Lance40

3 days is a HUGE deal so well done!

lunar

Congratulations on your decision to take back control of your life.
Don't expect others to understand, don't dwell on their reactions.
YOU can do this!

LBrain

Well little Jimmy, it seems we are back to where we were a year ago.
Of the multiple times you "tried" to quit and failed, this time you really mean it.
I applaud you and congratulate you on your current streak of three days.

Did you ever hear the story of 'the boy who cried wolf'? Perhaps those around you heard the same story too. So, it is frustrating to those of us who deep inside are committed to staying sober yet cannot understand why the local committee doesn't sign on to support your campaign.

Your children must remember from a year ago you trying this and getting drunk again. Or the countless (I'm guessing here) times you tried to quit in the past and failed. Soooooooooo, is it really indifference or are they just thinking, "Yeah right, we heard this before." ? I know way back when when I said I was quitting I lasted a week or so. I'm sure there are countless others here who can give similar examples of the same. Stories like "My 'spouse' is leaving me for sure this time."

It boils down to actions speak louder than words. Once you prove your are serious about this and can sustain a period of sobriety it is probable your people will get on board. Just exclaiming it to them is futile at the present moment.

Besides quitting, what else have you done? Did you see your psychiatrist? Did you seek counseling or get medical advice? Have you tried meetings etc.?
Coming here is great. You will always get support from us on SR. We are blind to you in a sense. It is also our battle too to help you overcome this terrible thing in your life. We want it for you as much as you do. You are going to get unequivocal love and support here. You have never 'hurt' any one of us. We are on the same team! However, to those in your life you may come across as a 'traitor'. I can only speculate as to how your history has affected those loved ones in your life. But I can empathize with them. I've seen it from other relatives how the entire family was affected.

So don't think there is no love at home. You may call it indifference. BUT, perhaps they are not indifferent at all. Perhaps they are nothing more than hopeful and don't know how to react this time. Maybe they are just numb to it.

I hope this made sense.

Stoogy

Unless you have a problem you cannot begin to understand at all, that is why apart from my wife no-one in my life is aware that I quit drinking over 5 months ago, but then again they never new I had a problem with alcohol in the first place so they probably would be indifferent. only addicts can understand and fully appreciate the magnitude of the effort put in by everyone here.

I am extremely proud of everyone doing there upmost to be sober, be happier and be healthier. Well done guys.

MIRecovery

I think 3 days is great but if you are waiting for brownie points from the rest of the world you will be waiting a long time. I got sober for me and no one else

anewpage

First, I love that you called me Jimmy. lol

Other than quitting drinking, I have been to see my dr and got on the correct medications for a few different issues I've had for a long time. She warned me that alcohol counteracts the way that anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds work, so that's a huge incentive for me. I want my meds to work.

I also have got information about AA. I just have to figure out when I'm actually going. I'm insistent about it this time. No more chickening out. I need extra help, and I hope they can help me.

cometk

On my day 3 (yesterday) when I told my sister about the extent of my problem and that I was adopting sobriety, she told me she was proud of me. I thanked her, but it made me sad that someone was proud of me for trying to undo something that I should have never done in the first place. So it is a double edge sword.

But as someone who is at essentially the same place you are, I'm proud of you. Good luck on your journey.

Chris

anewpage

I don't want "brownie points" from the rest of the world.. just some interest from my immediate family. Even though alcoholism is something I brought on myself (albeit very gradually over a period of years) I am not an evil person and don't enjoy feeling like my very serious issues are being ignored. (I should add that they never seemed very worried about my drinking, either. They are showing the same kind of attitude to my wanting to quit.)

Knat84

Woot for the 3 days!!!!!

I had the same reaction from a few people. (family members). Everyone thought that after I had my baby (that's when I got sober, pregnancy), that I was going to return to alcohol (I thought so myself.)
Well, I didn't! Almost 3 years sober!
You know what's messed up? Before, when I drank, I got a lot of guff about it. A lot of talk behind my back. NOW, I still get that, however, talk about how I probably did not quit and still do it in secret. (My uncle thinks that. My uncle whom I never see, even!) It's frustrating as hell. You just wanna' shake them and say "You don't understand!!!"

Well, guess what, a lot of people are not especially good at being trusting. And yes, because of your prior relapses, they probably do not have faith in you. That crap does NOT matter. What matters is do YOU have faith in you?? We are here for you.
Prove everyone wrong and show them your strength. It takes time to build trust between others. Not to sound messed up, but, you only have 3 days. NOW, I understand that is a great milestone, a step in the right direction. But, 3 days to the guy who does not 'get it' is nothing. Now, in a year, 'maybe' they'll get it and take you seriously.

Cheers! Keep on with your sobriety!!!

yeahgr8

Its exactly as you have put in your original post, they expect you to relapse and having to deal with that again. Prove them wrong over the coming years!

I stuck a calendar up on fridge when i was living at home. I put a cross for each day sober. One day my Dad said "one more cross and you've got a line". I drank the next day.

I would advise going to AA because you will get support there and understanding for the journey you have undertaken. Dont keep banging your head against a wall trying to get that from people who haven't got it to give!

Berrybean

Yep - AA will be a MASSIVE help.
I have lots of great friends and a loving partner who are all 'kind of' behind me getting sober, but don't see it as a big deal. They don't understand, and why should they?
After a couple of weeks I was feeling SO lonely and isolated in it all so I finally got the courage to go to AA. What a relief to talk to people who know how you're feeling and can reassure you that you're not going mad. People who can offer tips on sober-strategies. People who can share their stories and give the benefit of their experiences and wisdom. And the quiet but reserved compassion and sharing of tea that soothes the jangling nerves. Don't just think about it. DO it. One day at a time.

biminiblue

In my case, I am an only child. After about age 12 or so, I didn't get the same kind of intense attention. I was one of two grandchildren, as well. I'm pretty sure a lot of my acting out was a cry for attention. My parents were divorced when I was seven, I rarely saw my alcoholic father and my mother had to work full time. I had no other family within 3,000 miles, so I was left to my own devices w a y too much after age seven.

Kids will look for attention wherever they can find it. As an attractive girl, I unfortunately had Daddy Issues written all over my insecure self. Even the abusive, predatory attention from males was better than total isolation in my mind. Touching and being touched was still contact with another human. I can see where negative attention eventually led to alcohol and even more acting out in more destructive ways - if there is such a thing.

Spiral down till age 18 when I was put out of my mother's house.

I saw my life as "no one really cares." and indeed they sort of didn't. They had their own crap to deal with and no one really knows another's pain unless they sit and listen. In my family feelings were never discussed. Shame and guilt were the ruling emotions. I am now the only one alive in my family. My problems were never discussed. Neither were theirs.

The point is (what's the point?) you're right. Once we become teenagers we are pretty much on our own in a lot of families. They can't worry too much unless they want to go down with us. It's actually probably a self-protection thing for the parents. Parents are struggling with their own demons and issues. It's up to us to solve our dilemmas - and so it should be. We are all our own people and have to find our own way in the world.

DoubleDragons

I hear you. That is why I love SR. It is filled with people who understand. When I decided to quit drinking, my husband pretty much quit, too. He did this to show support to me and to get healthier and lose weight. Well, for him, quitting alcohol was like, "Okay, no more cookies." Disappointing, but he did not need a support group to quit, nor does he need a support group to stay quit. He had no withdrawals, no white knuckling moments, no grief. So, while I appreciate his support, I think he assumes it is the same for me. "No biggie, glad we are healthier." I don't feel like I get any kudos from him when I reach milestones (going on 8 months sober) because he just doesn't get it and no one knows me better than him. I don't really know any other sober people (except a distant cousin who I never see), so I really feel alone in this sometimes. Once again, TG for SR! Stick tight and use us as support. Sobriety is great, no matter what.

MIRecovery

I do know what you are saying and it is disappointing. I will have 5 yrs in July and I guarantee that only AA people will remember or celebrate. My family won't.

Such is life

anewpage

MIRecovery, I am near Grand Rapids myself. I wonder if we'll end up crossing paths

Anna

When I was in the early days, it was the loneliest time in my life, by far. I will never forget it. I had pushed people away and I had no support in my life at all. The good thing about that, was that I had to dig deep and decide to recover for myself, and it didn't matter whether or not family/friends acknowledged it. I knew what I was doing.

Hevyn

Hi anewpage.

All the good stuff's already been said. So I'll just add that you are cared about here - and your triumphs will never go unnoticed. I had the same situation with my family - that's why joining SR meant so much to me as I tried to come out of the fog. Three days is wonderful.

james186

It's not just you being silly, I can assure you. I've had the exact same reaction. People either don't want you to stop drinking because they drink, don't care that you have to stop drinking and don't understand how hard it is. I have had some mild health issues from drinking and people still don't seem to understand I have a problem and need to quit. Either that or they just don't give a damn. I'd like to think it's the former rather than the latter.

tim68

An alcoholic in recovery trying to hang around other active alcoholics still drinking doesn't work. Just like a child molester can't be around children. You as a recovering alcoholic have to take that first step and walk away from your so called "friends" and see who follows and supports you. The ones that stay at the table still slamming down the shots as you walk out the door were never friends to begin with. There are a LOT of selfish people in this world that just want another fellow alcoholic as company in misery. And misery finds company. Take time to step back and assess how it makes you feel when those you thought of as friends put their drink and partying before you. They are not your friends. Period. You WILL find friends in recovery. Those are the ones you want. It's hard to close a familiar door and open up a new one. But you have to do it. A much better life awaits.