pblack177

Hello,
Today is my 3rd day of being sober after another 4-5 day binge.
I have this cycle where I will binge for 4-5 days, wait a few days to dry out, then binge again for 4-5 days.
The longest I've been sober was August 2013 for 4 months (including 2 months of rehab).
Then I went back to rehab again over the holidays from 2013-2014 for a month, but started drinking again when I got out.
I then binged, went to a withdrawal clinic, stayed in sober living, but once I got out I found an apartment and the cycle started again.
I didn't even want to drink today, but every time I go through withdrawal I can't sleep or eat for days, so I think I will drink a bit to help with sleep/anxiety, but the cycle just starts again.
I absolutely loathe withdrawals (not as bad this time, managed to get out for some quick walks and fresh air, until the anxiety kicks in).
I fear tomorrow will be the same thing but I might not say no and start all over again.
Anyone else have this problem?? Vicious cycle. I can't keep doing this but withdrawal is just so painful and boring. I'm basically bed ridden for days until I stop shaking enough that I'm not embarassed to go buy more booze.

least

Welcome to the family.

You can break the cycle but you've got to start by putting the bottle down. Yes, withdrawals suck, but if you drink you're just starting the whole thing over again. And you know where that leads.

Post here if you have the urge to drink. We'll try to talk you out of it.

airwick

The thought of experiencing withdrawal is what keeps me sober!

Dee74

Hi and welcome pblack

If you feel that bad, why not see a Dr?

D

Mountainmanbob

it is worth the fight

put up the good fight

and

join us in lasting sobriety

Mountainman

joyfullysober

I agree with airwick.

I have had terrible headaches. Thinking hurt, and I couldn't even write with the shakes. But now on day 8 I am starting to feel like myself, only very sober. Keep posting and we'll be there to help if you want.

pblack177

Thanks
Yes I want to go see my GP but usually the first few days after a bender I don't feel up to the trip as I am very anxious and sometimes fear I would faint on the bus.
I'm a little worried about withdrawal medication too.
Are there any good non-addictive ones?
Don't wanna replace 1 addiction with another.
Been up for almost 40 hours now so am hopeful a good nights sleep will make me feel better.

pblack177

Today is day 3.5 (or 3? I think I drank when I woke up Friday but then just slept literally all day) I've been awake ever since I woke up Friday evening, really tired but totally unable to sleep.

Insomnia always makes me think about drinking the next day...

I am lying here thinking now how I "have to" drink "just a bit" tomorrow so I can rest, but know I will start the whole cycle over again. Eugh. Gotta stay strong.

Thanks for all the support btw guys

(Quick note) My favourite AA joke I ever heard was when an old timer said: "So you're shaking like a leaf but there's no one waving back at you?"

Which I loved because my hands literally shake like crazy to the point where I won't buy a coffee or booze until it stops.

Luckily I actually feel better, minus fatigue, and held down a ton of food and water.

Here's hoping I'll get a few good hours of sleep in soon.

Croissant

Mate, just want to say I hear the pain in your words.

Keep posting. Keep holding on. Yes you should see a doc if you can.

Dee74

Just be honest with your Dr.
You may not need meds at all, but if you do, explain your fear of getting hooked on something else.

D

theupsides92

The psychiatrist at the hospital would only prescribe me one pill for the shakes. Doesn't seem like much, but I took it and slept wonderfully last night. Woke up this morning feeling so much better than how shaky I was yesterday/no thoughts of getting more pills. Maybe see if they'll do something like that for you? I haven't tried sleeping yet tonight but I'm hoping tea and some deep breathing will suffice.

Chicagoan

My last withdraw was so horrifying, I believe
the memory of this experience will keep me sober.
I am almost thankful that it happened.
If I was awake (which was most of the time),
I was drinking, and this went on for weeks.
A few times I ran out of beer when the liquor
stores closed, and I would drain every last drop
from the many empty cans on the floor into a
glass, just to get a gulp. How friggin pathetic.
NO, I never want to go back to that kind of
un-life. It will be a lifelong battle, my friend,
but we can overcome.

Sinkinsun

Hi al,
Reading pblack was like listening to myself, I'm day 2 and had a terrible night, guilt and self loathing minus the sleep of course. Just come off a 7 day bing that started because I lied myself into thinking this time would be different, it's only some beers watching football. This is been my cycle for years now and I never thought anyone else done it, how crazy is that, lying conveniently to myself. I've just started using the forum but had a membership some time. Pblack I think this forum can help us stay sober but I need to put in place some aids ( like this ) when I see the signs. Good luck with sobriety.

Dee74

Welcome to posting Sinkinsun

D

Wolftacular

I gather from the post that you DID relapse... I have to tell you I completely understand your position. I'd been sober for only a week after my first withdrawal when today out of nowhere, after college, I just had this really sudden urge to have a drink. I bought it and didn't even drink right away; I thought that was a good sign. But I did end up drinking and getting drunk enough (as I'm typing this). To be honest, I think you and I have to understand that we DON'T need the alcohol to keep going. That willpower, just as the willpower to drink, is within us. Guide it in the right direction.

Sober for -1 days. Tomorrow will be 0 again...

Dee74

Welcome to SR wolftacular

D