Dissapointed and have to start over
 

I have had quite a few 24 hours strung together but I blew it over the July 1st holiday weekend and am really disappointed in myself. I should have reached out and called someone when I was being tempted. It was all the partying going on around me that got to me. Every where in my condo people were drinking , sociallizing, laughing and singing. I ended up wanting what they had and forgot to emphasize to myself that I am just not like them . I was just lucky that nothing happened because all it takes is one drink and who knows where ai could end up. Fortunately I FOR SOME REASON VERY UNLIKE ME MANAGED SOME HOW TO ONLY HAVE 3 DRINKS ONE DAY AND 3 DRINKS THE NEXT DAY. However this is enough to stengthen the cycle of craving and one drink is always one drink too many. I don't understand how I spend so much of my life doing the do's of recovery (go to 1 to 2 meetings a day, pray and meditate ect...) but in times of weakness all my resove to stay sober is nowhere to be seen. Now I hve to dust myself off and start all over. I feel beaten up and down. It certainly was not worth it!!!!!!!!!

I know exactly how you feel! I think that I'm doing all the right things--meetings, praying, but when it comes to remembering the euphoria of drinking--you know, the "good" times before it got out of hand, I can't find much strength either. The thing I have to think about when that happens, is how it feels to relapse. The emotional pain outweighs any of the good feelings of being drunk and especially the good feeling of staying sober. I never in my life thought that I would get to this point where all I want to do is crawl into a hole and forget the entire world after I drink. But, it's there--it's a reality and it's something that I have to live with for the rest of my life.
But, welcome back! I'm actually glad to find people like myself that get so tempted around holiday's and such. Sometimes you feel so alone in the world when it seems like everyone EXCEPT you is drinking. But, that's not true...obviously. I too need to learn to reach out for help when temptation is way too strong. I need your help as well as everyone else on these boards! We're all in this together! :) Keep posting!!!

Danielle

Hi June,

It isn't easy and sometimes it's just best to avoid places and people that are going to cause a craving. I made that decision early on because it was so much easier to deal with things that way. It sounds like you're working really hard at staying sober so onward you go.

Love, Anna

HEY JUNE,SOUNDS LIKE YOU SEE WHAT CAUSED THE RELAPSE,
NEXT TIME THE CRAVING HITS PICK UP THAT PHONE.
WE CAN DO THIS,I CAN'T.
STAY STRONG,KEEP REACHING OUT FOR HELP...............ted :veryhappy

Amazing what just a few drinks can do to your spirit once you've a taste of sobriety yes? I remember March 17th of this year. Two lousy martinis. It took me a few days to get my head space positive again. I had just had a 77 day string of sober days. But we do it. No matter what. I am grateful I haven't had a drink since.
We do recover.
Welcome back:biglaugh:

That's a tough situation, I've been there many, many times... What I noticed helped me, was having a strong plan going into such a scenario... This weekend I stuck to bottled water and an occasional coca-cola...

Anyway, stay strong..

Fellow Torontonian.

TG28

Well the important thing is your back! This hic-cup is in the past and you only have today, that is all that ever matters. So back on the bus and we'll keep ya strapped in tight! *hugs*

(((((((( june)))))) Keep the faith ! All will be well..I am pullin for you !

june,
kelkel and squirrelly are right. remember how you feel right now and that will help the next time. you know what you need to do that is why you are here. everyone is rooting for you. remember that the way you feel right now is not worth taking that drink. i know its hard when everyone around you is indulging in your drug of choice, but keep hanging in there. today is a new day. in an hour and a half you will gain another day under your belt.

Welcome back June. Consider this a lesson learned and stop beating yourself up over it. Onward now....

Thanks all for your encouragement. I think I'll read step one every morning for awhile and continue to do what i've been doing. I try to tell myself all the time that sobriety should always be my main priority and everything else will just eventually fall into place. I also must pray, pray and pray.

GREAT PLAN JUNE,DO WHATEVER IS NEEDED TO STAY SOBER TODAY.TOMMOROW JUST START OVER!
...........ted :slomo:

Thanks Ted. I just came back from a meeting where I was asked to read the promises. Remembering them is also an incentive to work harder at recovery.

welcome back June. I am no expert at this being only 8 months sober, but I think I think that hic cup lurks in all of us. You have yours behind you now. Hang in and learn from it.
Lin

Hi June.....welcome to sober recovery, so happy you found us.

Some battle we have on our hands eh? I know cause I'm an alkie, with to many years of drinking to even think about. We all understand what you're going through, and the ongoing battle you have ahead of you....but oh the FREEDOM of getting there.
Amen to that June.

Wishing you all the best on your journey to sobriety, hang on real tight to the gang here, they'll guide you. I know this for a fact, they've stuck close to me and showed me the way, mind you I've been one of the slower one's, who needed the extra PUSH. I've come a long way let me tell you, so listen to the wonderful teachers here, and you'll soon love them all as much as I do. I promise you will find some peace in this.

Love and hugs......Denise :hug:

Hello June,

Well June, don't know if this makes you feel better, but I did exactly the same thing. Sunday night (July 4th) I wanted to stay home and have my friends come over - grill food and watch fireworks (you can see an excellent show really well from my patio). I was going on my 4th day.

They decided they wanted to go to a party instead of come over - but invited me to come along. I was really disappointed, because I knew it would be easier for me not to drink with just the 3 of us hanging out then going to a big party were almost everyone is drinking.

Just like you, I wasn't really bad. Had 3 also over several hours. The 4th one I opened just didn't taste good - so I threw it out and stopped. I was proud of myself in the aspect that I at least controlled my drinking. It does make it very difficult when everyone around you is drinking.

I thought about all the negatives of alcohol in addition to how it affects me - like no nutritional value, empty calories, the damage it does to my body, the cost and how I would rather spend the money. I actually made a list Monday morning of why I don't want to drink - all the negatives for me to carry around so I could pull it out and remind myself why I don't want to drink.

Saturday (July 3rd) I did meet the same friends at a bar for a couple of hours- I was good that night though and just drank water and tea. I did feel a little restless and fidgitty. Part of it is habit as well. It just didn't feel right not having a bottle or a drink in my hand. I wanted to know I could do it (be in that environment and not drink) even if it wasn't for very long.

Okay, now I am rambling. Guess I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I did the same thing. So here's to starting over (toast with H20)!

((((June)))) Hows it goin? Thinkin of you..prayers ^ trish

hi june,
glad you made it back, some don't. trying not to beat yourself up is tough after a slip, i know, been there done that. but i've learned that we shouldnt be too hard on ourselves because of it. it was our disease acting up, and something caught us off guard. so try and look at this as a learning experience instead. think about what you can do next time to avoid this.

you did what alcoholics do, it's a natural action. the miracle happens when our want not to pick up wins. we hav to work hard every day for this want to win over our addiction. it does get easier with time and program.

today i carry my 24 hour coin with me everywhere i go, i used to carry my each coin i collected with it, 24, 30 days, 60 days, ect. today i carry my 24 hour coin in my left pocket, and my one year coin in the right. when ever i go into a pocket for money i'm reminded of what i have today, and where i was yesterday. it really helps me not want to go back

My last hic up was only one drink. But I beat myself up pretty good. But, my sponsor told me, that it was progress, because, for the first time, I actually came back, and was honest about it, instead of waiting untill I got caught. And didn't let it drag out, and become a big mess.

And more important, is that I learned how cunning, baffling and powerful this disease can be. And, I learned what in my head, can allow my desire to drink, to overcome my desire to stay sober

Hi June, add me to the list. Gave in to a gin and tonic Monday night, and lots of wine Tuesday and Wednesday.

I like what Dan said above about it taking a few days to get your head back in a positive space. Remembering that enables me not to make too much of the depression I feel today. Thanks Dan!

I no longer "count" or subscribe to the notion of having wrecked anything. My aim is abstinence based on changing my life so that the reasons I drink alcoholicly receed into the background.

My taking that drink this weekend had everything to do with regressing to a space in my life where I felt alone and left out of activities. I could have changed that at any part of the day had I just gotten off my bu** and gotten involved in the sports of the day etc. but I chose to descend into my isolationist poor me state and of course it was a real setup for taking a drink.

To me, the important thing here is that I thought long and hard about what happened during the day to send me on that downward spiral. Clearly I need to change that behavior when it happens again. Taking the drink was an outgrowth of a pattern I let develop starting Monday morning.

This is about change of one's behavior patterns and it is a long slow haul.

Happy to be on this thread,
Gianna

Gianna - I can definitely relate to your thread. It is about a change in behaviour and habit. I feel exactly the same way. Choosing different outlets (exercise, etc.) for stress, frustration, etc. It is like a trigger in my mind that tells me after a bad day or whatever - go have a drink and relax. Need to change the way my mind thinks and replace those thoughts with positive releases.

I realize it is a process and isn't going to happen overnight. One day at a time helps me to not get too overwhelmed.

starting over
 

Thanks everyone. It is nice to gret so much support. Thanks for sharing with me. aI'm doing 1 to 2 meetings a day now and trying to stay in touch with people in the program. I go to as many dicussion meetings I can to unload some of the junk rattling around in my head and get advice from others. Due to mental heath issues I have been unable to work for some time now and find that gets me down and I feel kind of useless and empty at times. I keep reminding myself that my HP loves me and has some plans of some sort for me. rhanks for listening ;) junem

Hey June--Glad you made it back! I worry all the time about relapse because, for me, I KNOW it wouldn't just be a couple drinks. It would take a whole lot of alcohol to make the things I have learned in recovery go away. I don't know how much sober time you had, but I know that until I have a LOT of sobriety under my belt, I have to stay away from tempting situations. I read someone else talking about going to a party with only 4 days, and for me, that would have been suicide. Only with my luck, I would live. I also make sure I have a plan in place before I go into any slippery situations and I don't go around people who are drinking without a support person around. I'm not trying to give advice, just saying what works for me today.

Anyway, as I said, glad you made it back....Keep hangin' in....We're all here for you. :wink3:

Hey. I'll take all the advice I can because this is the most important matter of my life, staying sober. I currently find myself in a difficult situation in that I am not use to being alone and my son has gone off camping for a week and a half. This is the first time in recovery that I have ever been alone. My crazy addictive mind notes that this is a time I could drink and no one would know about it. I really am amazed at the power of addiction. In all other matters I have been told (mostly from my psychiatrist) that I have an exaggerated sense of self accountability but it seems to be lacking when it comes to my addiction. I am telling everyone I know about this thought that pops into my crazy head and am talking about it as well as continuing to go to lots of meetings. I making good use of the phone as well. I try not to isolate and am getting out alot. Been tiring my dog out alot with really frequent walks. Thanks for listening gang and for your input. It means alot to me.
PS. I had in one and a half years before my relapse.

My addictive mind likes to tell me the same thing, that no one will know. But, the truth is, that it doesn't matter if you know, it matters if I know. Because being honest with yourself, is the hardest part of this program for me. And keep talking about it. My wife and kids were out of town for 2 weeks. I just did what I do everyday, one day at a time. And told every one who would listen, about my stuggle with being alone.

And it worked!

well, I think it is the old mind churning, once you have one sip of alcohol. It is not that the one drink does it, it is that that part of the mind which says "no" gets flipped off like a switch. I really hope I can stop this behavior soon.

Didn't totally wreck myself this weekend, but I certainly didn't have the sense of happiness and accomplishment I might have had.

Hugs to all you and to me too,
gianna

(((( June ))) Just checkin in to see how you are doing ..I think it is great that you are back at meetings and workin it ! I had time in recovery too and picked up again it was no " slip " I got a whole other story ! It doesnt get any better out there does it ? I am pullin for you ...prayers ^ Trish