Alcohol is going to kill me
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 873
Alcohol is going to kill me
I am sober for 6 days prior to that I was sober for 33 days. i can't understand the temptation, I don't know me. The me that was, is now the me that wasn't.
Sober for what? What is the value of sobriety if I feel awful. I hate the habit, but, am desperate daily for answers. This feeling can't last forever, can it?
The doc gave me bad news, he said, " stop or I am on the fast tract to dying", so I hold on, but all my failures tell me I can't do this. Recovery, really? What does that mean, does it mean I suffer regardless of my urges?
Fear permeates my being, fear of the unknown, fear of the known, the reality of being being a gambling addict and a drug addict coupled with alcohol, where is my salvation?
Can it be turned, I suppose, but at what cost.? I feel like I am on an island and waiting to be slaughtered by the aborigines, I am foreign to the land of sobriety.
Where and when do I go, so desperate for answers, I am control the ego ( the self), but for how long? Its a world of perpetual regret and denial, but I stay sober waiting for better days.
Better days, I pray for thee, I wish to taste thee, partake in all the things you offer, but lost at the moment,
Sober for what? What is the value of sobriety if I feel awful. I hate the habit, but, am desperate daily for answers. This feeling can't last forever, can it?
The doc gave me bad news, he said, " stop or I am on the fast tract to dying", so I hold on, but all my failures tell me I can't do this. Recovery, really? What does that mean, does it mean I suffer regardless of my urges?
Fear permeates my being, fear of the unknown, fear of the known, the reality of being being a gambling addict and a drug addict coupled with alcohol, where is my salvation?
Can it be turned, I suppose, but at what cost.? I feel like I am on an island and waiting to be slaughtered by the aborigines, I am foreign to the land of sobriety.
Where and when do I go, so desperate for answers, I am control the ego ( the self), but for how long? Its a world of perpetual regret and denial, but I stay sober waiting for better days.
Better days, I pray for thee, I wish to taste thee, partake in all the things you offer, but lost at the moment,
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,126
Well, for many of us, those who just couldn't chalk up some sober time, who knew not where to go for help, who were so desperate in their failings to stop activity that they knew was killing themselves, they did this:
Alcoholics Anonymous (A. A.) Meetings in Reno, Nevada
Alcoholics Anonymous (A. A.) Meetings in Reno, Nevada
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Hi Thatdeliveryguy,
Posting on the SR forum can be quite a relief. Just writing down all the emotions that come up has been great for me, for sure.
The energy attached to the negative stuff seems to dissipate after throwing it out here. The many perspectives offered here can really help us question our own thoughts and reality - both the comfortable and uncomfortable.
May you have increasing clarity on your journey!
Posting on the SR forum can be quite a relief. Just writing down all the emotions that come up has been great for me, for sure.
The energy attached to the negative stuff seems to dissipate after throwing it out here. The many perspectives offered here can really help us question our own thoughts and reality - both the comfortable and uncomfortable.
May you have increasing clarity on your journey!
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,036
Yes, Delivery, it can be pretty awful in early recovery. For me, I thought it was like losing an arm or a leg. Like I was disabled by abstinence.
All I can say is, be patient. It can take a while to feel the rewards. It's taken me a long time -- like more than a year. The first year was not good.
But I'd rather have had that first year than another year of drinking at my bottom (or likely, lower). Sober days have never been bad as every day during my last years of drinking. Those were grotesque times. Sober life is sometimes anxious, weary, struggling, dull, scary, and emotional -- but it's better than the pseudo-life/slow death of alcoholic drinking.
You'll get there! ((delivery))
All I can say is, be patient. It can take a while to feel the rewards. It's taken me a long time -- like more than a year. The first year was not good.
But I'd rather have had that first year than another year of drinking at my bottom (or likely, lower). Sober days have never been bad as every day during my last years of drinking. Those were grotesque times. Sober life is sometimes anxious, weary, struggling, dull, scary, and emotional -- but it's better than the pseudo-life/slow death of alcoholic drinking.
You'll get there! ((delivery))
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,126
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,544
Originally Posted by Thatdeliveryguy 
I am sober for 6 days prior to that I was sober for 33 days. i can't understand the temptation, I don't know me. The me that was, is now the me that wasn't.
Sober for what? What is the value of sobriety if I feel awful. I hate the habit, but, am desperate daily for answers. This feeling can't last forever, can it?
The doc gave me bad news, he said, " stop or I am on the fast tract to dying", so I hold on, but all my failures tell me I can't do this. Recovery, really? What does that mean, does it mean I suffer regardless of my urges?
Fear permeates my being, fear of the unknown, fear of the known, the reality of being being a gambling addict and a drug addict coupled with alcohol, where is my salvation?
Can it be turned, I suppose, but at what cost.? I feel like I am on an island and waiting to be slaughtered by the aborigines, I am foreign to the land of sobriety.
Where and when do I go, so desperate for answers, I am control the ego ( the self), but for how long? Its a world of perpetual regret and denial, but I stay sober waiting for better days.y
Better days, I pray for thee, I wish to taste thee, partake in all the things you offer, but lost at the moment,
Sober for what? What is the value of sobriety if I feel awful. I hate the habit, but, am desperate daily for answers. This feeling can't last forever, can it?
The doc gave me bad news, he said, " stop or I am on the fast tract to dying", so I hold on, but all my failures tell me I can't do this. Recovery, really? What does that mean, does it mean I suffer regardless of my urges?
Fear permeates my being, fear of the unknown, fear of the known, the reality of being being a gambling addict and a drug addict coupled with alcohol, where is my salvation?
Can it be turned, I suppose, but at what cost.? I feel like I am on an island and waiting to be slaughtered by the aborigines, I am foreign to the land of sobriety.
Where and when do I go, so desperate for answers, I am control the ego ( the self), but for how long? Its a world of perpetual regret and denial, but I stay sober waiting for better days.y
Better days, I pray for thee, I wish to taste thee, partake in all the things you offer, but lost at the moment,
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,036
Airwick, Delivery, and anyone else reading this thread --
Sorry if I forgot to mention: It's totally, incredibly, beautifully worth it!
Worth it all over the place. Cup runneth over, banana split with a cherry on top worth it!
Don't quit!
Sorry if I forgot to mention: It's totally, incredibly, beautifully worth it!
Worth it all over the place. Cup runneth over, banana split with a cherry on top worth it! Don't quit!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 476
Originally Posted by Thatdeliveryguy
I am sober for 6 days prior to that I was sober for 33 days. i can't understand the temptation, I don't know me. The me that was, is now the me that wasn't.
Sober for what? What is the value of sobriety if I feel awful. I hate the habit, but, am desperate daily for answers. This feeling can't last forever, can it?
The doc gave me bad news, he said, " stop or I am on the fast tract to dying", so I hold on, but all my failures tell me I can't do this. Recovery, really? What does that mean, does it mean I suffer regardless of my urges?
Fear permeates my being, fear of the unknown, fear of the known, the reality of being being a gambling addict and a drug addict coupled with alcohol, where is my salvation?
Can it be turned, I suppose, but at what cost.? I feel like I am on an island and waiting to be slaughtered by the aborigines, I am foreign to the land of sobriety.
Where and when do I go, so desperate for answers, I am control the ego ( the self), but for how long? Its a world of perpetual regret and denial, but I stay sober waiting for better days.
Better days, I pray for thee, I wish to taste thee, partake in all the things you offer, but lost at the moment,
Sober for what? What is the value of sobriety if I feel awful. I hate the habit, but, am desperate daily for answers. This feeling can't last forever, can it?
The doc gave me bad news, he said, " stop or I am on the fast tract to dying", so I hold on, but all my failures tell me I can't do this. Recovery, really? What does that mean, does it mean I suffer regardless of my urges?
Fear permeates my being, fear of the unknown, fear of the known, the reality of being being a gambling addict and a drug addict coupled with alcohol, where is my salvation?
Can it be turned, I suppose, but at what cost.? I feel like I am on an island and waiting to be slaughtered by the aborigines, I am foreign to the land of sobriety.
Where and when do I go, so desperate for answers, I am control the ego ( the self), but for how long? Its a world of perpetual regret and denial, but I stay sober waiting for better days.
Better days, I pray for thee, I wish to taste thee, partake in all the things you offer, but lost at the moment,
People sometimes have very interesting posts, but certain missing key details - such as amount of alcohol/amount of drinks being consumed.......... makes it hard to comment or understand their situation.
Dont be shy new people!
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