Knat84

So, I know that everyone has a bad day. Well, my husband is having a doozy of day. I called him to talk to him about going to his parents to pick up some extra chairs for our daughter's two year birthday party Saturday, and he just flipping snapped. I mean, dropping the F bomb more than 10 times (NOT like him) saying how he hated every body, he hates my family, he doesn't want to have an F'ing birthday where everyone comes to our house...I mean, he went nuts. He was saying that he was sick of people asking him to do things. At work. At home. Friends asking for favors. ...etc. I really DO NOT know where this came from, as he hasn't stated this before. I mean, he's made little remarks here and there...but, dear freaking Lord.
I posted a thread on here the other day stating how I am concerned about my husband's nightly drinking. He drinks anywhere from 3-6 beers a night. Acts normal, happy, like a happy camper when on the sauce.
I honestly honestly think that he is not a happy person unless he is drinking. For one thing, he is having insomnia. (I know that could be because of the drinking.) He does not seem to be interested in playing with our little girl, unless he has a beer in his hand. I went in there once when he was with her and not drinking, and he was just staring into space in the corner. O.O - I just...ugh...

He is such a good guy. Honest guy. But, I'm starting to think that alcohol could be a contributor to his stress. (Don't get me wrong, I know it's not the full contributor, but, would you really feel good the next day if you were going to bed at midnight, waking up periodically throughout the night, having to wake up at 7 after having drowned 6 high alcohol content beers the night before? Doubt it.)

Please guys, just talk to me here... Give me your piece of mind.

Thanks, guys.

Knat84

I should also mention that he handled stress a lot better when he was not drinking as much. It's like the day sucks butt for him, but, the nights are a completely different story. Happy guy, happy Dad, just as long as there is a cool craft beer waiting for him.

RazaR

I can't entirely say that I relate to the situation. I know someone will have some decent input for you.

I would start with a calm situation and try to gently ask if he's ok. Talk about the stresses and see if anything can be done to alleviate them. I don't know, but with the way you put it maybe there is something bigger bothering him that you're not aware of... or maybe it's just a bad day.

LBrain

Unfortunately I can relate to your last () statement. I did it for years except I had to get up before 5. I was content as a sleeping baby as long as I always had a cold one in my hand. Aand... I didn't feel bad at all the next day. My body had years of training.

Verte

Preface: My kids are the sun, moon, and stars in my world. Please do not get me wrong.

Personally, however, I do not think that 2-year olds are that much fun (cute, adorable, pleasant) and, even worse they stay that way for a while. I have been around a lot of 2-year olds and I know I feel this way and do not feel the need to pretend otherwise. So it is no big deal for me.

Seriously, the world is their oyster and everything in the world revolves around them...a bit like teeny ultra-successful social parasites.

My husband was totally shocked to realize that he did not really appreciate 'the toddler' years. It can be an insanely stressful, demanding, exhausting, totally unrewarding, pitiable, ultra-fatiguing place to be as a person, parent, spouse.

He needed a lot of 'alone time' during this time and often times felt the need to constantly comment on the 'shocking' self-absorption of the toddler. I needed wine at the time just to sit and listen to him work through his emotions (that is not working out for me though).

When we could swing it, I would have babysitters step in and help out during stressful times (especially to help me out)...just to get out of that reality for a bit.

Hope this offers a perspective. Take care!

Ruby2

I am sorry that your husband went nuts on the phone. Was he sober when this happened? Was it toward the end of the day when he would be looking to come home and start drinking? If this is out of character for him I can imagine you were standing there staring at the phone open mouthed thinking "WHAT?!" Obviously something is bothering him but it may not be related to the drinking. He may be coping with what is bothering him with the drinking though. My husband used to do stuff like that and it was related to his drinking but he is also an addict so there was a whole other dimension.

Birthday party planning is stressful. Strangely, my husband had an episode on our son's 2nd birthday. Hurt himself before the party before the guests got there and went to the ER. Never showed up for the party. Found out he left the ER and got hammered, rolled in at 3:00 a.m. He has social anxiety and I think he just couldn't handle the thought of the people and stress. Rather than talk about it he ditched us.

I'd say talk to him about this when he hasn't been drinking. If you are looking for other support and information I'd say check out the Family and Friends of Alcoholics section here on SR.

Knat84

Oh my gah. O.O

Well, this was about 4 hours before he was to get off of work. Yes, he was totally sober. He does not drink until he gets home. Doesn't stop until he goes to bed. (There's always a beer usually on his night-stand.)
The thing is, my husband ISN'T even helping with the party! I'm doing practically every thing. He just lashed out at me saying that he doesn't understand why a two year old has to have a freaking birthday party; as she is not going to remember it. O.O
I am pretty sure my husband has social anxiety as well. He did this last year before her 1st birthday. And you know something? His parents have some social anxiety issues. They are both on medication for anxiety, depression, you name it. They don't like to go to anyone's houses. lol. They go to church every Sunday but they don't talk to anyone! They are also driving me a little crazy before this party. I don't know what the freaking issue is with him, his family and parties. His brother is the same way. I used to think my husband was the not so 'anxious' one of the bunch, but, the older he gets, the more he is consuming...so, I don't know. ??? Ugh. So confused. Feel like I am failing in some way.

firstymer

Knat84, I was that guy that you are married to. Unhappy, unpleasant and stressed whenever I was sober. Relatively numb and friendly when my problems had been pushed to the back of my head by alcohol. Unfortunately, it eventually took more and more alcohol to do the trick. And the after-effects of the alcohol made me more and more unhappy, unpleasant and stressed when I wasn't drunk.

Understand that it is not your fault. He is the one dropping the F bombs, not you. You are the bystander. He is the actor. You can tell him how his actions and his words make you feel. But don't expect much from him until the light comes on and he realizes the connection between his drinking and his behavior.

Good luck. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Amazingglazier

You are not failing Knat, I was like that too. Whenever my So had something for the grandkids or anything I would pick a fight , so I could either go out and get blasted , or stay and be a jerk. Not sure but I think whatever is bothering him at work is being just another thing to justify his drinking every night 3-6 beers, it will escalate. I was about 15-20 or more and shots of JD when I stopped. He needs to stop before he ends up in a big mess! Stay Strong and Well ! Bobby

Rar

Parts of this are my husband too. Fortunately now since I've quit drinking, he is drinking less. I don't believe he is an alcoholic in the sense that he seems to be able to control his drinking. However, he is happy and pleasant (nicer to me) when he has had a couple of beers. If he is not drinking, he is sullen, ill tempered and moody. I understand how you feel. You are probably a nervous wreck wondering what kind of mood your husband will be in. You are not failing in any way. I don't have any advice because I am living with a moody person also and find myself on pins and needles. Stay strong and feel free to vent as often as you need to.

Dee74

Hi Knat

I don't think any of us can really pinpoint what might be doing on with your husband - it might be alcohol related in some way....or he might be having a bad day - he may have generalised social anxiety as you mentioned too.

the important thing is - other peoples moods are not your fault

D