MCAL880

Hello. I'm terrible at introductions. I am a wife, almost thirty, a mother to two precious children. I'm well educated, chose to go the "stay at home mom" route in order to help my children grow intellectually and spiritually.

I feel like I am failing everyone, and putting on a facade to my friends and family that I've got it all together.

I teeter dangerously close to the edge of alcoholism, and for all I know, I'm already there. I don't feel the need to drink all day, every day. Truth be told, I don't feel the need to drink in the morning, mid day, early afternoon.

But once the husband gets home, I start to get that urge, that pull, that craving to just pop a top or a cork.

I can finish an entire bottle of wine within a hour, I can down a whole six pack like it's water.

Every morning when this happens, I regret it. So so much. It keeps me from being the wife and mother I long to be. I readily admit, I strive to be a "June Cleaver" type. Homemade cookies, laundry always done, the house spotless, the children clean, well dressed, and always engaged in activities. But I'm losing my grip on things. Lately, I find that I can drink more and more, binge drinking at least two times a week, sometimes more. Never when I am alone with my babies, and I would never get behind the wheel of a car while drunk. But once my husband is home, I feel like it's a free pass. I'm starting to crave it more often, on a daily basis. Which is just not fair to my husband. He's active duty military. he works hard to provide for us. I just feel as though I am falling into a terrible stereotype of drunken military wife who contributes nothing (please don't attack me, it's a stereotype).

I'm sorry, this is rambling, all over the place. I thought that I would be able to control my drinking. One or two glasses of wine or beer at the most. But after last night's binge, it is becoming more apparent to me that I simply cannot drink. Ever. Whats the point of staying home with my babies if I am nursing a hangover several times a week? If there are any other moms out there who can relate, I really could use a friend to help me get through this.

If you got this far, thank you for reading.

Nonsensical

Welcome to Sober Recovery.

Lots of support and information available here.

Whats your plan?

Treerat66

Hi MCAL880, welcome to SR

MCAL880

Thanks for the welcome. To be honest, I'm not sure I even have a plan yet. But I think that's where I failed in the past. No plan. I try to run on a daily basis, so that I'm so exhausted by the end of the day that I don't even think about drinking. But that's obviously not working at this point.

Received

Welcome.

I'm glad you got all that out of your head and into a post here at SR. I know it really helped me to unload the night I joined here.

You titled this thread "I've tried this before..." so that would lead me to believe you know you've crossed that line into addiction. Do you have a plan in place for quitting?(eta: notice posts crossed and already answered).

least

Welcome to the family. Quitting drinking is hard but not impossible. You'll find a lot of support here.

ScottFromWI

Welcome MCAL. SR is a great place to learn about all the different ways that one can get sober - AA, all the secular/self paced methods, - they all have their own sub-forums here too so you can learn about each and every one of them. Some ( me included ) use SR itself as their primary source of support/sobriety plan.

Most of us understand how exahausting the cycle of drinking is, and you can certainly get out if it if that is your goal. Regardless of what your recovery plan might end up being, I personally think the first step is accepting that you cannot drink - ever. For some that means going to AA and admitting that you are an alcoholic. To others it means seeking counseling on the matter. But for the the bottom line was that I had to unconditionally admit TO MYSELF that i cannot drink - ever and that moderation is never going to be possible. Once you can accept that, you can move on with a plan to stay that way. I hope you can find it here!

MCAL880

Thank you every one for the warm welcome

I know, deep down I really know, that I am addicted. I know that I don't have to drink on a daily basis to be considered an "alcoholic," but still, some times I've tried to justify my drinking by saying to myself that this isn't an every day thing.

But I know that once I start, it's damn near impossible to stop.

My binge drinking started in college, only escalated once I graduated and moved across the country. I thought that now that we are stationed near family that I would be able to stop. I thought wrong. I did manage to abstain when I was pregnant, I never had an issue getting sober for my babies. But within a couple of months of having my youngest, I fell right back into a binge drinking pattern.

I'm going to try to talk to my husband tonight. He already knows that I have a problem with alcohol. I just think that he tends to push it to the back of his mind. Afterall, what husband would want to think that he is married to an alcoholic?

I'm really lost. Coping mechanisms, a plan. I don't even know where to start. Are there any good resources out there to help me with this?

ScottFromWI

You already started by posting here and asking questions actually - so good job! Start small - make a plan to just not drink today for example. The first few days/weeks will be uncomfortable, but that will soon pass. Reading here about others experiences and sharing your own can be very beneficial.

If you think you could use some more local support and accountabilty, you could try AA/NA or any other group-style meetings too.

doggonecarl

While you here, while the committment to quit is still burning bright, take action, because your addiction will work hard to convince you that you don't have a problem, or that you can moderate, or that you deserve to drink.

You are having a rational moment against the insanity of alcohol.

Write down the reasons for quitting and your committment to quit FOR GOOD. That's so you can refer to it when your mind (your addictive voice) starts working against you. Dump your alcohol. Research recovery methods and find one that appeals to you, then work it!

And stick close to SR.

There is no technique that is going to make the obsessive thoughts about drinking go away, no techniques for making quitting easy. It's just you, saying no to that first drink.

Nonsensical

That's a difficult conversation to be sure, but better to have THAT conversation now than to wait and have the conversation I forced my wife to initiate - fix it or get out.

Fix it now. It gets worse.

You can do this.

HonestlyTrying

OMG I can so relate to how you feel here. I had so many expectations on myself and could never quite feel like I was measuring up. Nothing anyone said ever made me feel like I was doing ok. Something was missing and I was drinking to get rid of that feeling that I wasn't "good enough"

I did exactly the same thing but I started drinking the minute I got home from work where I pretended everything was great and did everything perfect and went above and beyond and kind of had a SUPER ME title at work.

Get home and I was someone else. Drank til I passed out early and got up and did it all over again, day after day for months.

Tried to get control back of my drinking. Told myself I wouldn't drink today. Made solemn promises to myself I wouldn't. Minutes later I was cracking a beer.

Got some pills from a doc to help me curtail my drinking. I was SUPER ME. How come this was so hard to do? I felt ashamed that I couldn't do this. I was afraid to tell ANYONE what I was going through, after all, I was SUPER ME!

I called up an outpatient treatment center and checked myself in. I stopped trying to be SUPER ME and admitted I needed help. Best damn thing I have ever done for myself. I ain't perfect. I don't have to be. Boy do I feel free...Sober date Sept 4 2012. Still going strong!!

LBrain

Hi and welcome. Others have offered good advice. I'd just like to add this: If your husband already thinks you may have a problem, it's probably on his mind. You coming to him and telling him you are concerned about yourself and think you should do something about may be a very huge burden lifted from him. Perhaps he doesn't want to confront you - I don't know. But wouldn't you rather put in on the table than let him do it? It sounds like you are in a good relationship. You talking about it first should strengthen your bond.

I'm glad you came here for support MCAL, welcome.

bloss

Welcome and so Glad you joined us at SR, listen to your feelings, find what method works best for yourself and don't take the first drink, no matter what.

I was a stay at home mom many years ago and your experience sounds similar to mine. No drinking during pregnancies and not a daily or even necessarily weekly drinker, but after that first drink, I did not stop until I was wasted drunk, or passed out. It took years of trying, stopping on and off, then trying again. Same result over and over, I always ended up drunk and doing things I regretted. Pay attention to your feelings, don't keep trying over and over again to drink like someone who doesn't have an issue with alcohol. I wasted many years, you don't have to,

Don't drink today and then choose not to drink daily for yourself and those you love.
Take care
Bloss

Holli

You know, you are a military wife with young kids. Things are hard for you (despite your June Cleaver proclamations) and you are drinking. I am willing to bet that you sacrificed your own career to be military wife, and the reason that you don't work is not so that your children can "grow intellectually and spiritually" but that with today's economy, finding real work in revolving home bases is hard! Get honest with your husband and your family support system, get sober, and pursue a career. I am surrounded by alcoholic military wives and husbands, and it isn't pretty.

Holli

Deleting my post, I love my military neighbors but I think there are issues they S a community need to address.

littlefish

Alcohol is a progressive disease, and I saw how it progressed with me from drinking in the evenings to drinking in the afternoons to the final stage of starting in the mornings and being an every day, all day drinker. I didn't drink around my kids when they were small, (waited until after they were in bed), but when they became teens and no longer needed the soccer- mom-shuttle- and snack service, the wheels kind of fell off right about then.

I honestly think it was more dangerous for me to be a"stay at home" drinker than it would have been in another situation. The hiding of the alcohol probably made it easier for me to drink more. I guess I would think: I better take a really big gulp in case I can't sneak another drink until later...
And I was thrifty, thinking how I was saving money by buying bottles of wine instead of having to pay for the glass at a bar....
The comfort of knowing that I wasn't going to have to drive anywhere had me taking a lot of extra drinks. And, I loved cooking: I would place that single glass of wine on the counter to make it look like I was having a gourmet meal experience with one glass, while the hidden bottle was stashed away under the bathroom sink or hidden in one of my boots in the bedroom closet, for my "real" drinking.

And, when I read about the experience of other moms on SR, wow, I thought I was reading my own story!!
I finally couldn't take it anymore and started going to an outpatient addictions center, then I started AA. It has been a long journey to recovery, but the best journey of my life. Alcohol was after all the biggest problem in my life.
I would suggest a program of recovery if you are a person who likes structure and support. There are alternatives to AA, such as RR.

My only regret is not doing it sooner. My kids grew up with a distracted, discontent mom while they were small as the disease slowly progressed, and when the disease reached chronic stage, I was missing from their lives for 5 years, lost in an alcohol fog. I was there, physically, but a million miles away mentally.

I think you have made a great decision to come here and post, and think about your problem. Welcome!

ForMeForThem

Welcome MCAL880. I can relate to your story, I got a bit choked up reading it. I'm a mom of 3 boys and stayed at home for many years before returning to my career after they went to school. My drinking started very much like yours but it progressed to a point where I was drinking at times and in ways I never thought I would and I became a person I never thought I'd be. I wish I was able to stop the cycle sooner, I'm glad you're here!

FreeOwl

whether 'alcoholic' or not seems to matter less right now than what you said here;

" when this happens, I regret it. So so much. It keeps me from being the wife and mother I long to be."

It strikes me, as a Daddy and as a human being, that statement is a powerful acknowledgement of your relationship with alcohol - regardless what name you give it.

Welcome. I understand and have so totally been there.

I wish you the strength, conviction and self-honesty to walk through the door you have opened.

You don't have to stay on this merry-go-round