HvyMetalGrl23

I know I'm cycling... Being sober right now and thinking back, I can't explain
Why I didn't stop myself... If I "must" drink I ignore the coping tools, I refuse to reach out, I "want what I want"
Even still after losing jobs, license, friends, gaining a reputation for being "an alcoholic" and my drastic decline in my appearance. Even with my memory blips... I still did it, I still drank an entire mikky of vodka in about 3 hours... That was 3 days ago... I'm 28 and have had a drinking problem sine I was 20
If a certain person were to find out(a person very dear to me and who cares deeply for me) , the friendship is over and I know this... It's been threatened many times before... My drinking has cost him... It has cost me enormously... And yet I'm still lying

Guilt and shame only keeps me sober for a week...
I've been to treatment... I'm an intelligent woman.... I know and see what I'm doing to my life and yet.....

Coldfusion

Hi Girl!

Many of us on this forum have been where you are. It's a good place to get support and inspiration.

If you read around, you'll find sober folks who use AA or other programs, or just use this forum. But you have to put as much effort into sobriety as you put into drinking.

It works if you work it!

Alphabet

I'm in the same boat, my dear (same age, and also a metal fan!)

I can't offer advice, but I can offer a hand to hold in the road to sobriety

Hang in there.

Lenina

HMG, have you read through the Addictive Voice Thread? Learning AVRT, Rational Recovery technique helped me so much with understanding the addiction. have you tried AA? It's a good program. AA gave me some structure and helped me learn to live a peaceful life.

Girl, we can and recover. I think I hit my worst dips at age 32. But I had to make sure I was really an alcoholic! So, if you are ready to start living your life to its full potential, get a plan. AA is free and a good start.

I hope this helps. I know you're in pain. but I believe you can get well.

Love from Lenina

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html

theupsides92

Know that you're not alone in any of this.

HvyMetalGrl23

Thank You.... I'm scared that I can't stop myself in the days where I'm feeling like **** and I get the attitude "I'm an adult and I want to feel better" and then I spend money I don't have on vodka... The last 2 years I'm so embarrassed to be seen going Into the liqour store that I've been getting a delivery service to do it.
I don't drink when I'm out anymore because it's too embarrassing to be seen drinking since over the years ppl have become aware of my problem... But I will drink alone and I almost prefer it.
It's scary.
I've read a lot of literature and I fully realize the patterns and characteristics here...
But what am I gonna do? I can't be under supervision 24/7 plus I wouldn't allow my freedom to be taken from me at this point In my life.

I know I have to just STOP DRINKING...I know...
Quitting smoking was easier than quitting drinking for me...

I'm just venting... Not expecting for someone to ring in with a cure-all...
.... Just venting

Thepatman

Vent as much as you need. I know the feeling all too well.

Good news is that there is a way out as we both know. How? Nurture ourselves back to a healthy way of life.

Lenina

Qutting is hard! I needed a plan to help me. In the beginning it was easier to do the one day at a time because I think I wasn't ready to quit for good. Time passed, my life improved and I made the Big Plan. I don't drink. Ever. no BS excuses or for any reason.

I learned how to be at peace with myself. I know you can too.

Love from Lenina

EndGameNYC

I had no freedom and was not at all living life until I put down the drink. Being in a controlled, supervised environment is like sprouting wings compared to allowing myself to be kidnapped by alcohol.

There's no healing without making a commitment not to drink no matter what, and making a leap of faith that there is a better way. And then taking the actions required to live a better life.

bizzybee

This is a great place to let it out! We are here to listen ..and help if possible! Stay strong and keep rock'n!
A7X fan,Bizzybee!

instant

it is an addiction though not a personal failing- I have been surprised by how weak the pull to drink becomes the longer I stay sober (currently nearly three years)- it can happen, but in my case it was borne of despair after many failed attempts to get started,