DocSobrietist

I feel like I'll never be an equal partner in this family, I'll always be one-down due to my addiction history. 11 months sober and it never feels like enough.

Anyone else feel this way?

-DrS

biminiblue

That's in your head, doc.

Choices have consequences. You can't unring a bell.

biminiblue

I thought the missus had addiction too? Is that what you're talking about? Comparing yourself to your wife?

DocSobrietist

She does. But the comparison thing doesn't even come close in my head. I don't even try - I'm just way worse than she ever has been - or, at least, that's what I think.

-DrS

soberlicious

No.

Having had an addiction may put a temporary dent in the self esteem, but the other side of the coin is that ending your addiction is a self-esteem booster.

Perspective.

Anna

I agree that addiction definitely causes havoc with self-esteem.

However, you've been sober for 11 months and that is something that you should be very proud of.

Nuudawn

Well I suppose if we feel the need to "rank" ourselves in this life as to what makes us worthwhile or valuable in this world, we could all end up falling short depending on the criteria or the person we feel we are competing against. We are all human, flawed creatures in this business of living.

I think Judge Judy is just downright mean and disrespectful sometimes... but hey, she gets paid $900,000 per workday (of the 50 she works per year)...so who am I to judge? See what I did there?

This isn't a competition Doc. Perhaps you're spending too much time thinking about yourself. That's where we get into trouble : )

Gottalife

My self esteem was about floor level when I came into AA. It probably needed to be there in order for me to be willing to do what it takes to recover. And it probably came from a lifetime of alcoholic behaviour and thinking, constantly betraying my own values.

My first few weeks I was subject to frequent down spots which I later learned were due to my alcoholic behaviour continuing even though I had stopped drinking. My actions seemed to create how I felt. When my actions changed, I began to feel better. The trouble was I couldn't see this cause and effect until I had worked the steps.

The steps removed the blockages between me and my higher power. The issues I had to deal with were my behaviour and attitudes, the memories that I hoped would never see the light of day, and the people I had hurt who I hoped I would never have to face.

These things were all remedied through the steps and by 90 days I was well into step nine. At that point, not only did the desire to drink leave and never come back, but in terms of self esteem I was convinced my life was on the right track, and I had found ways to be useful to others which really gave me a sense of purpose. I had naturally, without any real effort on my part, began acting differently.

Relations with my family were slower to improve, but that is always the case. I have learned that it is unwise to expect too much of them. The road to resentment is paved with expectations. But come round they did, and I have a wonderful family relationship these days.

Notmyrealname

You got things turned around and have kept them on track for eleven months. That's really awesome. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're doing great things!

I am not proud of my drunken years but I'm trying hard to follow them up with things I can be proud of, and hopefully the good will eclipse the bad, in time. Maybe that is a good way to look at it?

I don't have that issue to deal with because my woman left me. Simple solutions for complex problems!