firstymer

anewpage, I felt EXACTLY as you did. That mental battle inside my brain was exhausting. I was CONSTANTLY debating myself over whether I should take that first drink. But then, gradually, I started to, finally, start thinking about other things.

Now, the cravings are an occasional annoyance, and not a constant obsession. Ride it out, like a bad storm. It will get better. So much better.

anewpage

I don't like having strong emotions of any kind, and therein lies my problem. Angry? Get drunk. Frustrated? Vodka. Depression? Let's chug two bottles of wine. So I'm unfortunately having to relearn how to deal with emotions the way I did years ago... without alcohol. It's hard, especially when you know a bottle of wine will temporarily fix it. ("Temporarily" being the key word there)

biminiblue

Dealing with emotions is exactly the cure.

My first few AA meetings I cried all the way through them, pretty much. It was excruciating to me to hear other peoples' stories, to sit still without talking, to just Sit Still in general. Then I had a bad experience in AA, and that really set me off - it was all I could do to keep from picking up, but I wanted to stop drinking so badly that I was willing to sit through the emotions and feelings until they passed. I had to find a new way to deal with resentments. Who knew I was destined to pray for people at whom I was angry? LOL, so many revelations.

You know what? No emotion is going to hurt me. Feelings are just feelings. Thoughts are only thoughts. I don't have to give them the power to destroy me.

You've got this. Keep learning.

Nonsensical

I had discussions with my AV for 25 years. He always seems charming, caring and very reasonable.

One day I realized he has been lying to me the whole time. Not one thing he ever told me was true. On top of that he was also stealing. My self-respect, the trust of my family, loads of cash. He tried to get my job, my health and my freedom, too.

I don't talk to him anymore. He needs me, so he still talks to me, but he's a liar and a thief who would murder me if I let him. I hear him, but I don't listen to what he has to say.

Dee74

It seems like this will go on forever anewpage - but it really won't.

Your head will stop driving you crazy - you just have to trust me, and the other guys here on that - you're heading in the right direction, honestly

have you heard of, or tried UrgeSurfing?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

D