4 months today and still battling
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 539
4 months today and still battling
Today makes 4 months sober and this is how long I lasted last time. I was 4 months sober and I went out to eat on my wedding anniversary and had one glass of wine that I didn't particularily enjoy and actually posted about it here. I thought that was that, but wouldn't you know, within a few weeks it creeped back into my life and by winter I was full-blown binge drinking again. I quit again January 8th.
So this will mark the longest I've been sober since my pregnancy with my son 3 years ago.
Sobriety has been VERY difficult for me, and each day varies dramatically, which I suppose might be normal.
Some days I am blown away just by remembering how much I drank and I just can't believe it and I never want to drink again and the smell of it makes me sick, etc.etc.
On other days I get cravings so bad and my AV is is a horrible, horrible, little devil in my ear and I hear things like
1. This site(soberrecovery)and everyone on it, has convinced you that you have a problem, quit being so paranoid.
2. You live in Northern Hickville, WI. you really think you're gonna get through the rest of your life without drinking?
3. You're husband likes to drink, you're marriage won't last if you stay sober.
4. There is no other way to get that euphoric feeling except with alcohol.
5. It's time for you to just relax with some wine.
6. You can control yourself now.
7. THIS WHOLE "problem/addiction" IS IN YOUR HEAD, YOU FREAK!
8. You have to unwind sometimes, you are being a touchy bi***, better to use alcohol than RX meds.
9. You are still fat and have bad skin, quitting alcohol hasn't changed that, so why not drink again?
10. There is no way in Hell you are getting through this summer full of boating, cook-outs, and campfires with the company of alcoholics, so just dip your toe in the water, have some beer and get over it!
You see what I go through?? The worst part of this quit was there was no dramatic change. OR maybe there was and I forgot how bad it was? That happens a lot.
I need to read through my old posts, I know, but I think I even have some memorized, and still my brain says, "nahhhhh, it can be different this time, you're older and more in control.
I am OUT of TRICKS PEOPLE, and I'm desperate for some encouragement and wisdom.
I WANT to drink, but I DO NOT want to drink!
So this will mark the longest I've been sober since my pregnancy with my son 3 years ago.
Sobriety has been VERY difficult for me, and each day varies dramatically, which I suppose might be normal.
Some days I am blown away just by remembering how much I drank and I just can't believe it and I never want to drink again and the smell of it makes me sick, etc.etc.
On other days I get cravings so bad and my AV is is a horrible, horrible, little devil in my ear and I hear things like
1. This site(soberrecovery)and everyone on it, has convinced you that you have a problem, quit being so paranoid.
2. You live in Northern Hickville, WI. you really think you're gonna get through the rest of your life without drinking?
3. You're husband likes to drink, you're marriage won't last if you stay sober.
4. There is no other way to get that euphoric feeling except with alcohol.
5. It's time for you to just relax with some wine.
6. You can control yourself now.
7. THIS WHOLE "problem/addiction" IS IN YOUR HEAD, YOU FREAK!
8. You have to unwind sometimes, you are being a touchy bi***, better to use alcohol than RX meds.
9. You are still fat and have bad skin, quitting alcohol hasn't changed that, so why not drink again?
10. There is no way in Hell you are getting through this summer full of boating, cook-outs, and campfires with the company of alcoholics, so just dip your toe in the water, have some beer and get over it!
You see what I go through?? The worst part of this quit was there was no dramatic change. OR maybe there was and I forgot how bad it was? That happens a lot.
I need to read through my old posts, I know, but I think I even have some memorized, and still my brain says, "nahhhhh, it can be different this time, you're older and more in control.
I am OUT of TRICKS PEOPLE, and I'm desperate for some encouragement and wisdom.
I WANT to drink, but I DO NOT want to drink!
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,064
Originally Posted by ArcticSA 
The worst part of this quit was there was no dramatic change. OR maybe there was and I forgot how bad it was? That happens a lot.
I need to read through my old posts, I know, but I think I even have some memorized, and still my brain says, "nahhhhh, it can be different this time, you're older and more in control.
I need to read through my old posts, I know, but I think I even have some memorized, and still my brain says, "nahhhhh, it can be different this time, you're older and more in control.
☀️⛳️
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,506
Originally Posted by ArcticSA
Today makes 4 months sober and this is how long I lasted last time. I was 4 months sober and I went out to eat on my wedding anniversary and had one glass of wine that I didn't particularily enjoy and actually posted about it here. I thought that was that, but wouldn't you know, within a few weeks it creeped back into my life and by winter I was full-blown binge drinking again. I quit again January 8th.
So this will mark the longest I've been sober since my pregnancy with my son 3 years ago.
Sobriety has been VERY difficult for me, and each day varies dramatically, which I suppose might be normal.
Some days I am blown away just by remembering how much I drank and I just can't believe it and I never want to drink again and the smell of it makes me sick, etc.etc.
On other days I get cravings so bad and my AV is is a horrible, horrible, little devil in my ear and I hear things like
1. This site(soberrecovery)and everyone on it, has convinced you that you have a problem, quit being so paranoid.
2. You live in Northern Hickville, WI. you really think you're gonna get through the rest of your life without drinking?
3. You're husband likes to drink, you're marriage won't last if you stay sober.
4. There is no other way to get that euphoric feeling except with alcohol.
5. It's time for you to just relax with some wine.
6. You can control yourself now.
7. THIS WHOLE "problem/addiction" IS IN YOUR HEAD, YOU FREAK!
8. You have to unwind sometimes, you are being a touchy bi***, better to use alcohol than RX meds.
9. You are still fat and have bad skin, quitting alcohol hasn't changed that, so why not drink again?
10. There is no way in Hell you are getting through this summer full of boating, cook-outs, and campfires with the company of alcoholics, so just dip your toe in the water, have some beer and get over it!
You see what I go through?? The worst part of this quit was there was no dramatic change. OR maybe there was and I forgot how bad it was? That happens a lot.
I need to read through my old posts, I know, but I think I even have some memorized, and still my brain says, "nahhhhh, it can be different this time, you're older and more in control.
I am OUT of TRICKS PEOPLE, and I'm desperate for some encouragement and wisdom.
I WANT to drink, but I DO NOT want to drink!
So this will mark the longest I've been sober since my pregnancy with my son 3 years ago.
Sobriety has been VERY difficult for me, and each day varies dramatically, which I suppose might be normal.
Some days I am blown away just by remembering how much I drank and I just can't believe it and I never want to drink again and the smell of it makes me sick, etc.etc.
On other days I get cravings so bad and my AV is is a horrible, horrible, little devil in my ear and I hear things like
1. This site(soberrecovery)and everyone on it, has convinced you that you have a problem, quit being so paranoid.
2. You live in Northern Hickville, WI. you really think you're gonna get through the rest of your life without drinking?
3. You're husband likes to drink, you're marriage won't last if you stay sober.
4. There is no other way to get that euphoric feeling except with alcohol.
5. It's time for you to just relax with some wine.
6. You can control yourself now.
7. THIS WHOLE "problem/addiction" IS IN YOUR HEAD, YOU FREAK!
8. You have to unwind sometimes, you are being a touchy bi***, better to use alcohol than RX meds.
9. You are still fat and have bad skin, quitting alcohol hasn't changed that, so why not drink again?
10. There is no way in Hell you are getting through this summer full of boating, cook-outs, and campfires with the company of alcoholics, so just dip your toe in the water, have some beer and get over it!
You see what I go through?? The worst part of this quit was there was no dramatic change. OR maybe there was and I forgot how bad it was? That happens a lot.
I need to read through my old posts, I know, but I think I even have some memorized, and still my brain says, "nahhhhh, it can be different this time, you're older and more in control.
I am OUT of TRICKS PEOPLE, and I'm desperate for some encouragement and wisdom.
I WANT to drink, but I DO NOT want to drink!
That little voice can tear your world apart if you allow it too, you are obviously craving to an extent but you are 4 months in to sobriety which is a tremendous achievement in itself, I also have cravings especially if I have a bad day at the office or if I'm stressed about anything, all these are just triggers for most people and we have to learn to deal with it in our own specific ways which may very for people, mine is generally exercise which works more often than not and gives me a natural high afterwards.
Be strong and true to yourself and you won't go far wrong.
Take care.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: TN
Posts: 114
4 months? You should be proud. I'm on "day" 4! Been drinking since I was 16 and I'm 45 now. I finally once again and hopefully for the last time since the 90s am quitting drinking. Isn't it interesting how that voice never tells you all the organs in your body it will destroy while you consume it? Tell that voice to go to hell where it belongs. All the "good stuff" that voice is telling you are lies. Be strong. You have it in you. At 4 months your an inspiration to me.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by ArcticSA
I am OUT of TRICKS PEOPLE, and I'm desperate for some encouragement and wisdom.
It's not unusual to be struggling at four months. But if you are miserable being sober, it sounds to me (and I hate to characterize) like you are merely abstaining from alcohol instead of recovering from alcoholism.
One easy-to-implement trick...use SR daily.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
congrats on 4 mos Arctic,
I don't know if this will help. But I thought about how it might work for us alcoholics.
As I was reading on a fitness site last nite, this is what was 'said'. When you begin getting back into shape, it takes a couple months to feel better, it takes a couple more months for you to notice the physical change, it takes six months for others to notice the change in you. But during that time you will plateau somewhere along the way. And unless you change your routine and try something different you will be stuck. And when you get stuck you may start to give up.
Think about your long term goals. Try something different in your daily routine. Think of good thoughts. Think of what you CAN do once you are seriously grounded in your sobriety. We can't change or expect change overnight. Or in six months perhaps. I'm on month 4 and still haven't done a lot to revamp my life. I know I have to start changing things if I want to improve my life. Stopping drinking is a very small part of the improvement process. It is the most important step in the process. But doing nothing but not drinking isn't going to make us better in the end. Start on some life goals. Track your progress, some things take time. You have to put in the time and effort and not expect to see real results until you work at it over time. But you can't give up.
Think of it like fishing for musky. It will occupy your time and you will think it is a total waste of time and energy. This will take time and effort though. You can spend hours, days without success. You will have to change your tactics in order to be successful. If you keep doing the same thing day after day you're never going to land one. One day that monster finally grabs your line. Then a new battle begins. You do your best to get that fish to the boat. When you finally land him you are full of gratitude for such an accomplishment. Job well done. But it wasn't a gimme.
Sobriety is sort of the same. Don't get stuck in a rut. Change your tactics. Face challenges straight on. Sometimes you have to horse that fish and sometimes you have to finesse it in. You have to be able to adapt to the situation.
Now get out there and land a big one! Hope you liked my musky analogy being from up north and all.
I don't know if this will help. But I thought about how it might work for us alcoholics.
As I was reading on a fitness site last nite, this is what was 'said'. When you begin getting back into shape, it takes a couple months to feel better, it takes a couple more months for you to notice the physical change, it takes six months for others to notice the change in you. But during that time you will plateau somewhere along the way. And unless you change your routine and try something different you will be stuck. And when you get stuck you may start to give up.
Think about your long term goals. Try something different in your daily routine. Think of good thoughts. Think of what you CAN do once you are seriously grounded in your sobriety. We can't change or expect change overnight. Or in six months perhaps. I'm on month 4 and still haven't done a lot to revamp my life. I know I have to start changing things if I want to improve my life. Stopping drinking is a very small part of the improvement process. It is the most important step in the process. But doing nothing but not drinking isn't going to make us better in the end. Start on some life goals. Track your progress, some things take time. You have to put in the time and effort and not expect to see real results until you work at it over time. But you can't give up.
Think of it like fishing for musky. It will occupy your time and you will think it is a total waste of time and energy. This will take time and effort though. You can spend hours, days without success. You will have to change your tactics in order to be successful. If you keep doing the same thing day after day you're never going to land one. One day that monster finally grabs your line. Then a new battle begins. You do your best to get that fish to the boat. When you finally land him you are full of gratitude for such an accomplishment. Job well done. But it wasn't a gimme.
Sobriety is sort of the same. Don't get stuck in a rut. Change your tactics. Face challenges straight on. Sometimes you have to horse that fish and sometimes you have to finesse it in. You have to be able to adapt to the situation.
Now get out there and land a big one! Hope you liked my musky analogy being from up north and all.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 539
Originally Posted by LBrain
congrats on 4 mos Arctic,
I don't know if this will help. But I thought about how it might work for us alcoholics.
As I was reading on a fitness site last nite, this is what was 'said'. When you begin getting back into shape, it takes a couple months to feel better, it takes a couple more months for you to notice the physical change, it takes six months for others to notice the change in you. But during that time you will plateau somewhere along the way. And unless you change your routine and try something different you will be stuck. And when you get stuck you may start to give up.
Think about your long term goals. Try something different in your daily routine. Think of good thoughts. Think of what you CAN do once you are seriously grounded in your sobriety. We can't change or expect change overnight. Or in six months perhaps. I'm on month 4 and still haven't done a lot to revamp my life. I know I have to start changing things if I want to improve my life. Stopping drinking is a very small part of the improvement process. It is the most important step in the process. But doing nothing but not drinking isn't going to make us better in the end. Start on some life goals. Track your progress, some things take time. You have to put in the time and effort and not expect to see real results until you work at it over time. But you can't give up.
Think of it like fishing for musky. It will occupy your time and you will think it is a total waste of time and energy. This will take time and effort though. You can spend hours, days without success. You will have to change your tactics in order to be successful. If you keep doing the same thing day after day you're never going to land one. One day that monster finally grabs your line. Then a new battle begins. You do your best to get that fish to the boat. When you finally land him you are full of gratitude for such an accomplishment. Job well done. But it wasn't a gimme.
Sobriety is sort of the same. Don't get stuck in a rut. Change your tactics. Face challenges straight on. Sometimes you have to horse that fish and sometimes you have to finesse it in. You have to be able to adapt to the situation.
Now get out there and land a big one! Hope you liked my musky analogy being from up north and all.
I don't know if this will help. But I thought about how it might work for us alcoholics.
As I was reading on a fitness site last nite, this is what was 'said'. When you begin getting back into shape, it takes a couple months to feel better, it takes a couple more months for you to notice the physical change, it takes six months for others to notice the change in you. But during that time you will plateau somewhere along the way. And unless you change your routine and try something different you will be stuck. And when you get stuck you may start to give up.
Think about your long term goals. Try something different in your daily routine. Think of good thoughts. Think of what you CAN do once you are seriously grounded in your sobriety. We can't change or expect change overnight. Or in six months perhaps. I'm on month 4 and still haven't done a lot to revamp my life. I know I have to start changing things if I want to improve my life. Stopping drinking is a very small part of the improvement process. It is the most important step in the process. But doing nothing but not drinking isn't going to make us better in the end. Start on some life goals. Track your progress, some things take time. You have to put in the time and effort and not expect to see real results until you work at it over time. But you can't give up.
Think of it like fishing for musky. It will occupy your time and you will think it is a total waste of time and energy. This will take time and effort though. You can spend hours, days without success. You will have to change your tactics in order to be successful. If you keep doing the same thing day after day you're never going to land one. One day that monster finally grabs your line. Then a new battle begins. You do your best to get that fish to the boat. When you finally land him you are full of gratitude for such an accomplishment. Job well done. But it wasn't a gimme.
Sobriety is sort of the same. Don't get stuck in a rut. Change your tactics. Face challenges straight on. Sometimes you have to horse that fish and sometimes you have to finesse it in. You have to be able to adapt to the situation.
Now get out there and land a big one! Hope you liked my musky analogy being from up north and all.
(it was not a musky though, it was a smallmouth bass) Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
I can tell you that it wasn't until I got past 4 months (I am now close to eight months sober) that my AV quieted down a lot. Congratulations, you are almost past a big hurdle! I don't think we can expect sobriety to be the magic bullet to fix all of our troubles, in fact sobriety is bringing to light a lot of the troubles I tried to drown, but now being sober I feel like I have the strength and self esteem to finally address these troubles and move on from them.
I keep a sobriety journal in which I copy a lot of SR posts and quotes that I find particularly helpful. In it, I also have a list of all of the embarrassing, sickening, dangerous, scary, etc. things I did while under the influence of alcohol. I have a good-bye letter to alcohol in it. These are all good reminders of all of the bad, that the short-lived buzz of alcohol comes with. Jason Vale's book , Quit the Drink Easily really appeals to my logical mind and it quiets my AV down, too. Finally, I read here to name your AV after someone you really don't care for _ that has helped me more than I thought! Naming no names.
I keep a sobriety journal in which I copy a lot of SR posts and quotes that I find particularly helpful. In it, I also have a list of all of the embarrassing, sickening, dangerous, scary, etc. things I did while under the influence of alcohol. I have a good-bye letter to alcohol in it. These are all good reminders of all of the bad, that the short-lived buzz of alcohol comes with. Jason Vale's book , Quit the Drink Easily really appeals to my logical mind and it quiets my AV down, too. Finally, I read here to name your AV after someone you really don't care for _ that has helped me more than I thought! Naming no names.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 539
"I keep a sobriety journal in which I copy a lot of SR posts and quotes that I find particularly helpful. In it, I also have a list of all of the embarrassing, sickening, dangerous, scary, etc. things I did while under the influence of alcohol. I have a good-bye letter to alcohol in it. "
Sounds like a good idea...
Sounds like a good idea...
Don't give up now! 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,643
Congratulations on 4 months ArcticSA! You've gotten through the worst part already, don't cave now. Put on your mother hat and put that AV in its place. That internal tantrum your experiencing is because you are allowing the AV to make you question a decision you made and it senses your insecurity. Stand firm in your commitment and tell the AV "nice try but it the answer is still no."
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
4 months is really amazing to me. I do not have any great insight but would like to send a cyber-hug.
Have you ever fly-fished in any of those great trout streams in you neck of the woods? Tying flies and hunting great trout spots is a little geek-out treat of mine I learned (while trying to learn to relax) in school. Totally absorbing.
Keep going!!
Have you ever fly-fished in any of those great trout streams in you neck of the woods? Tying flies and hunting great trout spots is a little geek-out treat of mine I learned (while trying to learn to relax) in school. Totally absorbing.
Keep going!!
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
I grew up in your neck of the woods Arctic. More bars there than grocery stores, in so?. It seems like everyone drinks. You don't have to though. Four months could be a sort of hump for you. Right around three months was always a difficult time for me. Took me several attempts to get beyond that. There was a new sort of clarity for me when I finally got past that early obstacle though.
I liked catching walleye myself. Not the best fighters, but certainly good eating. Spring is in the air. Enjoy it sober.... and the summer too!
I liked catching walleye myself. Not the best fighters, but certainly good eating. Spring is in the air. Enjoy it sober.... and the summer too!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 539
Originally Posted by awuh1
I grew up in your neck of the woods Arctic. More bars there than grocery stores, in so?. It seems like everyone drinks. You don't have to though. Four months could be a sort of hump for you. Right around three months was always a difficult time for me. Took me several attempts to get beyond that. There was a new sort of clarity for me when I finally got past that early obstacle though.
I liked catching walleye myself. Not the best fighters, but certainly good eating. Spring is in the air. Enjoy it sober.... and the summer too!
I liked catching walleye myself. Not the best fighters, but certainly good eating. Spring is in the air. Enjoy it sober.... and the summer too!
Dee74 All I'm doing for my recovery is not drinking. Every AA meeting here is in the evenings which doesn't work. Don't know what else I can do?
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