New member - male 28 years old
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Leeds
Posts: 5
New member - male 28 years old
Hi,
I've really hit rock bottom, I've been takign stimulant type drugs (speed, mkat, xtc) for the past 10 years. It is every week and it has messed up all my family relationships, I have no decent friends or support around me. I'm going to counselling on Wednesday. I feel like there is a part of me that wants to destroy myself.
I'm sure its affecting my mental health now i can get paranoia and depression. I think I'm masking some pain with the drugs not sure of the reasons for it. I've been in hospital once when i had a panic attack and thought i was guna have a heart attack. I have thought I was guna collapse or get heart attack several times. Ive had pains in my left arm and heart pain. If this carrys on I think I've been given enough warnings and something worse will happen.
I ****** up with a girl i had been txting over the past month or so, i was high and just a ******* disaster, now shes just ignoring txts and it ******* sucks big time. I split with ex because of the drugs. My life is so ****... people don't wana even gte involved with me. I used to be a nice lad and now im just a reck I wish I was normal and had a good job and a car and a girlfriend but the thought of loving someone scares the **** out of me, so i isolate myself.
Well that's my introduction
I've really hit rock bottom, I've been takign stimulant type drugs (speed, mkat, xtc) for the past 10 years. It is every week and it has messed up all my family relationships, I have no decent friends or support around me. I'm going to counselling on Wednesday. I feel like there is a part of me that wants to destroy myself.
I'm sure its affecting my mental health now i can get paranoia and depression. I think I'm masking some pain with the drugs not sure of the reasons for it. I've been in hospital once when i had a panic attack and thought i was guna have a heart attack. I have thought I was guna collapse or get heart attack several times. Ive had pains in my left arm and heart pain. If this carrys on I think I've been given enough warnings and something worse will happen.
I ****** up with a girl i had been txting over the past month or so, i was high and just a ******* disaster, now shes just ignoring txts and it ******* sucks big time. I split with ex because of the drugs. My life is so ****... people don't wana even gte involved with me. I used to be a nice lad and now im just a reck I wish I was normal and had a good job and a car and a girlfriend but the thought of loving someone scares the **** out of me, so i isolate myself.
Well that's my introduction
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Hey joehu, Welcome to the Forum!! 
I think we all got to the point were we knew our addictions were only bringing pain and destruction to our lives, what it promised at the start didn't ring true after a while. So dealing with our addiction is the first step to turning life around, all those things in life will follow, but Sobriety is the first decision to make.
You'll find loads of support here at SR, plenty of like minded people on the same journey!!
I think we all got to the point were we knew our addictions were only bringing pain and destruction to our lives, what it promised at the start didn't ring true after a while. So dealing with our addiction is the first step to turning life around, all those things in life will follow, but Sobriety is the first decision to make.
You'll find loads of support here at SR, plenty of like minded people on the same journey!!
☀️⛳️
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,506
Originally Posted by joehu 
Hi,
I've really hit rock bottom, I've been takign stimulant type drugs (speed, mkat, xtc) for the past 10 years. It is every week and it has messed up all my family relationships, I have no decent friends or support around me. I'm going to counselling on Wednesday. I feel like there is a part of me that wants to destroy myself.
I'm sure its affecting my mental health now i can get paranoia and depression. I think I'm masking some pain with the drugs not sure of the reasons for it. I've been in hospital once when i had a panic attack and thought i was guna have a heart attack. I have thought I was guna collapse or get heart attack several times. Ive had pains in my left arm and heart pain. If this carrys on I think I've been given enough warnings and something worse will happen.
I ****** up with a girl i had been txting over the past month or so, i was high and just a ******* disaster, now shes just ignoring txts and it ******* sucks big time. I split with ex because of the drugs. My life is so ****... people don't wana even gte involved with me. I used to be a nice lad and now im just a reck I wish I was normal and had a good job and a car and a girlfriend but the thought of loving someone scares the **** out of me, so i isolate myself.
Well that's my introduction
I've really hit rock bottom, I've been takign stimulant type drugs (speed, mkat, xtc) for the past 10 years. It is every week and it has messed up all my family relationships, I have no decent friends or support around me. I'm going to counselling on Wednesday. I feel like there is a part of me that wants to destroy myself.
I'm sure its affecting my mental health now i can get paranoia and depression. I think I'm masking some pain with the drugs not sure of the reasons for it. I've been in hospital once when i had a panic attack and thought i was guna have a heart attack. I have thought I was guna collapse or get heart attack several times. Ive had pains in my left arm and heart pain. If this carrys on I think I've been given enough warnings and something worse will happen.
I ****** up with a girl i had been txting over the past month or so, i was high and just a ******* disaster, now shes just ignoring txts and it ******* sucks big time. I split with ex because of the drugs. My life is so ****... people don't wana even gte involved with me. I used to be a nice lad and now im just a reck I wish I was normal and had a good job and a car and a girlfriend but the thought of loving someone scares the **** out of me, so i isolate myself.
Well that's my introduction
Hi and welcome, like many of us here our stories may vary but they are very much the same, just looking to better ourselves.
Looking forward to getting to know you.
Take care.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Leeds
Posts: 5
Sometimes i do just wish I would die but these are usually times after drugs when I am on a comedown, this comedown has been extra bad. It was friday I was taking speed and still absolutely feeling crap.
I can start to feel dopamine levels rise again after a few days but then am met what feels like brick walls holding me down, feelings of guilt and having wasted my life. I'm quite intelligent but not a dorky type so its probably my imagination but I really dont feel like i fit in anywhere.
The only really good thing is that this pain, added to becoming interested in people like eckhart tolle and alan watts has opened my mind to some spiritual truths but this habit/addiction/weekly binge continues.
I think I might have some sort of avoidance problem, im hoping this counselling will help reslove anything from the past that is tying me down in fear.
I can start to feel dopamine levels rise again after a few days but then am met what feels like brick walls holding me down, feelings of guilt and having wasted my life. I'm quite intelligent but not a dorky type so its probably my imagination but I really dont feel like i fit in anywhere.
The only really good thing is that this pain, added to becoming interested in people like eckhart tolle and alan watts has opened my mind to some spiritual truths but this habit/addiction/weekly binge continues.
I think I might have some sort of avoidance problem, im hoping this counselling will help reslove anything from the past that is tying me down in fear.
Say cheese!
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,379
welcome!
I would also suggest is that u get in a program of coming of drugs, im sure u know?
Me in my early 20s I took drugs like speed and that, however I found it easier than what im going through with alcohol.
saying that addiction to whatever form it is, is very hard and as u said has caused u a lot of problems with ur health.
Me im no expert or anything so sry if I come across as anything but wanting to welcome u. These guys here are a great help and respond when can very much instant xx
Good to see u here and hope that things will get better for you xx
I would also suggest is that u get in a program of coming of drugs, im sure u know?
Me in my early 20s I took drugs like speed and that, however I found it easier than what im going through with alcohol.
saying that addiction to whatever form it is, is very hard and as u said has caused u a lot of problems with ur health.
Me im no expert or anything so sry if I come across as anything but wanting to welcome u. These guys here are a great help and respond when can very much instant xx
Good to see u here and hope that things will get better for you xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Leeds
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by Erratic
welcome!
I would also suggest is that u get in a program of coming of drugs, im sure u know?
Me in my early 20s I took drugs like speed and that, however I found it easier than what im going through with alcohol.
saying that addiction to whatever form it is, is very hard and as u said has caused u a lot of problems with ur health.
Me im no expert or anything so sry if I come across as anything but wanting to welcome u. These guys here are a great help and respond when can very much instant xx
Good to see u here and hope that things will get better for you xx
I would also suggest is that u get in a program of coming of drugs, im sure u know?
Me in my early 20s I took drugs like speed and that, however I found it easier than what im going through with alcohol.
saying that addiction to whatever form it is, is very hard and as u said has caused u a lot of problems with ur health.
Me im no expert or anything so sry if I come across as anything but wanting to welcome u. These guys here are a great help and respond when can very much instant xx
Good to see u here and hope that things will get better for you xx
I need to fill up my time also, a martial art or something like that to really get me in shape and turn things aroundm, maybe meet a few friends etc
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Conway South Carolina
Posts: 24
Hi! I am so happy that you have come to this site, you will get alot alot alot of support here i suggest going into the chatroom to be able to talk to other's as well ,it has helped me with my addiction alot, (prescription pain killers) I can completely understand how u feel and want to let you know that you have made the right choice and will be here if you ever need someone to talk to.
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