Angry at myself
 

I lost so much time...
I had a lot of time to do and learn a lot of things to make my future bright, instead i stayed with my stupid low paid job where people don't appreciate value.
7 years of my life i lost. Instead of building myself a future i lost my youth working on worthless jobs paying for an useless university degree and drinking alone.

It's nothing new, but today it just hit me like a brick thrown from space. I could have been so high now. Instead i lost my youth, i was a freak, not enjoying life because of work and school and not building a future because of drinking!!!

I cried 2 or 3 times in the last 10 years, but i can't seem to stop now. I've done a lot and i forgave myself a lot, but this time i don't think i can.

I'm sorry for this useless thread, but i just had to tell someone.

It's not a useless thread. These are your feelings. And they matter.

Many of us feel as if we've lost time. Myself included. I'm paying for a university degree that isn't being used in a career. And I've worked a few fairly meaningless jobs. They were meaningless to me at the time, anyway.

Your time "lost" or ill spent can and has made you who you are now. Your character is being forged by it. Hang in there, don't drink, and go on to do some of the things that hold meaning for you. Find what means something and do that. It's really all any of use can do at any point in time.

I think you did really well to hold onto a job, pay your bills, cope with and now deal with a life threatening problem and get a degree ! wow !
I think sobriety teaches me how to be effective at dealing with life .. In a way my life only re-started 2 and a bit years ago for me .. i can't change the past but i can sure make the best of every day i get left on this glorious planet .

You have a glorious opportunity today, i hope you have another tomorrow .. you set yourself up with a win by waking without a hangover :)

Take care , m

I managed to calm myself down. All it got was a cold shower and breaking 2 empty beer bottles i found lying around in my closet :D
All the bad for a good cause though. I passed my first bad phase without alcohol.
I thought i'm getting well with sobriety, but it seems like i'm not used to have emotions and they prevailed me easily...

Thank you for your kind words, and mecanix, i wasn't coping, i was barely surviving.
I don't like what person my previous actions forged, even thinking about it gives me a bitter taste in my mouth. I guess the time is the most important thing in life and until now i acted childish and foolish.

Have a great sober night everyone!

Sounds like you have learned something in those 7 years, so it isn't a loss.

Just don't make it 8 years. You can move forward with your life, or let remorse push you back.

I quit drugs at age 30. My twenties were a big hole that I filled with getting high. But when I quit, I wasn't going to waste another second. I enrolled in college, got my degree, then my masters, changed careers, became a professional.

It didn't matter what I did in my 20s. What mattered was what I was going to do years I had remaining.

Make your remaining years matter.

I second what Carl said. :)

I don't see it as a waste of time but as a lesson. Who knows? All my "experience" as an alcoholic might help somebody recover someday. When I feel strong in my sobriety I plan on helping others to recover from alcohol and prescription drugs.

It also changed my view of people. I have much more understanding and compassion now. I used to think that alcoholics were all like Lindsay Lohan...then I became an alcoholic myself and I learned that there's pain, and suffering, and fear, and loneliness behind each binge.

The only time wasted is the time you spend feeling sorry for yourself. My apologies if it sounds harsh, I think I'm mostly trying to motivate you, but I'm not very good at it :)

Hey WS :)

I've done more in the last 7 years than I did in the 20 years before that drinking and drugging. It's never too late to 'do stuff'.

Rather than thinking of the years wasted...can you accept that maybe you had to do all that to get to where you are now?

D