Lisa H.

hi, I am married to an alcoholic. I made it through the 4th of July with him going on another 3 day drunk. My kids were scared and disappointed and so was I. Where can I go for some guidance other than alanon, which just didn't seem to be right for me?

best

What is it that didn't seem right?
Do some reading here and maybe see the depth of what Al Anon may have that you may not have seen at a meeting.
Professional counseling, church group, Al Anon, friends with knowledge, the boards here. There are many places to seek answers. Ask some questions I am sure you will find many here willing to share answers.

bikewench

Hey Lisa... : )

Welcome to SR...

So.. you didn't get off on the Alanon thing eh? ; ) But your still wondering what you can do to make things right?? ; )

Unfortunately.. there is no fixing an alcoholic... or a druggie... or anyone for that matter who is caught up in the disease of addiction unless THEY choose to do something about it.

That's what Alanon is about for me. It taught me how to detach with love from my alcoholic father who I once feared and dispised... and I learned how to separate the disease from the person.


Addiction and codependency go hand in hand... and the co-dependent is half of the problem... although I'm sure you don't want to hear that.

So.. what it boils down to... is that the only person you can fix is yourself... and to hopefully show your children there is another way to make it in this life....

If you just can't get into the Alanon thing... then try reading Codependent No More or other recovery books about addicted spouses.

Hopefully.. your alkie hubbie will see you and your children moving on with a good life.. and he'll want to join you of his own free will.



I pray to the ALL to show you the way to peace ...

msgalore

Lisa, my fourth was not much different. But it wasn't my husband, it was my dad. I divorced my alcoholic husband after he progressed to drug addiction. Anyway, I wanted to point out to you something I have recently learned in my own therapy. That is that regardless of the age of your children, they are aware of more than you realize. It is so important to talk openly and honestly about what is happening with your family. Even though it may **** your husband off, even though it may be uncomfortable, even if no one acts like they want to deal with the problem, do it, do it, and do it again. Too often in my childhood I was forced to pretend that my dad's drunkenness was "normal". Unfortunately, it caused me to spend years confused about things and in the habit of pretending. Authenticity is my new goal for myself. So, the best I can offer you, is be "real" with your children. Talk about the holiday, what you hoped would have happened and how sad,mad, or whatever you felt about how things turned out. Past that, one day at a time. Breathe in, breathe out.

scott'smyson

Hi all-Anyone dealing with an alcoholic son. Mine recently turned 18-legally an adult, but in all other respects, an immature, self-absorbed child. He is living with us and is quite literally tearing my heart out. What are acceptable goals and limits?-Lynn

Chy

Hi Lisa and Lynn!

Welcome to SR!!

Please know your not alone for one! I invite you to visit the Al-Anon forum for support. You will meet many people in your shoes, and learning to handle the alcoholic and addict in your life by setting boundaries, and taking care of yourself first. I'm sorry for both of your pain, I know it's not easy to watch. But here, you will find much needed support.