HealthFirst

Thanks StormiNormi. I re-read his/her original response after reading your post and it made a lot more sense viewing it through another lens. I guess I was reading out of context. I, too, appreciate a no BS, straight forward response. You guys are amazing.

Dee74

I'm not sure you can, in the sense that we're not always able to make people respond the way we want them too.

My drinking buddies all had a vested interest in maintaining the status quo.

Wiseguy cracks are probably the lowest level of reaction.
If you want to stay in the social circle you'll need to get used to it.

My deciding not to drink was seen by some of them as a joke, a ridiculous over reaction, or in same cases, an act of villainy, treachery and treason.

That's not an exaggeration. Some people fought very hard to keep me in the drinking circle, because that was what our friendship was based on.

For all the denial, everyone who drank like me wishes they didn't.

Someone else quitting leaves the spotlight on them. It can be like a slap in the face.

Of course, you may find like I did that the problem resolves itself - my phone stopped ringing....

D

Aellyce

^This! For me probably the most important / useful approach in recovery has been learning to recognize these patterns in myself also. External feedback can be tremendously helpful in this learning.

I already made a comment to you on your other thread, but just one more thing I thought of reading this one. I think one of the best features of SR is that there is so many of us on here - a very diverse bunch of characters, communication styles, methods, etc. We have a great variety, and can be free whose comments and style we find most constructive, helpful, and compatible. It's probably similar to selecting a sponsor in AA, or finding a good therapist.

I usually get a lot of things out of a variety of posts and shares. Over time, as we read through the threads, we can spot who are the posters whose comments seem most useful. I found a bunch of people whose posts I always follow for this reason.

There are also posters in early recovery who I feel especially progressive, and I read them for inspiration and tips and to see where they struggle sometimes.

Then there are the few in recovery whose style and experiences really remind me of myself, except that they are further ahead on their journey and sometimes experienced a greater deal of hardship and losses, which they share honestly without sugar coating and with a critical attitude. These are some of the posters that I personally find most useful to follow and learn from. I hope these can serve as a kind of prevention for me.

Good job posting these pretty controversial thoughts and dilemmas of yours - it sounds like you are finding the responses helpful, which is a great start. I first posted in 2011, got lots of great comments.... no follow up. Then again later, same mistake. Finally I did not repeat that mistake this year and it's been one of the best things that I chose to do!

All the best to you