Is there something else wrong with me besides the alcohol?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: dallas, tx
Posts: 26
Is there something else wrong with me besides the alcohol?
Hi, I am a newbie. I quit drinking around May 1st...about 3 weeks ago. I quit because I was tired of feeling like crap all the time. I quit cigarettes earlier this year. Anyways, some days I feel ok and some days I still feel like crap. I am pretty sure I started drinking to overcome my social awkwardness, anxiety and depression in my early adulthood. I am now 30 and I don't feel like I've accomplished hardly anything with my life and I partly blame alcohol. So I figured maybe if I quit, my life will turn around. I only drank on weekends mostly, but I would binge drink and I realized I couldn't remember a weekend without alcohol in the past 10 years.
I know its only been a month, but so far its been hellish. The first week I was extremely irritable and just angry all the time. The next week was better. Now I am starting to get a lot of anxiety and today I am extremely depressed. I feel like I can't cope with any of the problems in my life. I don't like my job and want to get a new one but none of my ideas so far have panned out. I even applied to what I would consider my dream job, but it was already filled and I have been beating myself up about not applying sooner. I also got a new bike to get some exercise and some lady hit me the other day while I was riding it. I'm ok but now my new bike is messed up and I have to get it fixed. I screwed up and didn't get her insurance so i have to pay to get it fixed myself.
Aside from that I'm socially awkward and feel like an idiot most of the time. I went to a bar with my boyfriend and didn't drink and I had an ok time, but now looking back on it I hated it. I hate my personality and who I am. I always feel like an outcast. I am such a shy, coward of a person...hence why drinking helps me.
On the positive side, I feel lighter and stronger physically. I am doing better at work - I am more organized and have more focus. Although I feel like my increased focus is causing me a lot of anxiety and worry in other areas. I worry about the future and am constantly comparing and contrasting different scenarios and outcomes trying to decide what to do with my life. I can't make decisions. Any decision I am faced with paralyzes me. I really am starting to miss alcohol because I just want to turn my brain off. I am starting to think I have something wrong with my brain and that the alcohol wasn't what held me back, its just me. I feel like I am insane and ill equipped emotionally to deal with life in general. The sad thing is, I'm really smart and had a 4.0 in college, but I just have no social, or emotional intelligence. And that depresses me.
Well that is my story. Thanks for listening and if you have any advice, please share it with me because I need help. Thanks.
I know its only been a month, but so far its been hellish. The first week I was extremely irritable and just angry all the time. The next week was better. Now I am starting to get a lot of anxiety and today I am extremely depressed. I feel like I can't cope with any of the problems in my life. I don't like my job and want to get a new one but none of my ideas so far have panned out. I even applied to what I would consider my dream job, but it was already filled and I have been beating myself up about not applying sooner. I also got a new bike to get some exercise and some lady hit me the other day while I was riding it. I'm ok but now my new bike is messed up and I have to get it fixed. I screwed up and didn't get her insurance so i have to pay to get it fixed myself.
Aside from that I'm socially awkward and feel like an idiot most of the time. I went to a bar with my boyfriend and didn't drink and I had an ok time, but now looking back on it I hated it. I hate my personality and who I am. I always feel like an outcast. I am such a shy, coward of a person...hence why drinking helps me.
On the positive side, I feel lighter and stronger physically. I am doing better at work - I am more organized and have more focus. Although I feel like my increased focus is causing me a lot of anxiety and worry in other areas. I worry about the future and am constantly comparing and contrasting different scenarios and outcomes trying to decide what to do with my life. I can't make decisions. Any decision I am faced with paralyzes me. I really am starting to miss alcohol because I just want to turn my brain off. I am starting to think I have something wrong with my brain and that the alcohol wasn't what held me back, its just me. I feel like I am insane and ill equipped emotionally to deal with life in general. The sad thing is, I'm really smart and had a 4.0 in college, but I just have no social, or emotional intelligence. And that depresses me.
Well that is my story. Thanks for listening and if you have any advice, please share it with me because I need help. Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum!! Great to have you onboard!! 
All I would say is 3 weeks isn't enough time for the body to adjust emotionally, phsically and mentally, remember you were pouring a poison into it for 10+ years, so it's gonna take time to heal.
Stick with it though, it gets better with each passing day, focus on all those positives!!
All I would say is 3 weeks isn't enough time for the body to adjust emotionally, phsically and mentally, remember you were pouring a poison into it for 10+ years, so it's gonna take time to heal.
Stick with it though, it gets better with each passing day, focus on all those positives!!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Welcome to the family. Have you considered seeing a counselor/therapist? I see a counselor and it helps me a lot, in many ways. I can talk to her about anything and she gives me new insights into my problems.
I hope you continue to read and post. Lots of support here.
Have you considered seeing a counselor/therapist? I see a counselor and it helps me a lot, in many ways. I can talk to her about anything and she gives me new insights into my problems. I hope you continue to read and post. Lots of support here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: US
Posts: 524
Hi Angel,
Welcome,
I too am socially awkward and have a really hard time connecting with people. I drank to cope with social situations at first and quickly morphed into a binge drinker often drinking by myself just to cope with feeling so low all the time. You are not insane. It's completely normal to have to adjust to not having your usual crutch (alcohol)
Perhaps seek a therapist? I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and my drinking started getting out of control as a means of self-medication. It's been a long a tough journey for me with many set backs but slowly things are getting better. They will for you too. Just don't give up, don't drink!
Welcome,
I too am socially awkward and have a really hard time connecting with people. I drank to cope with social situations at first and quickly morphed into a binge drinker often drinking by myself just to cope with feeling so low all the time. You are not insane. It's completely normal to have to adjust to not having your usual crutch (alcohol)
Perhaps seek a therapist? I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and my drinking started getting out of control as a means of self-medication. It's been a long a tough journey for me with many set backs but slowly things are getting better. They will for you too. Just don't give up, don't drink!
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, Angel) Welcome to SR!
First, congrats on your time sober. Believe me, 3 weeks is a HUGE accomplishment.
Anxiety and depression are very common in early sobriety. And your sobriety is still way too young. Just a baby.
There is nothing wrong with you apart from being human.
You know, I could write most of your post - constantly asking "what's wrong with me", turning over and over worst and scariest scenarios in my mind, doubting my every step, etc.
Sobriety itself doesn't solve all the issues in the life. But it gives a chance to get the life together, re-discover ourselves, find inner balance and peace.
Recovery is a long journey, where getting sober is the first and must-have step. It eliminates the fog of BS and you start with clear vision. Once you have clear vision, you can start fixing.
Be patient with yourself. Make baby steps every day. Don't compare yourself to others. You have your own way.
Keep your chin up.
Best wishes to you)
First, congrats on your time sober. Believe me, 3 weeks is a HUGE accomplishment.
Anxiety and depression are very common in early sobriety. And your sobriety is still way too young. Just a baby.
There is nothing wrong with you apart from being human.
You know, I could write most of your post - constantly asking "what's wrong with me", turning over and over worst and scariest scenarios in my mind, doubting my every step, etc.
Sobriety itself doesn't solve all the issues in the life. But it gives a chance to get the life together, re-discover ourselves, find inner balance and peace.
Recovery is a long journey, where getting sober is the first and must-have step. It eliminates the fog of BS and you start with clear vision. Once you have clear vision, you can start fixing.
Be patient with yourself. Make baby steps every day. Don't compare yourself to others. You have your own way.
Keep your chin up.
Best wishes to you)
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: uk for now
Posts: 158
Years ago i lost my 2 best friends one get killed in street fight. Other one die by accidenrt few monts later. Around this times i start drink heavily. Start to care nothing change gf week by week. Wery dark and harsh times.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Hi Angel,
Welcome to SR.
What you describe sounds very familiar to me. I thought I had a drinking problem and it sounds reasonable to expect that if I stopped drinking all those problems would go away.
But in my case, taking away the alcohol seemed to make me worse if anything, much like you describe.
I have since discovered that I was suffering from untreated alcoholism. The alcohol wasn't the problem so much as it was a solution. The only time I felt half ok was when I was drinking. Then alcohol stopped working and I felt bad all the time.
One reason I was not keen about getting sober was that in my experience, sobriety was horrible.
My problem was that I found it impossible to live happily in this world without alcohol.
I found the solution was to find and develop a different way of life, with which I am now completely satisfied. That want easy, I had to do some work, but it was worthwhile. I recovered from that hopeless state and haven't needed a drink for a very long time.
Welcome to SR.
What you describe sounds very familiar to me. I thought I had a drinking problem and it sounds reasonable to expect that if I stopped drinking all those problems would go away.
But in my case, taking away the alcohol seemed to make me worse if anything, much like you describe.
I have since discovered that I was suffering from untreated alcoholism. The alcohol wasn't the problem so much as it was a solution. The only time I felt half ok was when I was drinking. Then alcohol stopped working and I felt bad all the time.
One reason I was not keen about getting sober was that in my experience, sobriety was horrible.
My problem was that I found it impossible to live happily in this world without alcohol.
I found the solution was to find and develop a different way of life, with which I am now completely satisfied. That want easy, I had to do some work, but it was worthwhile. I recovered from that hopeless state and haven't needed a drink for a very long time.
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