Jhana

Hi June, add me to the list. Gave in to a gin and tonic Monday night, and lots of wine Tuesday and Wednesday.

I like what Dan said above about it taking a few days to get your head back in a positive space. Remembering that enables me not to make too much of the depression I feel today. Thanks Dan!

I no longer "count" or subscribe to the notion of having wrecked anything. My aim is abstinence based on changing my life so that the reasons I drink alcoholicly receed into the background.

My taking that drink this weekend had everything to do with regressing to a space in my life where I felt alone and left out of activities. I could have changed that at any part of the day had I just gotten off my bu** and gotten involved in the sports of the day etc. but I chose to descend into my isolationist poor me state and of course it was a real setup for taking a drink.

To me, the important thing here is that I thought long and hard about what happened during the day to send me on that downward spiral. Clearly I need to change that behavior when it happens again. Taking the drink was an outgrowth of a pattern I let develop starting Monday morning.

This is about change of one's behavior patterns and it is a long slow haul.

Happy to be on this thread,
Gianna

Louie

Gianna - I can definitely relate to your thread. It is about a change in behaviour and habit. I feel exactly the same way. Choosing different outlets (exercise, etc.) for stress, frustration, etc. It is like a trigger in my mind that tells me after a bad day or whatever - go have a drink and relax. Need to change the way my mind thinks and replace those thoughts with positive releases.

I realize it is a process and isn't going to happen overnight. One day at a time helps me to not get too overwhelmed.

junem

Thanks everyone. It is nice to gret so much support. Thanks for sharing with me. aI'm doing 1 to 2 meetings a day now and trying to stay in touch with people in the program. I go to as many dicussion meetings I can to unload some of the junk rattling around in my head and get advice from others. Due to mental heath issues I have been unable to work for some time now and find that gets me down and I feel kind of useless and empty at times. I keep reminding myself that my HP loves me and has some plans of some sort for me. rhanks for listening junem

lulu70

Hey June--Glad you made it back! I worry all the time about relapse because, for me, I KNOW it wouldn't just be a couple drinks. It would take a whole lot of alcohol to make the things I have learned in recovery go away. I don't know how much sober time you had, but I know that until I have a LOT of sobriety under my belt, I have to stay away from tempting situations. I read someone else talking about going to a party with only 4 days, and for me, that would have been suicide. Only with my luck, I would live. I also make sure I have a plan in place before I go into any slippery situations and I don't go around people who are drinking without a support person around. I'm not trying to give advice, just saying what works for me today.

Anyway, as I said, glad you made it back....Keep hangin' in....We're all here for you.

junem

Hey. I'll take all the advice I can because this is the most important matter of my life, staying sober. I currently find myself in a difficult situation in that I am not use to being alone and my son has gone off camping for a week and a half. This is the first time in recovery that I have ever been alone. My crazy addictive mind notes that this is a time I could drink and no one would know about it. I really am amazed at the power of addiction. In all other matters I have been told (mostly from my psychiatrist) that I have an exaggerated sense of self accountability but it seems to be lacking when it comes to my addiction. I am telling everyone I know about this thought that pops into my crazy head and am talking about it as well as continuing to go to lots of meetings. I making good use of the phone as well. I try not to isolate and am getting out alot. Been tiring my dog out alot with really frequent walks. Thanks for listening gang and for your input. It means alot to me.
PS. I had in one and a half years before my relapse.

Gutterdrunk

My addictive mind likes to tell me the same thing, that no one will know. But, the truth is, that it doesn't matter if you know, it matters if I know. Because being honest with yourself, is the hardest part of this program for me. And keep talking about it. My wife and kids were out of town for 2 weeks. I just did what I do everyday, one day at a time. And told every one who would listen, about my stuggle with being alone.

And it worked!

Jhana

well, I think it is the old mind churning, once you have one sip of alcohol. It is not that the one drink does it, it is that that part of the mind which says "no" gets flipped off like a switch. I really hope I can stop this behavior soon.

Didn't totally wreck myself this weekend, but I certainly didn't have the sense of happiness and accomplishment I might have had.

Hugs to all you and to me too,
gianna

In memory of miracle

(((( June ))) Just checkin in to see how you are doing ..I think it is great that you are back at meetings and workin it ! I had time in recovery too and picked up again it was no " slip " I got a whole other story ! It doesnt get any better out there does it ? I am pullin for you ...prayers ^ Trish