Someone please shed light on the situation
 

Hi so I'm new to this and I really just needed some type of advice from people who would understand the most what I'm going through. I'm not an addict, but my boyfriend/exboyfriend is. We started dating last year when he was almost a year into his recovery and we were amazing. I can honestly say I've never felt that way about anyone. Things started to get rocky when he moved into his own apartment out of a recovery house with another guy who was still using heroin.(he had no idea the guy was using) They rarely saw each other so for the first two months it was a non isssue(I assumed) until I got pregnant and had a miscarriage. Two weeks later my boyfriend relapsed and started to avoid me. He ended up moving back home twice to get clean and then he'd come back to the same thing again. We broke up but would still see each other. I could see it getting worse everyday and he did what most people on drugs do; lie, steal, etc. it wasn't until his dad literally came to the apartment and took him home that he started to get clean, but he'd ignore me for weeks at a time and I started to get worried. We talked about how he had to focus on his recovery and we'd continue to talk and when he was ready to be in a relationship we would be. Well now he's moving to Florida (were from PA) to a recovery house and we only talk when it's convienent for him, but the other day when we talked and I asked what we were doing he said nothing, we're both single. That he doesn't see this working out, well still be friends and he doesn't know how he feels about me anymore and we've barely talked, i keep nagging him and he doesnt see anything being fixed.. I replied by saying I understand now but what about in the future and he said well you never know I could meet someone. Honestly I am so hurt because I stuck by this man when no one else would and loved him when he wasn't very lovable. We went through some tragic experiences together and I guess my question is why do you think he's acting this way when just two weeks ago he wanted to be together and was afraid I'd leave him? Is it because he's moving far or because of the drugs? Or did i push him away with texting him everyday and asking why he wouldn't answer?

The why doesn't matter. I'm sorry this is hard for you right now, but everything will be okay.

He's told you to move on. He is planning to be single.

Take him at his word and move on, be single. People tell you who they are, and he did. He doesn't see this working out.

What is the question? You'll never know "why." It just is. He doesn't have to give you a reason.

Nicnac the best thing you can do is move on. It hurts now but it will get better with time. If you two are meant to be together it will happen down the road.

He is displaying typical addictive logic and behavior.
You can still care about him, but you must move on.
Think about you for a change.

RUN - as fast as you can. It's not worth it to wait around for someone to CHANGE who has NO intention of doing so. get out while you can and make a real life for yourself.

I don't know you....

But I know you don't deserve this.

Move on.

Yes,please move on.
I'm a firm believer that things happen for a reason.

You don't want to start off your life with an addict. And unfortunately, Florida, for whatever reason, is a breeding ground for H use. Not sure why, but that is a fact. No offense to my FL friends, it's just the facts.

You deserve happiness with someone who is honest and treats you with respect and kindness.

Listen to him when he says it's not working. You cannot nag someone into sobriety.

I am sorry!

You are not going to change his mind. Do you really want to? You've stood by him and he's repaid you by being ungrateful and inconsiderate...do you want to stick around for him to continue to hurt you because he's not acting how you wish/want him to?

You cannot change a person, you cannot change him, he will not be who you thought he was going to.

Take it a day at a time...but move forward in your life. Unfortunately, that move forward means move forward without him.

Thank you everyone!
The only reason I stayed so long is because when he was sober we were perfect and he was different. I stayed because when he got sober again wed go back to the way it was.

I know he wants to change which is why he decided to go to rehab in florida this time, but it seems like every week hes changing his mind on whether he wants me to be around or not.. Is that normal?

Time will tell if he wants change.
I know nothing about that drug. But, I've heard it's like the devil has a hold of you personally.
No matter what he has to sort out his demons alone. Nobody can do it for him.
It's the same with every addiction.

You're trying to rationalize and justify his behavior. It may be the drugs, but at the same time understand IT MAY NOT be the drugs. Don't allow the drugs to be his justification.

I understand it's hard to differentiate between being pushed away because of an addiction and plain being told there's not a chance...but you're kind of friendzoning yourself if it's door number two. Are you prepared for that? To invest more time into something that may end up being nothing?

I say preserve your heart instead of adding to the pain.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I know how hard it must be. Honestly, I would let him have his space. He is likely going through a big transition in his life, and (hopefully!) focusing on his recovery. Recovery should come before anything else. If he has a sponsor or any type of counseling going on, they will also encourage that his recovery come before his relationships or other aspects of his life. Try not to take it too personally. He very likely appreciates that you were there for him through his unlovable moments, but really does need the time to focus on him, now.

If it's the other way though, where he is snubbing you over drugs and he is still using, then definitely let him have his space. Care for him from afar. I know how hard that is, but you really can't offer him any type of constructive support if he is not trying to get clean.

Unfortunately, that is the risk you run loving an addict, you honestly never know what you are going to get in return. ):

Hoping for easier times soon. Hugs.

Thank you!
As of right now he is still using, but he's going to a recovery program tomorrow. He just changes his mind every week on whether he wants me to be there or not. I totally understand he has to focus on recovery and I would rather him do that but I'm not sure if that's an effect of the drug to change your mind g?

Recovery means making a lot of big changes in your life. Could be a result of just that- the fact that everything's changing for him. Hang in there!

He doesn't sound like he's serious about getting clean or being in a relationship. Let him go and make a good life for yourself. There are worse things than being alone - like being treated badly. :(

The first three or four responders already used my answer.