Originally Posted by Mentium

Thanks once more to those who have responded. Croissant - read some reviews of The Heart of Addiction and found it in download format. Just read the first few pages. Looks interesting.

Originally Posted by Mentium

Yesterday I had a real insight into how alcohol has become my enemy and is in no way a 'friend'. I have been drinking for about six weeks after a six month period sober.

Originally Posted by Croissant

Yeah, depends where you are at. Some books I read in early sobriety are different to the ones I read now.




Mentium, I understand you've been sober a lot of the past few months from August to Christmas last year, then slipped at Christmas. But you were also secretly drinking Vodka after your wife was going to bed earlier this year in January and also you posted problems in February and now you say it's progressed to regularly drinking a bottle and a half of wine (daily?) for the past 6 weeks.

Mate, I really respect you coming back and wanting a new way to deal with this, but you have to start being honest with yourself. You've really been trying to moderate since Christmas last year.

I'm not saying any of this to "out" you, I just think if you don't address why those episodes have happened (and I've had my own!), you are lying to yourself.

Hope you understand where I'm coming from, but the last 6 months have not been sober ones.

Originally Posted by Mentium

I would not call that an attempt to moderate at all, but a struggle to quit. I abstained from late September to March with a few days slip over Christmas. I started drinking in my old pattern in March. I know you are suggesting I am not being honest with myself, but that is how I see it. I'm here now and not drinking and I want to keep it that way. What more can I say? I don't want to moderate because I know I can't. I seem to have a mental valve which says I either drink as much as my addiction wants me to or I am quitting for keeps.

Originally Posted by Mentium

I have been drinking for about six weeks after a six month period sober. I started in part because I found AA impossible.

Originally Posted by Mentium

So I have been drinking again. Not a huge amount by any stretch, starting late at night, a few stiff Vodka and whatavers and then to bed before I could do more damage. A bit of me wondered if that was sustainable, but it isn't - I know that.

Been going to AA, though less often, and not speaking. It has been pretty miserable, especially knowing I can do this - almost three months before Christmas sober and a month since.

Anyway I'm back here on day one feeling very pissed off with myself.

Originally Posted by Mentium

Hello all, This last month has been weird to say the least. I have been attending AA meetings and actually getting a lot out of them, but for about two weeks now when I got home in the evening and after my partner has gone to bed I have been drinking. I have typically had the equivalent of about 1/4 to a 1/3 of a bottle of vodka, 'mellowed' out and home to bed.

Although this is by most norms excessive drinking of course it is far less than I used to when in full flow and in actual fact if I could drink at this level and actually feel comfortable with myself I might even consider this as a means of coping and 'moderating' long term. However I am not comfortable with this of course. I am deceiving my partner, being less than honest at AA meetings (not that I have lied there) and most importantly I am deceiving myself. I mean wft am I doing??

I had a decent period of sobriety between late August and Christmas last year, had a lapse over Christmas and now this. The 'lapses' have not led to heavy duty drinking but I really just don't want to do life like this. So last night was the last of my late night ventures!

Although I have been going to AA I have not as yet seriously started to work on the Steps. I suspect that unless I tackle some of the things that make drinking a attractive option in some ways for me, via the therapeutic elements of the Steps I am going to continue going round and round.

So that is my next challenge!