living in the now.grieving the past..
In Memory Of
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Connecticut.
Posts: 3,736
living in the now.grieving the past..
Today I realized that in letting go for me there is a grieving process.I never thought I would mourn the loss of alcohol or drugs in my life but I miss there numbing effects today.Knowing full well that when the numbness wears off there is pain that would be to hard to bear again as a result of using.What I realize is that drinking is not an option for me today or why the grief?Coming to realize my reactions to things in the present are feelings that come from the past and in knowing that starting to let go,wondering if these things have to be surgically removed ?How to go about letting go?Letting go of lost children that soon may go off to war?Of a love gone never to return?Of old behaviors and coping skills that dont work anymore..having health issues that are here to stay..letting go of my body as it once was?I can answer my own questions in that keeping the focus on myself I know the answers will come and I will be givin the strength to move foward.I understand today that letting go is a process I am moving out of the denial phase and going thru anger and pain at this moment.In working my 4th step it stirs me to change..I am free from alcohol and drugs today now I am moving on to be free of my other demons...which brings to mind trust god clean house..I hope this makes sense to someone...blessings,Trish
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Charlottesville, Va
Posts: 632
Trish!! Great post, sweetie. Your not alone, I go back to these same particular thoughts. What my sponsor tells me is to go back to my 3rd step. By making a decision to turn my will and life over to the care of god, I'm turning everything over. That not matter what happens in my life to have faith that god has something better in store me. I know that feeling of wondering if that love will ever come back. It took me a long time to get over it, I prayed every day for this woman in my life or something better, if that's god's will for me. I still pray for knowledge of gods will for me and the power to carry that out, every day, sometimes four times a day. Keep Coming Back!
The truth shall set you free
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 5,267
Trish
Those old behaviors, thoughts and feelings served a purpose once. We believed we needed them for survival. Today we need to accept our choice, grieve our losses and forgive ourselves. The losses are the result of our children, spouses and our selves not being there consistently. Being there means supporting, validating, loving and paying attention to us. An intense negative awareness had been substituted for the intimacy and positive intensity of being there.
All of a sudden living with a wide variety of day to day feelings may seem unbearable because it’s a new type of intensity and because some emotions are still linked to a time when we didn’t have the trust, permission or hope to express them. Thus pain and grief may arise even when the initial feeling is positive one. If we stay honest and keep grieving this to will heal and release experiences and feeling today from those of the past.
The grief does come to an end. With each incident along the way, we begin to feel stronger and clearer as we grieve it through. Times of grief grow further apart and eventually dwindle. We become less afraid of them and more aware of their healing nature.
God Bless
Timebuster
I might not be the person that I want to be, I might not be the person that I like to be, but Thank God am not the person that I use to be.
Those old behaviors, thoughts and feelings served a purpose once. We believed we needed them for survival. Today we need to accept our choice, grieve our losses and forgive ourselves. The losses are the result of our children, spouses and our selves not being there consistently. Being there means supporting, validating, loving and paying attention to us. An intense negative awareness had been substituted for the intimacy and positive intensity of being there.
All of a sudden living with a wide variety of day to day feelings may seem unbearable because it’s a new type of intensity and because some emotions are still linked to a time when we didn’t have the trust, permission or hope to express them. Thus pain and grief may arise even when the initial feeling is positive one. If we stay honest and keep grieving this to will heal and release experiences and feeling today from those of the past.
The grief does come to an end. With each incident along the way, we begin to feel stronger and clearer as we grieve it through. Times of grief grow further apart and eventually dwindle. We become less afraid of them and more aware of their healing nature.
God Bless
Timebuster
I might not be the person that I want to be, I might not be the person that I like to be, but Thank God am not the person that I use to be.
In Memory Of
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Connecticut.
Posts: 3,736
It never ceases to amaze me how healing reaching out is.I dont haveto listen to that harsh critical voice inside of me from childhood that says there is strength in silence or you are too stupid or incompetent.(((anne))) you are never to new to extend a hand of compassion you never know if a kind word or smile will pull someone back from the edge.(((Denise Mikers Moon))) thanks so much you hit the nail on the head .(((((Timebuster)))) I was wonderin where you were.You sound so good ! That is so uplifting for me..thank you all for being a part of my recovery 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by miraclen2003
I dont have to listen to that harsh critical voice inside of me from childhood that says there is strength in silence or you are too stupid or incompetent
Because I do.
OH SH!T
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: RICHMOND,VIRGINIA-
Posts: 1,655
(((((((((((((TRISH)))))))))))))))
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL,DRUGS AND ALCOHOL WAS MY SOUL FOR 30 YEARS.
WHEN THESE FEELINGS COME AND THERE UNFAMILAR OR UNCOMFORATABLE MY FIRST THOUGHT IS TO USE,KILL THIS PAIN.TODAY I KNOW THAT PAIN CONQUERED IS GROWTH.SOUNDS TO ME LIKE YOUR DOING ALOT OF GROWING TRISH.I'M ALMOST LOOKING FORWARD TO MY FOURTH STEP,IT HAS TO BE PAINFUL BUT SO REWARDING IN THE END.YOUR A REASON I'M HERE TODAY,THANK YOU.
LIKE YOU SAY,"DON'T QUIT BEFORE THE MIRICLE HAPPENS"................
LOVE YOU SISTER 
..........ted
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL,DRUGS AND ALCOHOL WAS MY SOUL FOR 30 YEARS.
WHEN THESE FEELINGS COME AND THERE UNFAMILAR OR UNCOMFORATABLE MY FIRST THOUGHT IS TO USE,KILL THIS PAIN.TODAY I KNOW THAT PAIN CONQUERED IS GROWTH.SOUNDS TO ME LIKE YOUR DOING ALOT OF GROWING TRISH.I'M ALMOST LOOKING FORWARD TO MY FOURTH STEP,IT HAS TO BE PAINFUL BUT SO REWARDING IN THE END.YOUR A REASON I'M HERE TODAY,THANK YOU.
LIKE YOU SAY,"DON'T QUIT BEFORE THE MIRICLE HAPPENS"................
LOVE YOU SISTER
..........ted
In Memory Of
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Connecticut.
Posts: 3,736
Thank you all
Feelin a tad better today,thanks you guys ! My physical health is not so great right now,so I ask for some prayers from you all ! 8 months clean tommorow...love you guys! 
In Memory Of
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Connecticut.
Posts: 3,736
feelin much better !
Went to an aa picnic today with the age ranges from 30s to 75.It was awesome ! Had some really good laughs..went to aa tonite and that was great too ! Thank you all for your prayers today..keep it up its workin ! happy 4th ! Bless,Trish
happy 4th ! Bless,Trish
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