quitting without the active support of your SO
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Western New York
Posts: 2,444
Originally Posted by littlefish 
I think for a lot of us, at least for me, recovery is an inside job. It's my thing. I share my thoughts and feelings about my recovery at meetings. If it is more personal, I talk to a friend in recovery. I had an addictions therapist for a long time and an aa sponsor.
I didn't ever really draw my husband into the whole process of recovery, like mentioning if I had a rough moment wanting a drink. In the beginning I mentioned an exit plan for parties and showed a disinterest in going to heavy drinking events. But he generally hasn't really gone on the journey with me step by step. Maybe I felt like I put him through the mix master and back again with my drinking, he didn't need the grief of holding my hand through recovery. But, thats just me.
What kind of expectations nmd do you have in the area of partner support?
I didn't ever really draw my husband into the whole process of recovery, like mentioning if I had a rough moment wanting a drink. In the beginning I mentioned an exit plan for parties and showed a disinterest in going to heavy drinking events. But he generally hasn't really gone on the journey with me step by step. Maybe I felt like I put him through the mix master and back again with my drinking, he didn't need the grief of holding my hand through recovery. But, thats just me.
What kind of expectations nmd do you have in the area of partner support?
Wu Wei
Join Date: May 2014
Location: So. California, USA
Posts: 351
I get the inside job concept and agree with it. My sobriety is my bag not my wife's. In fact my sponsors have told me to beware of treating my wife like a sponsor. She's not to be related too in that way. She has a different roll than another person in recovery. Fine, but what to do when the majority of the time she is drinking and smells like booze.
I am working on my side of the street but it is still hard when the person closet to you is a drinker.
I am working on my side of the street but it is still hard when the person closet to you is a drinker.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by nmd
Basically, acceptance that i cant be a social drinker, and move on.from there.
The thing is, I see that I have the choice of staying the same as him or getting well - physically and mentally. I realised that I wanted to change before, and now I've seen that constant reminder of what I'm coming away from while I've been sober and watched and listened to him drunk, I KNOW its the right thing to do.
At first I thought it means that we're spending less time together. But now I've listened to him while he's drunk, and realised that's not 'him' I'm spending time with, any more than I was really myself when I was drunk. We might have been in the same room but we were def not together. And there has been a very pleasant lack of screaming matches since I stopped. Admittedly, I've had to walk away from a few unreasonable 'discussions' BEFORE they turned to screaming matches, but that's okay. At least I could see where it was going and avert it. The next day he can't remember any conversations anyway - even the ones he had ten times lol.
It has been really good to get away to a meeting and get grounded again when surrounded by the insanity though.
As you're going to have temptation sitting in your cupboards all the time, I'd recommend the book 'Monkey on my shoulder' - I got it on my Kindle, and helped me recognise the voice of my addiction for what it was, so I can tell it to get stuffed when it tried to lure me back to the booze. It was very helpful for me...
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Monkey-my-sh...mm_kin_title_0
The paperback is much more expensive - if you don't have a Kindle you can download Cloud Reader for free and read it off that on your computer.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
