Verte

Enjoy your day haennie...cannot wait to hear about it!!

yeahgr8

The last thing it could be sanely described as it is normal to want to have a drink based on a feeling but it describes untreated alcoholism to a tee.

What are you doing in terms of your recovery in the real workd to support you virtual world one

Aellyce

Hi Yeahgr8,

I see what you mean, but it's not that I WANTED to have a drink. Not my conscious self. I absolutely don't ever want to drink again - had no problem deciding this in January and sticking with the thought. I don't even like to think about it one day at a time, that makes me anxious - for me it's better as a definitive decision, "forever".

It was just a craving, the kind that can hit us randomly out of the blue, but I feel I'm pretty good at handling these and I don't have them too often and too intensely now >3 months sober - yesterday it just hit me quite strongly and I was trying to understand why and thought to post about it also because I found the story associated with it interesting to share.

I felt stressed yesterday. I did not mean to act on my craving, it was just uncomfortable and writing about it plus getting lots of responses here really helped - it was totally gone and I have not had that feeling today at all.

I would not call myself "untreated" - I've been doing plenty of things for my recovery in the last 3 months. Lots of lifestyle changes and attitude modifications. Lots of reading about addiction recovery. Have improved my diet a lot, am exercising ~regularly, meditating daily, and am working on developing more healthy routines. I have been addressing a few health concerns and checkups that I neglected for years. I actually feel that I've progressed a lot in the past 3 months, and while I do occasionally fall into some of the old unhealthy attitudes and did make some mistakes in my actions, I feel I do recognize the negative tendencies quite clearly and stop them before they progress too far.

Went to a few AA meetings, which I did not think I would do in the beginning. I have not started working with a sponsor yet, which you might argue I should asap, but I just want to find the right person to make max benefit. I will also start therapy hopefully soon once I'm done with all the medical checkups that I want and need. I like to be methodical with things and proceed in a reasonable order, not to juggle too many things at a time. If you think I should be more focused on AA and therapy, I will say you are right and these are next on my plate, I know I've slowed down a bit lately. So this is it more or less so far, as a brief summary.

You are absolutely correct suggesting recovery should be all about action, and more action. I know that sometimes I get stuck in thinking too much.

Aellyce

To everyone:

Thanks so much for all the kind words and support yesterday, folks! It really worked on me yesterday and this morning when I re-read this thread. Totally calmed me down. I really felt that I'm surrounded with friends who genuinely care - simply knowing this is very healing.

So the thesis defense went very well today, she did a truly great job! I was so proud and moved by all of it. We had a nice lunch and a little afternoon celebration with desserts with her family, friends, plus colleagues. There was champagne available but not many people got into it and they just had 1-2 small glasses. There were like 30 people and they drank less than two bottles in total. I did not touch the stuff or thought about it at all. But did fill myself pretty well with all the yummy food. The student will go out to celebrate more with her family and friends this evening - they already left.

I also found this event quite transformative in my mind: I think this is how a thesis defense and celebration should go, organizing it was very good team work, everyone contributed and participated. And like some of you suggested yesterday, now it's done and after all it was just one professional event out of the many. I'm very happy about it and ready for the next task

Once again, thank you very much for talking to me and all the good words!

letitgo

Great job. Its great the event was during the day and not many people will drink then. We can still supports our colleagues and cheers with water, juice or soda. We don't need booze to congratulate someone. The simple feeling of knowing you help guide someone to a success they may not have imagined is filled with all the endorphins and happiness you need. A celebratory dinner and good food is something to treat ourselves with in moderation.

You are an inspiration to us all. I find it intriguing how established many of the people on this site are. We all come from many walks of life. It shows that alcohol/addiction is blind to color, race, religion, class and gender.

We all have one goal and can support each other. I wish you the best Haennie and thanks for sharing. I am going on a business trip alone soon in a hotel. I have the same anxiety about being prepared for situation that you mentioned. Can I trust myself alone to not buy alcohol? Time with tell. I will definately use SR as a tool on the road.

LBrain

Gladnto hear everything went well haennie.
congratulations to you and alln involved.

Itchy

Haennie,
Never was a doubt in my mind after reading your responses. I taught for three years of my career at the AF Academy, and counseled at LSUS during a break in service for school. I'm Psych, Sociology, and Industrial engineering with some pre-med and International relations thrown in. I'm old school Albert Ellis RET on the one hand, Leo Buscaglia on the other Eclectic.

Thanks so much for posting back your success.

Croissant

Haennie...thanks for your original post and glad to see you got through it.

I find it useful to post here too if there's something bothering me about sobriety...or I can't resolve in my new-found clear mind! I also noticed you are around the 3 month mark, and I wavered around that time and did not post on an issue and ended up having a drink.

Different events bring up parts of me I haven't had to deal with in a long time. Daily drinking ensured that probably 50% of my waking hours were focused on drinking, 25% recovering only physically enough to eat and get to work and the remaining 25% muddling some kind of life together with the fuzz left over. It's no wonder big events bring a wave of "stuff" we now have to approach with our full faculties!

I imagine it would also bring up some sadness for the girl you were that got lost after your celebration of your presentation. I would imagine there is a loss and a mourning of that time also, perhaps.


Yes, I'm glad you updated too, Haennie. Thanks also, Itchy, for your thoughts on cognitive dissonance. Definitely fits into the next phase of my recovery. Thanks for detailing the concept so well.

Aellyce

Thanks again, everyone More good stuff in your posts.

Letitgo - I'm actually much less "established" than you might think. ~OK in the work/career area, I think because that's where I've focused most of my energies since college and that was also my lifeline during my worst times, the one that helped me get sober in the end because I just could not bear seeing how my drinking started to destroy it, including my work connections. And of course I will never know how all could have been had my life not included all the unhealthy mentalities and behaviors. Oh well. Other areas of my life... well, need LOTS of work. I know it'll be a long journey for me to establish what I could call balance, but that's my goal, like for most of us here.

Brain - thanks!

Itchy - very cool, nice to "meet" another person in psych-related profession. There is a few of us on SR. I'm actually a biologist by training and ended in neuro and behavior research over time, but worked in other areas of biology (they are all connected in certain ways) as well before. It's been a long journey of finding my "niche", which I believe was a form of identity search for me. Actually I already knew this as a kid (wanted to study psychology/philosophy but rejected these out of fear in the beginning, again, long story). No surprise I'm very happy in my current field and don't plan to move on anymore, time to settle more.
Oh yes, I also thank you for explaining cognitive dissonance in detail for all of us. I love that concept myself.

Croissant - yep planning drinking, drinking, and recovering from being drunk were extremely effective killers of time and constructive activities. I guess it's best to not dwell on that anymore and focus on learning to use all the new found time and clarity.
The student is actually staying for a few more months to wrap up some work, and that will be another exciting phase for us. And there is more of them, the next one is expected to finish sometime next year.

OK time to get out for the day - thanks a lot for the friendly interactions, be well!