badatbooze

I had been craving bad. Had about 90 days minus 1 and yesterday I just gave up. It was strange. When I went in the store "almost it seemed like autopilot" I was so worked up I got short of breath And dizzy like I was going to pass out. Really! The first drink sucked. But I drank both 24oz beers. Didn't enjoy the feeling and told myself that was it. Today I did it again plus two more. While finishing the last one I looked around at what had changed in the last three months. Everything so much better. I cant do this again. I won't make it if I do. I'm somewhat scared of this turning to the norm again. I guess it's back to tooth and nail for me tomorrow. It's weird..like I just forgot what was going on or something. Had to vent. Thanks

Coldfusion

Maybe some extra support would be helpful--have you thought of going to an AA meeting? I don't see you very often here at SoberRecovery...

Dee74

It's really important to fight I think badtothebone.
Fight for your sobriety.

when you get the craving, turn on your heel, walk right out of that shop and call someone or post here.

I've had the auto pilot thing, so I know it's hard.

but I've also had the moment when it lifts, as it always does.

For me it was as I opened that first beer. that's the time to hurl the can in the sink where it belongs.

Hard to do? You betcha. But it's that kind of commitment that will save your life, ya know?

D

badatbooze

Thanks. Tomorrow I start fresh and strong. My guts feel tore up right now. I can't believe I used to function daily with such **** poor motor skills. My body says no to this.

MnEman

I could have written your post several times in the past few years. In fact I went back and read a journal I was keeping, and after every slip or experiment or whatever you call it, I would write about how I didn't enjoy it, felt like crap yada yada yada…and then my next entry would be how 2 or 20 weeks later I was back trying to string a couple days together. Please believe this is progressive disease that only gets worse unless you quit and stay quit. Good luck moving forward!

happyandfree

It can happen so easily to any of us. Xtra support is a good suggestion. And just hang in there....you can do this and you will feel so much better when you do.

Compass7

I am with ya badatbooze. Autopilot for me 2 nights ago. I teased with 2 then 4 beers last night. I can hear myself saying no in my head, but somehow the brain always thinks it's different this time. It is never different. The gut, the head, the shakes, the regret is not worth it. Being sober feels much better than this. I got to work on that autopilot reaction too. Thank you for sharing your post.

SoberLife2014

Wow I can totally relate to this. The autopilot, the dizziness, the first drink tasting horrible but continuing on anyway. I had the same experience several times and I'd always say "this is the last time, this is so lame!". The last time I kept record of it in a journal (the best I could after drinking, anyway). How I felt while I was drinking to the next day (Interesting to see how fast my writing got bad after a few drinks). 1 month later I had horrible urges and my AV was trying every button to get me to drink again. I held onto the thought of that last drink and it helped me get through it. I haven't had urges like that since but if I have them again I think that's a powerful tool.

I really think those little relapses can be huge lessons for us. Hang in there!