Going to the store alone
 

I'm on Day 9 and I have come to the conclusion that I cannot go to the store alone. I was going to go today while my husband was at work, just taking my kids with me, but I soon began to plan things in my mind. Buy vodka, hide it in my underwear drawer, drink just a little so that when my husband gets home he won't suspect a thing.
Then I started to think about the struggle I've had these past 9 days, and how much I would hate myself if I gave in now. So I told my husband, don't leave me the car today. Take it because I'm plotting in my head. He told me he was proud of me for admitting that. So now I'm home again, with no vehicle and no way of getting any alcohol. I'm alternating between being happy I fought the AV, and also kicking myself because of my missed opportunity!
How long before I can trust myself to go to a store alone again?!

Be patient. It takes time! Day 9 is early but good for you to see it coming on. If your resolved in your decision you will be able to go to the store alone without plotting. For now remind yourself why you quit in the first place.

I understand. The obsession is in your head, and you will learn to say "No" to yourself.

I had to lose 70 pounds. I had to go to the store alone every day. There are cookies, cakes, candy, ice cream, juice, potato chips, soda pop, pizzas etc etc on every aisle of every store. There are McDonalds, Wendys, Arbys, Papa Murphys, Olive Garden, TGIF, etc etc on every corner.

IF I wanted to lose 70 pounds, I had to learn to say "No" to myself on things that would defeat me. I do not like being beaten. Therefore I learned to say "No." I isn't easy, but it is possible.

Every time you say "No" you get stronger! Great job!
I lost that 70 pounds. It took me a year. That was in 2007-08. I've kept it off.

It can be done. Alcohol is even worse, because it will kill you and your family and your life - way faster than 70 extra pounds. Plus, I never had a hangover from pizza, never got arrested due to too many cupcakes, never wrecked a car after a double cheeseburger.

Good for you that you know you can't go to the store a lone. I'm on day 8 and I feel the same way about how I would hate myself if I gave in now. It hasn't been easy but I'm so proud of myself when I wake up knowing I didn't drink the night before. Over time you'll be able to go to the store a lone. Congrats on day 9 that's awesome. :)

It says you have to go to any lenght to get it(recovery). and You are doing it. Tomorrow or in the evening when your husband's home and all seems ok, you will pat yourself in the back for recognizing your AV and not giving in. seems like your beast is not happy about the decision you made, you said(kicking myself because of my missed opportunity! ).
recognize it for what it is the AV still playing games on you.
I use both AVRT and AA and Meds to keep my sobriety for the time being.
Whatever it takes.

Hang in there, Kid! I don't know how long it will take you, but the day comes.

I went to the liquor store yeaterday to buy a bottle of water. I was thirsty on my way home and remembered seeing water in there long ago. (And thinking, who the He77 buys water in a liquor store?)

Well, I do now. :)

Least ways when I am spontaneously thristy and on my way home from work and haven't planned very well. I don't plan on making it a ritual or anything.

Walked in, looked at all the shackles lined up on the shelves, went to the cooler, got my water and left smiling.

Couldn't have even conceived of doing that a year ago.

Cant you go to a meeting? Your partner sounds quite supportive, would he not look after the kids? Doesn't sound much fun for you trying to do this all by yourself?

Really good you recognized and dealt with the urge to buy and hide the alcohol. Each time you do not give in will make you stronger.

It gets easier to say NO the more you say it. Each time you resist the urge to drink, you get stronger. Some day in the future you'll be able to go anywhere and do anything without thinking about drinking. It might seem a long way off, but the day will come. :)

I like your jimi avatar

Instead of going to the store why not go to an AA meeting? Tonight is Wednesday so you know where I'll be

Give yourself time and you'll be free of this burden on your back, anewpage.
You can change and leave alcohol behind.

Maybe instead of saying to yourself 'I can't go to the store alone' focus on saying

'I will soon be able to go to the store, or anywhere, alone and not be troubled by thoughts of alcohol'

It will happen.

I think the suggestions here about more real life support are good too. It doesn't have to be AA - there are other meeting based recovery groups.

If you're interested I can give you a list :)

D

I understand where you are coming from.
I have a liquor store right near our
apartment. I can see the back door
from my window.

It took me a while in early sobriety to go to the grocery store and trust myself that I wouldn't buy wine. You saw the trap in advance which is good. Is there a store you could shop that doesn't carry alcohol? I thought that if I got desperate enough I would ask my mom or a sympathetic friend to go with me. Would that work for you? It does get better though. I walked past a wall of wine the other day without batting an eye but it took a while to get there. Hang on!

I went to my first meeting on Monday, and I have another tomorrow

I went to the store later in the day with my husband, and we completely avoided the liquor and wine aisles. they were calling me...oh god, were they calling for me. I wanted to drink it all. but I did not buy anything.

Awesome! I was going to suggest husband too if he is supportive. Mine always throws tons of stuff we don't need and won't eat so I try not to bring him but in a pinch :) even though it triples the bill.

Hang on, it gets easier. May I suggest surrounding yourself with others in recovery at least once a day for a while? It helps.

This is very important.
And your husband is supportive
which is very important.

I am lucky to have a supportive wife,
but she will no longer tolerate my nonsense.
If I started in again, I know I would get the boot.

Now you're talking, that's serious progress!

We had a newcomer at a meeting yesterday, lovely young lad! I'm 42 and you have various ages at the meeting but it's funny, me included, how anyone 40+ are like bees to honey when a younger person comes in because we all want them to get it. Like i said last night really the best advice on meeting 1 is to just keep turning up no matter what you are saying to yourself or if you have a slip along the way. The worst thing anyone can ever do when going to meetings is stop then you back to doing it solo again. That goes for SR and any other resources you decide to use too:-)