DreamingDog

I posted this in the May thread but wanted to make a new thread to see if I could get a few more responses. It's a bit of a request for help on how to deal with emotions.

I was just wondering about something and wanted to ask y'all what you thought.

Do you ever replay memories of past hurts and pains in your head? I was doing that last night as I laid in my bed trying to get to sleep. The past hurts are always related to something some other person said or did to me. A stranger blowing up at me, a loved one insulting me, etc. It's like I keep these memories locked up well during the day and when I lay down to sleep, they come back very vividly. I always ruminate on them, get angry all over again, and feel like I should have stood up for myself more.

Do y'all ever do that? Any thoughts on what to make of it? Any ideas on how to put this emotional baggage to rest? I think these angry/hurtful thoughts are a big source of why I drank. I need some new skills.

Thanks for reading.

letitgo

Yes. I do that also. Sometimes its hard to fall asleep when thoughts ruminate or are racing. You need to come to terms with them. Put them in the back of your mind. Easier said then done.
We can only dwell on the present or future.
Allow yourself 15 minutes a day to worry about them if needed. Then do something else or put them away. Set an alarm.
Think about what is important today. Focus on the can do. Try not to focus on the cant or let past issues negate future actions with negativity.
Seek a counselor or therapist to find better coping mechanisms.
Go for a walk or exercise.
I am still working on the same issues.
I wish you all the best.

nmd

I find my self spinning on thoughts at times, but for me at least, I think I have an obsessive personality. I haven't had enough sober time to really figure out everything that is underneathl. For me though, alcohol makes it worse. If I'm upset about something and in an argument, being drunk is like having a scratched record playing in my head, the same crazy thing keeps repeating over and over. I seek an answer or resolve but can't find it. Being sober at least, I can try to refocus myself, read a book, work on a project, something that requires my attention.

huntingtontx

Hello DD. It is so common it has a name, and it is called monkey mind. I am not kidding. Look it up. I have a lot of hurt in my life that I could turn to, but for me it was turning over the hurt to God, and then allowing myself to forgive those that hurt me. It was not easy, but the peace afterwards is so worth the effort. When we get sober we have to feel all the emotions we had been pouring alcohol or drugs on. It is sometimes painful, but a part of healing. I wish you well and will keep you in my prayers.

Verte

Hi Dreaming Dog,

One thing I added to my 'toolbox' which I whole-heartedly suggest looking into:

Last year I signed up for a 'mindfulness' class with a local psychiatrist who has been practicing 'mindfulness' for 15 years and teaching others. A LOT of others.

Mind you, I felt desperate and a little skeptical because I have tried relaxation/meditation in the past and was actually kicked out of a class in college (20 tightly-wound people sitting in a circle...jungle sounds CD with macaws 'caw', 'caw'-ing in the background...come on, who would not die laughing??).

Check out umassmed.edu - it is mindfulness training that has been taught for a really long time.

Teaches you to go about your day with those thoughts coming in, see them, and let them go without judgement. Deep breathing. All that good stuff. Helps deal with the jerks of the past and the present. Helps get them out of your head space.

Especially at night! I uploaded the CDs on my phone so I can just play it wherever. Always end up falling asleep somewhere in the middle.

Ruby2

I've done this. Laying in bed thinking about what I could have should have done. Over and over again. I give myself permission to be angry about it for a little bit and then let it go. Easier said than done and it takes practice. I can't change any of those interactions but I can learn from them. If you are the praying type, I say a prayer for the person or situation. Deep breathing and clearing my mind helps calm me. We call it the squirrel cage in my AA meetings. Taking a walk. Lately I have been reflecting on what my role was in the interaction and what I might have done to cause it or make it worse. I usually don't like my answer to myself and then try to work on changing that part of me for the future.

Ruby2

Oh. And writing it out, whether on a piece of paper or on here helps me see it better. It's like draining the sink to get it out.

GracieLou

The only thing that was able to save me from these racing thoughts was seeing my part in them. I was able to do that by completing the 4th and 5th step of the AA program.

I had to identify the resentment, see my part in it and let it go. Once I was able to that, the racing stopped. The blaming stopped. The anger over the resentments stopped.

In some cases just holding on to the resentment was my part. I was the one keeping it alive and fueling the anger I felt. The other person, if there was one, had forgotten about it long ago.

Adnamaeel

Writing things down and then burning the paper helps me let go of things.

Soberella66

Writing and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is good for this type of stuff, so is doing karate kicks in the air! Ok just kidding on the last one.

LBrain

HI Dreaming Dog, it's obvious you are not a 12 stepper...

btw, thank you for the minute of laughter I got from the 'Cat Norris' poster. priceless!

in line with what the verte says, pick up the book, "Full Catastrophe Living" by Jon Kabat-Zinn - it is the written form of the mindfullness classes they gave at the umass center. It takes you through the entire process. Reminds me I forgot to order the CD's...

Anna

This is a Sticky posted by MorningGlory, the Administrator here and it has helped me a lot:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...anagement.html

LBrain

thanks Anna - 1949????? I immediately sat up straight in my chair. Then I read on.

Wastinglife

I also have trouble with persistent rumination, especially at night. I constantly play back memories in head which were particularly negative for me. Some of these memories go back as far as 20 years yet they still seem clear as day in my head. I recently started seeing a therapist for the first time in my life and she has been working on 'mindfulness' with me. Now, I recognize and challenge my thoughts. I mean, it is so silly to dwell on a moment 5 years ago that absolutely no one else remembers or even acknowledged at the time it happened.

It's hard, I know. But at the same time it's ridiculous to let our minds be hijacked by useless ruminating.

Dee74

Hi DreamingDog

I spent a lot of time living in the past - not only going over what others did to me, but what I did wrong to others.

I had to accept that I couldn't change a second of what happened yesterday let alone 10, 20, even 30 years ago.

I had to learn to forgive not only others but myself.

With respect to others, forgiveness doesn't mean that what someone did was ok, or that everything is fine now and we're all best buddies...

it simply means I take my hands from around their neck, so I can move on.

I was still smarting from wounds inflecting in the 70s...I decided it was time to heal.

Counselling helped, so did service work for me - I needed to get out of my own head - I'd been there a long time

D