Linza

I know I sound very naïve but really I am normally not and a very practical, realistic grown up. I met my "friend" 6 years ago and did not know he was an alcoholic or "separated." I fell in love before he fessed up his history. I also grew close to his family, and many blanks were filled in. I watched a grown man with so much "potential" relapse and relapse with alcohol, pot and vicodan (old football injures). He was in rehab three times that I knew him. At this point, his parents and I have finally let him go. He has just embarked on 5th "geographic cure" landing back with his also alcoholic former partner. She doesn't mind if he drinks. I think he has let me go this time (probably a favor) and I need to let him go. No more I love You Baby calls. He is a tall, handsome, well-liked man who has been abusing alcohol and pot since college, lost so many great jobs, relapsed, and been in many rehabs (including McCleans). He is close to 50, just hit his former home and I understand from Mom he has relapsed again. I am working on letting go. So my dumb question is: any hope for someone who has relapsed this many times and for this many years. I know he does not really want to be this way, and I do buy into the alcoholism as a disease theory. And yes, he does admit he is an addict. He was active in NA and AA and had sponsors, blah, blah. Then fell off the wagon about every 3 months. If we all let him fall on his face???? If no one rescues him??? I am in no contact mode right now and trying to move on, but of course I would love it if he turned his life around. Fat chance??? Comments please.

Amazingglazier

Welcome to SR Linza! Sorry about your situation. I don't know if anyone can help you decide to let go? That is your call, but if he is entrenched with a former alcoholic girlfriend are you going to step in to save them both? How much pain can you endure before it ruins you? Stay Strong and Well ! Bobby

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Linza!!

There's always hope, my personal story has a 1yr period of continual relapse, how I finally made it was moving from I NEED to be Sober to I really WANT to be Sober, and I wanted to do it for myself.

That's the problem though, as no one can make the decision for him, he has to want it himself, reach out for support himself and truly make the changes in his life to achieve it.

You'll find loads of people here that have relapsed many times, and I guess even when the chips are down, there's always a chance to turn things around!!

MIRecovery

He may get better he may not and only he can decide that. Unfortunately you are likely to wait a lifetime for something that is unlikely.

least

I think it's best to let him find his "bottom". If he never feels any pain from his addictions he's not likely to want to stop.


Welcome to the SR family.

Linza

Any insight as to how you arrived at this decision? Did your family/friends make any difference by support or pulling away?

jaynie04

Linza, I would definitely recommend checking out the Friends & Family forum here, I think you will find a lot of people who have shared similar experiences.

They often talk about the 3C's…you didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it. Unfortunately an alcoholic usually figures it out when the pain of using becomes greater than the allure of alcohol. We all come to that place at different points.

It is difficult, and he may not recover, but if you preserve your sanity at least the disease won't destroy 2 of you.

I am happy you found your way here.

EternalNow

"Unfortunately an alcoholic usually figures it out when the pain of using becomes greater than the allure of alcohol. We all come to that place at different points."

So true Jaynie04

This is very true to my experience. I have been given the clarity to see that alcohol will not give me what I am looking for.