Marina0719

Good morning. I have never really spoke with anyone regarding this, and the reason being is that I was in denial that my husband had a problem- he was very manipulating and convincing. We got married young and the binge drinking was portrayed as something "all college kids do". As time progressed, it was episodes of binge drinking about 4-6 months apart. Then a DUI.. which while he drank, his friend was driving his car.. not a full admission but this period followed by 4 years of sobriety and AA- it was magic. Then one day, "I am not an alcoholic, I don't belong in AA" and beers in the fridge followed by binge drinking episodes 4 months apart. I noticed my husband detaching and pulling away. He would come home smelling like alcohol but say that he just had one and drank a lot of water before driving. But he was not the same- just depressed, irritable, moody, sensitive, and detached. He finally said he was so depressed that he went to see a therapist. I don't know what he told the therapist (I am sure nothing about drinking)- he was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and told that he needs to take care of himself. So my husband came home and basically told me that he is stressed out over "our marriage" and the man that he can not be because "he lost feelings for me and feels guilty"- that he needs to move out. He moved out two weeks ago and.. on day two got his third DUI! The story? He had the flu (he was sick a few days before) and was sleeping in his car.. a victim of police bullying (sigh..) I received the police report, he refused the breathalyzer and admitted to the officers that he had a drink. He is telling his whole family that he was so sick, he does not remember what he said. So right now he got a lawyer and is trying to fight it. Meanwhile, a man that told me he grew apart from me and had no feelings is calling constantly and wants to come over to see me and my daughter. I tried to tell him to wake up and get sober- he gets upset that I think he is a drunk and I need to just accept that he left. This has been a horrible situation, I have no anger- but I have seen a loving man and father turn into someone unrecognizable. I don't know how to act toward him or what to say. His father is in AA and has been for 20 years and he has a hard time talking about this matter right now. He told me to look past his words and to accept him as a "sick man" and not get upset or emotional over his words- It would be helpful for me to hear a perspective of someone who walked in my husband's shoes- how does an alcoholic think?

Nonsensical

Welcome to SR!

Sorry for all of your troubles. You might find some additional help and support if you post in the Friends and Families section. Good folks there.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

least

Welcome to the site. You've got your hands full right now. I hope our support can help you. Do take a look at the forum linked above. Lots of insight there.

Marina0719

Thank you all! I posted the message on the page you provided. I am having a hard time looking past my husband's words "I am numb, I grew apart from you" and really come to terms that he has a serious issue with alcohol and it is easier for him to point fingers at anyone else than to see the situation and take a self-inventory.

LBrain

Hi Marina, so sorry to hear what you're going through. Yes, this man needs help. Unfortunately you cannot help him directly. He seems to have placed you on the level of adversary at the moment. Until he realizes it and accepts his problem, his misery will continue. Classic case of denial - 3 DUIs... Can the father intervene? At least have someone besides yourself try to reach him. It may take something drastic for him to see the light. Hopefully before it is not too late.

In the meantime your first order of business take care of yourself and your daughter.

There is a lot of support here. Keep posting. Even if it's only to get something off your chest, you will always have support here.

Marina0719

As crazy as it sounds he has shut everyone out. His father can not reach him, he gets defensive "Have you been talking to my wife?" and then when I told him he could only come visit on Wednesday and not Tuesday, he blurted "Now Al Anon will keep me away from my family"- insane! He has left us.

krete77

I'm sorry to hear this. It breaks my heart. I hope that things do work out for you.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Marina

I'm sorry for your situation but I know you'll find a lot of support here.

I'm not sure if I can give a universal answer on how alcoholics think...but I remember it was easier for me to blame everyone else for my trouble than it was for me to stand and face those problems.

I lost a lot of things in my life through not wanting to stop drinking - I thought I could control it 'if people just left me alone'.

Of course that was nonsense. In the end I WAS alone...but I still drank.

There are happy endings tho for some of us

Eventually I did come to my senses - I had a moment of clarity - and I turned my life around.

I hope your husband can do the same

D