Raider

I thought I was ready to come back to Alaska for a month I thought I could handle the drama. I thought The Fuzz wouldn't be a problem. I thought I was stronger. I thought 100 sober days would do it for me. I was wrong. I'm disappointed in myself. My family is sad. They don't understand that if I stay here any longer I will probably drink. They blame themselves. I have to get away, I need to go home. I need some quite and peace, I can't stay until June 2, my original ticket date. I will be going back to
Utah on Saturday, May 17. I am not feeling good about this. We are crying up here.

This is what I have to do. Any thoughts. Thanks.

Mags1

Hi Raider 100 days under your belt and we think we're on top of it, then something triggers and bam!
Do what you gotta do but try to stay sober, keep with us your friends.

On top of that, you're a woman, I'm not sexist but we do tend to think everything is on our shoulders, book stops at us, it does as far as drinking goes but as Dee says, he stopped being master of the universe, I'm learning.

Keep the faith, love ya, big hugs Mags xx

Lenina

Raider, you're a star for recognizing that it's time for you to go home. I'm proud for you, you need to be proud you've got much clarity this early on!

love from Lenina

yeahgr8

What have you changed about yourself other than stop drinking? Wheb you go back home figure out which recovery method you want to use and work on changing you.

Verte

Awwww. I have not read the details of your trip, Raider, but I think it is really great that you recognize that you have reached your limit Maybe the understanding and accepting part causes your heart to ache a bit.

You are who you are, exactly where you are...loving your family extraordinarily while maintaing the love for yourself. This is a good thing. My heart would ache as well knowing that it is time to leave.

Stay strong Hugs to you.

Notimetoloose

I hate to hear this and hope you are OK, Take care of yourself...there is a lot more to this sobriety thing. This feeling the pain thing without the assistance of something numbing is tough some days....xx

lablife

Praying for you, enjoy the next few day's with your family and then do what you have to do for yourself.

Sulu1

Sorry to hear about you and TheFuzz Raider.

As others have said do what you need to do. Have a safe trip home

Dee74

I'm really proud that you're putting your recovery first Raider.
Families can be tough - even for folks with a lot of years of sobertime.

100 days is fantastic but it's just the start of change in us, not the end

As time goes on you'll be able to deal better and better with all that kind of stuff - but I'm pleased you've made a decision based on your own recovery needs.

D

Croissant

Oh Raider...you aren't giving yourself enough credit here...that's a huge trip to take on so early. I could only manage a long weekend with my family early on!

Good on you for prioritising your health. It's not weakness, go home, regroup. Good on you for coming here so we can all give you a big virtual hug.

Do not underestimate how very far you've come already...it's ok to slow it down when we need to!

Big hugs.xx

afloatsober

Well done Raider,
Difficult decisions such as you are making are the ones that keep us sober and well. They are tough but if we wan't health then sometimes we have to make very hard choices about people, places and things.
Well done for 'walking the walk'.
G

lunar

Hey Raider, don't be disappointed in yourself.
Instead be glad for recognizing your priority to
remain sober. I'm sure that having to leave your family
earlier than planned must be difficult, but you were rational and
steadfast in making that decision. I for one, am proud of you.
You set a fine example for all of us.
Have a safe trip home and watch out for the Fuzz.

Mentium

If you have choices and nothing too pressing then it seems to me to make the choice that is most likely to keep you sober. I was around just before you went into rehab last time and you went through hell. I have no doubt you don't want a repeat of that!

AlcoholFree66

Good on you for looking after yourself and putting your sobriety first.

MythOfSisyphus

I agree- stay sober and take care of you!

soberclover

I think you should be PROUD of yourself for the decision you are making! This shows HUGE growth in your sobriety! You are finally able to put yourself and your sobriety first...this is so very important for ongoing sobriety. I am sooooooooooooo excited for you!!

Fandy

I think it is really smart that you recognized what was looming. Your family visit was quite long and maybe a month is too much in one big dose.
You can go back later? Or they can visit you? Besides that making accommodation for your pet vs. theirs is never easy.
My family for a month straight would have me drinking or possibly indicted for murder.

Croissant

Good point, I think even a non alcoholic would be driven to drink!

also, no matter how much growth you've made personally, doesn't mean others have. I've found that a lot in sobriety...family can bring out the worst of our old behaviour patterns.

GracieLou

I have had this happen as well. I am fine around most people but if I associate with someone from my past or that I have ongoing issue with it is like all my serenity drains away. I find myself thinking the old way and my old patterns come out of the woodwork like roaches.

Do what you need to do. I read something today that really made me think about responsibilities. I have always to a certain degree handled my responsibilities to others but the ones to myself I always let slide.

"Being responsible means that we understand our own needs first before we take on the duties of others. We may feel that by taking our obligations seriously we become more responsible and mature by default. There are times when this is the case. But, when we feel obligations to others simply to bolster our own desire to feel responsible, we may be inclined to neglect our own needs. It is important to remember that maturity comes from understanding our own needs first. By gaining insight into the true nature of your responsibilities today, you will determine the obligations that are the most essential for you now."

In this case I feel you are being responsible for you and that is what must always come first.

Gilmer

You're doing exactly the right thing, Raider.