james186

One strong motivation for stopping drinking for me was my constant, backwards facing mentality when I was drunk. Once I had a few drinks in me, there was only the past to look at - no future. I would look up people on Facebook, or try to rekindle old friendships and relationships that were long dead, try to rekindle interests I'd once had but no longer care for or music I no longer like. I think my drunken brain has wired itself to look backwards rather than forwards to protect itself from change. In it's depressive and negative state that part of me blames me for losing things that I gave up by choice and (when sober) don't regret at all. Sober I am the opposite; I'm optimistic and look forward to the next day, but my drunk self seems intent on analyzing the past and opening old wounds.

For some people the past is a place of fond memories and good times. Not for me...at least not while drinking.

least

I also tend to visit the past when it serves no purpose. I'm trying to learn to live in the moment. My dogs and cats are my teachers because they naturally know how to live in the moment.

Stoogy

Hi James, reading your post reminded me of exactly the same thoughts whilst drinking, strange how the brain looks onto the past rather than focusing on the present or future.
But it is a depressive drug so that may explain looking back in time.

biminiblue

That's the first time I've heard anyone describe it that way, and it's so true.

Not only looking at the past, but over-analyzing and second-guessing. The crazy-train is now boarding. We were pretty messed up, huh?

It's getting better day by day.

Great insight, thanks.

RylianH

I felt the same way about this. It's so helpful to hear something explained so succinctly that has such a massive effect. I'm going to try and look a bit more towards the future, and this threads helps to reaffirm that.

Spinach

What a fantastic help to remain sober, or even an indicator that you might drink when your depressed, either way not drinking seems a great help to your enjoyment.
How is not drinking going?
John.

james186

Thanks for the posisitive replies. I'm glad my ramblings have some use

The not drinking is going O.K John, thanks. I have felt better to be honest, but I'll get there!

LadyBlue0527

Great post james! This is what I call searching the roulette wheel of excuses. It took me some time to figure it out though. Whenever I drank my mind wanted to go to the negative. I sought the negative as much as I could. The more negativity I could find the greater the reason to drink. It was a way to deflect being mad at myself for drinking so that I could lay blame on something else. I remember it well. If I was having a typically happy day all I had to do was look for an old wound and reopen it, voila, instant excuse!

Once you let go of searching for those excuses and live in the moment every day becomes what you described, optimistic and looking forward to the next day. It makes for a much happier life!

nogard

A close friend of mine told me one day, "It's ok to look back, just don't stare", has served me well since

james186

I usually get to the point where I feel down about something - usually just my life in general being not what I want it to be, then the voice creeps in - 'who gives a ****, go and get a bottle, what difference does it make..?' And that sets the tone for the rest of the session. Pretty much nihilistic self destruction until I'm broke or half conscious.

LadyBlue0527

This all goes away! Power through and remember that you can't change the past nor will worrying about the future do any good. This moment, that's all that you have control over. Right now. Life gets so much better and those feelings of negativity dissipate

james186

Great advice.

james186

Living in the moment is something I have to work on. I know it will help me a lot.

james186

If it's OK I'd like to be borrow that for my signature?