huntingtontx

Healthfirst, you have a great start. I wish you well on this journey and we are all here for you.

ScottFromWI

There are a lot of different ways to get sober. AA or NA is definitely one option and it's one of the more common ones. Some people seek medical/counseling help first too if they think withdrawals will be bad, some even seek detox or inpatient/outpatient rehab. Then you have several more self-paced,secular methods like AVRT/Smart/Life Ring. Some have face to face meetings and some are completely online/self paced. Just about each of them have separate subforums here too so you can read a lot about them.

My advice would be to try as many as you can, you will most likely find one or multiple that work. Check your shame/embarrasment at the door though because everyeone is there for the exact same reason you are. So they know exactly what you are going through and were in the same place as you at one point.

Coldfusion

My wife and I quit by going to AA meetings, ninety meetings in ninety days. (I started with a week of in-patient detox). We are still sober and still married a year and a half later.

We all feel ashamed about our first meeting--AA is the world's most popular club that nobody wants to join.

HealthFirst

I'm headed to have lunch with my wife now and I will have the discussion with her. I'm suddenly so sad to give up drinking now that's it becoming real. I feel like once I have this talk, I am really done because I don't want to look like a failure to her again (by saying I quit and then starting to drink later). Scared.

Verte

Been there, done that. Been there, done that, been there, done that...as the bad country ballad goes.

I'm Day6. One day at a time for me. The commitment to sobriety daily is the goal. More than that for me right now is somewhere my brain cannot go at the moment. Labels offer me nothing right now...and definitely will not make this easier.

I keep in mind that I am the most important role model in the world, forever, for my girls. If they were struggling like I am I would offer support and utter compassion one day at a time.

Best of luck and strength to you.

freshstart57

Good question, HealthFirst. In fact, most people quit without any formal recovery program, and this includes AA. I quit without AA, but at the beginning, I said I would take all the help I could get and went to a few meetings and read a big book. I met some very kind and generous people there, but I decided AA was not for me. However, going to AA meetings brought home to me the fact I had decided to quit drinking, and I recommend it.

ScottFromWI

Remember what you are really giving up...hangovers, acting like a fool, shame, etc.

In reality you are saying hello to a new amazing life. Imagine being able to do whatever you want, whenever you want and not have the ball an chain of alcohol holding you back.

Berrybean

I did it alone for the first 3 weeks and felt incredibly lonely. Noone seemed to understand why I was not drinking (because I didn't want to tell them and still don't - shame!!!!), and they just thought I was doing really well because I'd stuck to it.

When you quit, all those emotions you've managed to ignore for years start tumbling round in your head and it's very confusing. That's when I decided I needed support from others who had been in my shoes and got through it.
I walked past so many meetings that I'd intended to go to. Eventually I managed to get in the door.

Do you know anything about the meetings (what to expect)? I really do think it would help to go along.

I told my partner after I'd been to a couple. I also have told a couple of trusted friends who have a history of alcoholism in their families. I also told my boss so that if anyone ever saw me going or met me there and told her, she'd have heard it from me first (this was something I was worried about personally, I don't think many people tend to do that).

You aren't letting anyone down by dealing with the problem. You would be letting them (and yourself) down if you ignore it and let it continue. Esp if you have children to think of.

Well done for starting to deal with it

ru12

You know, you don't have to make a speech to stop drinking. I stopped drinking by... not drinking. When offered a drink I say "No thanks". That's it. I don't give a reason and most people don't ask for one. If they persist I'll ask of a Coke.

HealthFirst

I had a talk with my wife and she was so supportive. She said that she's very proud. I asked that she never let me have "just one anything, including beer" and not judge me if I slip up, but rather help me start over. I said that I may look into groups so that I don't feel alone and have a support system in place, beside her. She said my decision motivates her to become better in all areas including drinking less, but I insisted that she does not change anything that she likes just for me - but to do anything she does for herself. So far, so good. She also shared some examples of when she orders a non-alcoholic drink despite the whole table having drinks and doesn't feel so out of place after the first time.

This feeling of wanting to quit comes after a binge yesterday that resulted in cocaine use after. So I'm feeling down, but motivated today. I hope that once this guilt wears off, I don't get back to my old ways - but instead remember how crappy I felt today and all of the other times. That is some of the reason why I'm documenting everything here.

Thank you all for your support.

Verte

You may be having a lousy day, but you have with one thread totally made my day.

Warms my heart.

Welcome to the forum. One day at a time. Keep your eye on the prize! You are winning.

HealthFirst

Thank you. That means a lot to me.

Dee74

Welcome HealthFirst

so glad to hear you spoke with your wife and it went well

Like others have said there's a variety of approaches ranging from posting here, to rehab.

here's some links to some of the main recovery players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

AA is probably the most accessible recovery group in terms of number of meetings and ubiquity.

If there's a stigma to joining these groups I think I'd prefer that to the stigma of being the neighbourhood drunk, y'know?

D

christyham

Hey there Healthfirst this whole thread has made my day. I like you do not crave alcohol at all. I don't drink at home ever and don't go out often and quite frankly I don't even like the taste of it but when I do go out I just keep drinking to black out stage. I have posted on this site a few times over the years when this has happened.I always thought I can handle this Il just be careful and drink responsibly from now on but it hasn't happened yet. I had not had a drink since Christmas but had agreed last year to go on a stag party to Magaluf last week and decided I could go and Il drink responsibly. did this happen? no way carried home the first night and drunk the whole time I was away. The guys I was with thought this was great fun and loved telling me how bad a mess I was in. But they honestly had no clue of the mental torture I was in on way home. Depressed, anxious, regretful and lots more. My wife has seen how I go on and she honestly trusted me this time to behave and not end up legless and I feel like there is a hole inside me because I have let her down. She doesn't know the mess I was in and to be honest I don't want her to know.
She can drink a few drinks and knows when to stop and she cant understand that I cant discipline mself to do this. I thought I could but I can its like something clicks in my brain after I have say 4 or 5 drinks that I want to drink as hard and as fast as I can and this just ends up in black outs etc.
This time I am telling myself that is it for good but I know its going to be hard its the whole social thing when I am with family and even my wife.
I am so scared to tell her all this as I have told her before that I will not get in some of the states she has seen me but just let her down. We have a wonderful marriage and she is my best friend but I don't know how to talk to her about this.

phoebe64

I took the tact of saying I was trying to change my health for the better. This is the truth. So, I just say, "No thanks, I am good." I lost a significant amount of weight, so I do get support outside of the home on that front. people see the change and if I say no, there is no pressure. I think you will find that others do not care or focus on it as much as we think they will. Though, I do see posts about people in crowds where they do get pressured to drink. While it is often all around me, I cannot recall actually being pressured to drink.

nmd

glad you talked to your wife and it went so well, very inspirational :-)

phoebe64

I posted above before reading everything. So glad that your wife was so responsive and supportive. It is a real gift on this journey. I wish I had that at home! So hopeful for you!

HealthFirst

Thank you for the support, everybody. I have love for each of you. I built up the courage to go to an AA meeting last night. I was surprised to see everybody was "normal". For some odd reason, I'd pictured a bunch of disheveled folks whom I didn't see myself being associated with. Instead, I found people of all ages and walks of life, many young professionals, sharing stories like mine. Pretty powerful. Thank you all for being part of my journey. I am blessed.

Coldfusion

I hope you keep going to meetings.

I quit drinking, then started going to meetings (my first meeting was at detox), and joined SoberRecovery a month later when I had questions about the AA program.

I find it helpful to my own recovery if I post here about how AA has helped me. Possibly I could attract another to the program, but it also reaffirms sobriety to myself.