Nine Months Ago Today
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Ashbourne, Meath, Ireland
Posts: 10
Nine Months Ago Today
Sunday 18th August 2013. I was coming to end of a long, destructive binge. I had been drinking vodka around the clock for weeks. I had been trying to taper off for days, unsuccessfully, and it was over a week since I had slept or ate anything. I had experienced the DT'S before, and had been hospitalized in the past with sever alcohol withdrawal, but nothing was to prepare me for what was lying ahead.
I knew the withdrawal was coming and I knew it would be bad, my money was long gone and I had been stealing vodka for a couple of weeks from various supermarkets, but my luck had run out, I was unable to leave the house, such was my physical discomfort, paranoia, and disorientation.
A few hours after my last swig of vodka the spasms started. Within an hour I was climbing the walls, writhing around on the floor, dry retching. By the time the ambulance arrived I couldn't fight it off any longer, spasms and hellish hallucinations followed, 10 times worse than any bad acid trip I have ever experienced, and I've experienced a few. It's impossible to describe DT hallucinations, but it's not merely a case of just seeing or hearing things that are not there, it's all encompassing, your mind is completely GONE, at that moment, you have lost your mind. I imagine it's more akin to someone suffering from the latter stages of dementia than it is an LSD trip.
Eventually I came around, pumped full of Librium and anti-psychotics. It took around six weeks for my head to clear, physically I'm still not 100%, liver issues as you might imagine.
Anyway, that was nine months ago today and I haven't had a drink since. I was in and out of AA for years, slipping and sliding, now I'm fully committed to recovery. I'm a chronic alcoholic, this disease will kill me if I allow it to.
Today I fully accept my alcoholism. My life isn't perfect but I've got a hell of a lot to be thankful for. I know that I'm lucky to be alive and that's not lost on me.
I no longer delude myself that maybe I could moderate my drinking, my own experience tells me otherwise. Abstinence is the only chance I have at survival. I try and embrace sobriety, it has already given me so much back in the past nine months, my beautiful son, a good job, a new house, people in my life who trust me, and peace of mind. Drink stripped me of everything, I was an empty shell, weeks away from death, how lucky I am to be where I am now. How quickly I would lose it all if I pick up that first drink.
I knew the withdrawal was coming and I knew it would be bad, my money was long gone and I had been stealing vodka for a couple of weeks from various supermarkets, but my luck had run out, I was unable to leave the house, such was my physical discomfort, paranoia, and disorientation.
A few hours after my last swig of vodka the spasms started. Within an hour I was climbing the walls, writhing around on the floor, dry retching. By the time the ambulance arrived I couldn't fight it off any longer, spasms and hellish hallucinations followed, 10 times worse than any bad acid trip I have ever experienced, and I've experienced a few. It's impossible to describe DT hallucinations, but it's not merely a case of just seeing or hearing things that are not there, it's all encompassing, your mind is completely GONE, at that moment, you have lost your mind. I imagine it's more akin to someone suffering from the latter stages of dementia than it is an LSD trip.
Eventually I came around, pumped full of Librium and anti-psychotics. It took around six weeks for my head to clear, physically I'm still not 100%, liver issues as you might imagine.
Anyway, that was nine months ago today and I haven't had a drink since. I was in and out of AA for years, slipping and sliding, now I'm fully committed to recovery. I'm a chronic alcoholic, this disease will kill me if I allow it to.
Today I fully accept my alcoholism. My life isn't perfect but I've got a hell of a lot to be thankful for. I know that I'm lucky to be alive and that's not lost on me.
I no longer delude myself that maybe I could moderate my drinking, my own experience tells me otherwise. Abstinence is the only chance I have at survival. I try and embrace sobriety, it has already given me so much back in the past nine months, my beautiful son, a good job, a new house, people in my life who trust me, and peace of mind. Drink stripped me of everything, I was an empty shell, weeks away from death, how lucky I am to be where I am now. How quickly I would lose it all if I pick up that first drink.
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