Cactus73

Though it became apparent to me last week that my drinking had crossed the "invisible line" as i saw a recovery counselor, tonight I rationalized a glass of wine (my drink of choice) as a "closing" to my best friend. Now feeling terribly guilty after a week of abstinence, like I opened the door again. This coincided with a party with my friends who repeatedly questioned my preference for diet coke over margaritas. What do i tell them?

I am new to this and was what outsiders consider to be "highly functional" before I finally admitted to myself that i am an alcoholic. I haven't had the opportunity (yet) to hit bottom, though I see its presence looming.

I am skeptical about attending AA but know I would benefit from some support.

Can anyone provide help? I could keep drinking for years without anyone noticing but I don't want to do so, for my sake, and for my loving family.

LSC1

Congratulations on your decison cactus ... welcome to SR ... you will find a lot of support here.

Cactus73

Thank you, LSC1.
It means so much to me to be welcomed into sobriety.

Gottalife

Alcohol was my drink of no choice. I was a dysfunctional alcoholic, for want of a better term,, what the medical term would call severe alcohol use disorder.

Here the experts suggest that for milder cases of alcoholic use disorder, a new generation of knowledgeable doctors are there to help, along with therapists and counsellors. For the severe cases like mine, the suggest AA as a "fantastic" organisation.

In AA speak.. Whether or not you can quit on a non spiritual basis will depend on the extent to which you have already lost the power to chose whether you will drink or not.

We all wanted to be in the mild class, but us real alcoholics always went from functional to the bottom of the barrel if we kept drinking. Maybe you can straighten out in time. If not we might see you down here. It's not so bad. AA certainly worked well for this hopeless case.

Cactus73

Thank you, Gottalife, I am already "down there", at least in my own self (kept secret from most others). I need help- how do I find it? This forum Is the first time I have admitted to myself that i am an alcoholic. What is next?

Gottalife

Depending on where you are, my suggestion is to ring the AA helpline in your area and ask to have someone come see you to talk about your problem and see if AA might be suitable. The best thing is to keep an open mind on that until you have checked it out fully.

On this site you will also find other methods suggested. Some I have tried and they did not work for me, others are not available here so I have no useful experience to share.
But there are other approaches which you may find helpful, so keep posting and looking.

Cactus73

Thank you, Mike. You are kind to reply to my post and I wish you well. I will follow your advice and surely be grateful for it.
Best,
Cat

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

I was pretty "high functioning", never lost a job, had a DUI, always made work on time. But inside I knew I had a problem and something had to change, I had to get Sober to or would have probably progressed to that rock bottom event.

You'll find loads of support and advice her, great to have you onboard!!

Gottalife

Let me know how you get on Cat. If I can do anything to help, send me a PM, and I will reply as soon as I can. I well remember being just where you are, and doing just what you are going to do. It was the start of a whole new and wonderful life for me. There is no reason it can't be the same for you. All the best.

hayley86

Welcome Cactus73, you'll find tons of support and advice here. Glad you have joined us. Best wishes.

Cactus73

Thanks to all who have replied. You are life-safers no matter what your dedicated profession. No doubt I will call upon you in my "trigger" moments. Look forward to this sober, well, and engaged journey forward with you all.

Cactus73

I have already lost the power. I am afraid of what is next, as i am a physician in a position of authority (though my drinking has never put any patient at risk as I hold the Hippocratic oath higher than andy promise I have ever given).
What on earth do I do now?

IOAA2

Welcome. You post feelings most of us had when we were new.

"I am skeptical about attending AA but know I would benefit from some support."

My only option when I finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired was AA as it was in a period much prior to the internet.
There were things I didn't like though the people were/are great, I needed to find out the real bad side for me as I continued to drink. It is a progressive disease and I could see the handwriting on the wall as I plunged lower and lower. Finally I started to follow the suggestions people spoke of in their success stories which has let to a lot of sober years. It's a simple program for complicated people that works if we let go of old ideas and follow the program as it's laid out. It's was suggested to go to 90 meetings in 90 days and if you don't like the results your misery is refundable.

BE WELL

IOAA2

There are meetings for "professionals" who can't honestly be seen at public meetings tho I personally don't recommend them.

BE WELL

Cactus73

I want to recover and would prefer to talk to people outside my chosen profession. Must I speak out at my first meeting?

justinJustQuit

Same here, but I was close. The good news is we never have to go back!

IOAA2

Even tho I'm an old timer, when I came around to meetings the old timers would say sit up front and listen to learn as you have not much to contribute about staying sober. I'm more liberal than that and at times certain things come to mind about not wanting to drink or questions in general, fine. All that we might want to say if asked at a discussion meeting is I'm Richard and I'll listen today, unless you change your mind. There are different types of meetings in general.
O = open to all.
OS = open speaker meeting, where a only a few will speak of their experiences.
CS = closed Step meeting where the steps of the program are studied.
BB = Big Book is read and discussed.
G - Gay.
AA is NOT a religious program which scares many from even investigating it. It's called a spiritual program and it's YOUR Higher Power that's made reference to, not a religious one if you choose.

BE WELL

instant

There is a lot of fear early on- it takestime to settle down into learning to live sober. I am glad you found SR

huntingtontx

Welcome to SR. I am glad I found it before I hit rock bottom. I still had to many nights I don't remember, and said and did stupid stuff. If is so good to be free of alcohol. I proudly state. I don't drink. End of conversation. If I go somewhere where drinking will be going on, I bring my green tea. It looks pretty in a glass, and I love it. No one really cares if you are drinking or not. Most don't even give it a thought. Welcome to SR,. I can't tell you about AA as I have never been, but here in SR we have meetings on Tuesday and Friday at 8pm central time. I sign in every day in the 24 hour support thread, where I promise not to drink for the next 24 hours. There are also class posts for each month. Look for May 2014 and there are others that are quitting with you this month. As you look around this site you will find lots to read and learn. I love just reading posts and trying to help others. This site is a wonderful place to start. I am looking forward to getting to know you.

Erratic

To me you seem to have had ur first speak? you told u a couple things which only u know how much u will give out.

My first meeting is that they will offer u to speak, but your able to say sry im not able to. As ur profession u should know also there is other things than AA, there is also other alcohol treatment. All is confidential as like what u do. Take a look around xx

good luck on ur journey and hope that u can use this place to help xx