JimJim

Winter and all it's cold and grey smothers me.

My tree feels fruitless. My seeds cower, they don't dare show themselves to the sunrise that, according to them will not rise.

Have you ever been blessed to appreciate the smell of blossoming flowers and trees in autumn? Oh what a delight that is.

I feel like the castaway seed, My loins were not watered. I stare up at the dark night sky and wonder if it will rain tomorrow.

I'm rotting. Look at my fellow seeds embracing the sunlight. I've never seen so much green and blue, it's a beautiful sight. The sky looks incredibly inviting, like I want to go there.

Yet, I'm the seed in the shade. How did I get tossed here? Why am I stuck next to these rotting weeds that have never seen the light?

Look at these slugs and weeds that prosper in the darkness. They are telling me that I can't grow. They fester and take comfort in their own misery and night. I feel I am but a guest

I can't move as this seed. I am stuck.

I have to crawl myself into the sun when it rises tomorrow. I want to be the seed that feels all that warm. Look at all that clear blue sky!

Thepatman

All it takes is one sobriety seed that you can plant and nurture with care and water. That seed will grow with time into your sobriety tree Jim.

All it takes is one step, one leap of faith. The spark is within you, look inside yourself.

Have you considered other recovery options? AA, smart recovery?

least

I hope you can find the strength within yourself to get sober for good.

Dee74

I felt like that for years JimJim.
There is a chapter two - for all of us - if you're prepared to do whatever it takes to make changes.

D

Hevyn

I was the same JimJim. Spent decades in that struggle, but I'm safe now. You can heal from all you've been through and have a new life. Keep posting and never give up.

Chicagoan

You must be determined Jim.
It will not be a smooth road at times,
but the ultimate destination is recovery.

You have made a step by coming here,
keep coming back.

Northlander

Hey JimJim

Actually you are one of the people who got me sober. And I've been sober since March 1 2013.

You started our class thread and I read what you wrote and thought, yeah, that's me. A few weeks later I went to my first AA meeting and told a room full of people I'm an alcoholic. First time I ever said that out loud. I don't attend AA, but it was a big step in the right direction for me an it could be what you need right now.

So long story short, you've helped others, including me. I so want you to help yourself.

Big Hug,

Northlander

360shoes

Me too JimJim. You helped me too.

Jeni26

When we are in the dark we look at people in the light as though through a locked window...we see them going about the act of living their lives and feel removed from it...almost as though we are not invited.

The first thing I did was believe in those people who had found their way out of the dark. I wasn't sure I could do it, but I could see that others had managed it, even after decades of drinking. People with much tougher backgrounds than me, people who had lost far more than I had...well they told me they had done it, and I started walking in their footsteps. I reached out for help and I was carried for a while.

It took me a long time to have faith that I could actually find this wonderful sober life..it has taken some hard work and soul-searching..but now I know that once I put down that drink and started walking in the right direction, my life changed.

Once you're in the light Jim, you won't ever want to go back to the dark...

We are all here for you Jim.

Dee74

..plus your avatar is awesome, Jim

you can do this, mate

mecanix

Hey Jim ,
There is a lovely blue sky and sunshine out there today in the uk .

We all want you be be sober and happy , it seems to me alcohol doesn't achieve either of those . All it offers is delusion.

rootin for ya ,



m

afloatsober

Jim
I spent many years in a bubble of despair. It got to a stage where i dreaded sunny warm days. People seemed happier, and i felt more alienated and hopeless. I would crawl into my bottle quicker ( or in the days when i could walk and talk when drinking) i would find the lousiest darkest pub and nurse my drinks and self pity in the darkest corner.
To hell with the world and all those in it. It was no place for me...
I was a creature of rainy windswept days and dark cold nights. It was easier to hide and less people around. They were snuggled up at home with families and friends. I would stumble from pub to pub until i had drunk enough not to care again..

Not today.
By not drinking one day at a time, accepting all of the help offered and trusting people who told me 'you are worth it' i can turn my face to the sun again. Just as i did when i was a small boy. And welcome it's healing and comfort.

I am worth it. We both are Jim.
Keep trying, whatever else you do.
If it can work for me it can work for you.
G

Marcher13

Me three Jim.

You drop in every so often, why not drop in everyday and put the bottle down. We can help you Jim, if North, Shoes, me and the rest of the Marchers can do it so can the guy who started the 2013 Marchers.

Weasel1966

Jim... I love your words. Very expressive and I can feel your pain.

A good seed is the one that grows when, seemingly, it has the least nurturing.

You are a good seed!




you can grow anywhere Jim!

PurpleKnight

You can do this Jim, every seed has the same potential, the potential to grow and become the largest tree in the forest.

It just needs the right nurturing to make it happen!!

Tiptree

Let in the light, cry a few tears saying goodby to your addictions, prepare to weather the storms, keep SR close, let it grow.

JimJim

You are all too kind. I cherish every response, I know you folks get it. I thought I would try and express myself differently, rather than posting a typical moan.

It's only at my utterly worst that I post it seems, the grimmest moments. It means a lot to me to be able express how I'm feeling at that time and I'm really grateful for you listening.

I've been sipping the wine today mixed with water planning to put away the drink this weekend, daring to bring the change that I desperately need next week. Shed another shoot from the seed in the hope it will reach the sunlight this time

That tree pic Ken was fantastic, it really warmed my heart, the complete counter to my analogy. Having faith when it seems impossible. I just need to grab and hold that. That's how the situation will end I believe.

I could just puke in disgust at everything I type though. Delete, don't delete? Bastard. I'm gonna go chew my own arm.

Thepatman

Glad you posted today ;-)

I am not very great at helping sometimes, but I felt your call yesterday and really felt for you.

cl9000

"Loneliness is not a phase
Field of pain is where I graze
Serenity is far away"
- Alice in Chains

Thanks for sharing that post. I'm down in the dumps at the moment, too. I do hope and believe things will get better, though.

JimJim

.