow (Sunday).

2muchpain

Part of me just wants to give up, but I won't. I know what I have been doing hasn't worked. The only two things I can think to do is hook up with a good therapist and treatment. I really don't know what else to do. I feel like I'm running out of options. It's a bad place to be when you start giving up on yourself.