Welcome to Sober Recovery - Please check your egos at the door.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
Posts: 2,441
Originally Posted by Robert777 
I really am confused how some of us need AA to get sober while others can just use a website. Maybe there is just many heavy drinkers on this site vs real alcoholics.
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
What somewhat concerns me among other things, that it's not as simple as that to tell, where's our "Ego" speaks, and where's our Self.
I remember as a newcomer I had quite a generalized and oversimplified idea of Ego. Later on , doing meditation and, reading on the subject, and learning about this I was quite surprised that what I considered to by my "Ego" turned out to be more Self. And vice versa.
My point here - Ego is no a cell phone to switch off. And what if "checking our Ego" we, by mistake, we'll check part of our Self?
I remember as a newcomer I had quite a generalized and oversimplified idea of Ego. Later on , doing meditation and, reading on the subject, and learning about this I was quite surprised that what I considered to by my "Ego" turned out to be more Self. And vice versa.
My point here - Ego is no a cell phone to switch off. And what if "checking our Ego" we, by mistake, we'll check part of our Self?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: SE Arizona
Posts: 1,099
Originally Posted by soberlicious
It's 2014. I can't believe people still use the term "real alcoholic".
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Numerous posts have been removed.
The Newcomers Forum is a safe and welcoming place for newcomers. Respect is essential. Debates over Recovery Methods are not allowed on the Newcomer's Forum. Posts that violate this rule will be removed without notice. (Support and experience only please.)
The Newcomers Forum is a safe and welcoming place for newcomers. Respect is essential. Debates over Recovery Methods are not allowed on the Newcomer's Forum. Posts that violate this rule will be removed without notice. (Support and experience only please.)
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by Holli
I think the original comment about keeping our egos in check is always good advice, regardless of what recovery method we chose, and I do enjoy reading about and exploring the diversity of approaches on SR. :-)
It is also important that I don't become too arrogant in my recovery either.
There are many different journeys one can take to sobriety. It's personal for each and everyone of us.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 373
Originally Posted by LadyinBC
I agree. I know for me my ego dictated to me a lot. Me an alcoholic? Oh my god my ego didn't want to accept that. Me not able to control my drinking? My ego did not want to accept that one either.
It is also important that I don't become too arrogant in my recovery either.
There are many different journeys one can take to sobriety. It's personal for each and everyone of us.
It is also important that I don't become too arrogant in my recovery either.
There are many different journeys one can take to sobriety. It's personal for each and everyone of us.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
I think it is interesting how threads that involve ego get really passionate. I am guilty of feeling passionate about my experience and looking for factual basis to support it. But I am finding that I am softening my stance the longer I stay sober. I am hoping that that is a good thing.
I don't believe there is a universal cause for our alcoholism. I think we may all arrive at the same threshold but the paths we took to get there, the underlying physiology, particular genetics, socio/economics factors, etc, etc. will never match up from person to person.
It is like we are all handed skeins of yarn at birth,similar but not identical, and we each spend years weaving a carpet. My carpet might be loosely woven with a symmetrical graphic design, while yours is tightly woven in an organic free flowing pattern. My texture might vary, with erratic pile while your texture belies an even hand. We started out with similar resources but ended up with very different results. Still a carpet but the variations are vast.
Recovery requires each of us to unroll our carpets and looking at the sum of the individual threads we have woven together. Being sober requires us to look over our own field, patterns, borders, fringe, etc, and unravel places that don't fit the design as we had intended. My carpet is going to unravel differently than anyone else's. I will be knotted in unique places, have thin spots in areas, I might be a polyester cut loop, yours a silk and wool shag, my edges will never match up to anyone else's. So it doesn't serve me to tell anyone else how to unravel their carpet because the knots, and irregularities, and worn spots aren't mine, we all have individual textures and weight (hmmm, Freudian?) I might ask my neighbor for help or how the undid a particular tangled area that resembles mine, but the choices I made to weave the carpet are mine alone. Likewise attending to areas that need to be reconstructed are also going to be a personal task.
We each present with so many different aspects to who we are that none of us will ever wholly have the same experience as anyone else. My guess is that no one in AA absorbs the program the exact same way. Each member will glean different bits or chunks according to what they need and put them together in a unique way. Every external experience is always internalized on a very personal level. But that is the only way any recovery method works, owning it and making it personal make it precious to us.
I believe that we are all terminally unique, and I believe that that is a strength and an asset that we need to possess for a strong, healthy ego. If I had to identify the most important aspect of recovery for me, that is pivotal for growth I would say it would be an open mind. And I would much rather unravel my carpet sitting together with other peeps who are unraveling theirs….Your carpet is different therefore your process with be different. Whether you are sitting cross-legged or lying down, using both hands or just your left, whether you are working slowly or furiously pulling at threads…I can sit next to you but I can't unravel your carpet.
I am unique, my recovery is unique. I would imagine there is no other left handed alcoholic in the world with 10.3 months sober, that just came from the emergency room because they injured their ring finger and had to have their wedding band cut off, who has a child home sick today and is staring at a Lego castle while typing on SR. (don't hate me cuz my life is so glam), who has some sort of weird bird thing for an avatar with the name Jaynie04. No one else. I see that as a recognition of self, and I think that being in touch with our authenticity represents a healthy ego.
Since my premise is that there is no one in the world who can ever look out from my eyes, recovery therefore will always be a very personal experience in which I may draw from a rich reservoir of concepts, and uniquely apply them to my unique life. And I benefit from being able to appreciate watching others unravel and reweave their own carpets, it enriches my view of the world.
I don't believe there is a universal cause for our alcoholism. I think we may all arrive at the same threshold but the paths we took to get there, the underlying physiology, particular genetics, socio/economics factors, etc, etc. will never match up from person to person.
It is like we are all handed skeins of yarn at birth,similar but not identical, and we each spend years weaving a carpet. My carpet might be loosely woven with a symmetrical graphic design, while yours is tightly woven in an organic free flowing pattern. My texture might vary, with erratic pile while your texture belies an even hand. We started out with similar resources but ended up with very different results. Still a carpet but the variations are vast.
Recovery requires each of us to unroll our carpets and looking at the sum of the individual threads we have woven together. Being sober requires us to look over our own field, patterns, borders, fringe, etc, and unravel places that don't fit the design as we had intended. My carpet is going to unravel differently than anyone else's. I will be knotted in unique places, have thin spots in areas, I might be a polyester cut loop, yours a silk and wool shag, my edges will never match up to anyone else's. So it doesn't serve me to tell anyone else how to unravel their carpet because the knots, and irregularities, and worn spots aren't mine, we all have individual textures and weight (hmmm, Freudian?) I might ask my neighbor for help or how the undid a particular tangled area that resembles mine, but the choices I made to weave the carpet are mine alone. Likewise attending to areas that need to be reconstructed are also going to be a personal task.
We each present with so many different aspects to who we are that none of us will ever wholly have the same experience as anyone else. My guess is that no one in AA absorbs the program the exact same way. Each member will glean different bits or chunks according to what they need and put them together in a unique way. Every external experience is always internalized on a very personal level. But that is the only way any recovery method works, owning it and making it personal make it precious to us.
I believe that we are all terminally unique, and I believe that that is a strength and an asset that we need to possess for a strong, healthy ego. If I had to identify the most important aspect of recovery for me, that is pivotal for growth I would say it would be an open mind. And I would much rather unravel my carpet sitting together with other peeps who are unraveling theirs….Your carpet is different therefore your process with be different. Whether you are sitting cross-legged or lying down, using both hands or just your left, whether you are working slowly or furiously pulling at threads…I can sit next to you but I can't unravel your carpet.
I am unique, my recovery is unique. I would imagine there is no other left handed alcoholic in the world with 10.3 months sober, that just came from the emergency room because they injured their ring finger and had to have their wedding band cut off, who has a child home sick today and is staring at a Lego castle while typing on SR. (don't hate me cuz my life is so glam), who has some sort of weird bird thing for an avatar with the name Jaynie04. No one else. I see that as a recognition of self, and I think that being in touch with our authenticity represents a healthy ego.
Since my premise is that there is no one in the world who can ever look out from my eyes, recovery therefore will always be a very personal experience in which I may draw from a rich reservoir of concepts, and uniquely apply them to my unique life. And I benefit from being able to appreciate watching others unravel and reweave their own carpets, it enriches my view of the world.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Originally Posted by Robert777
I really am confused how some of us need AA to get sober while others can just use a website. Maybe there is just many heavy drinkers on this site vs real alcoholics.
If he thinks he can do the job in some other way, or prefers some other spiritual approach, encourage him to follow his own conscience. We have no monopoly on God; we merely have an approach that worked with us. But point out that we alcoholics have much in common and that you would like, in any case, to be friendly.
Here is a link to an article that Bill W wrote in 1944 for the Grapevine and in which he stated that AA has no monopoly in reviving alcoholics
Bill W.'s Comments on Philip Wylie's Article
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Norton,Ma
Posts: 9
Check your ego's
I actually am battling the disease of addiction with AA. The steps are a guide line(suggestions) on how to live everyday, not just stay sober. Im addicted to "more" as they say...or ALL which is what I say lol I am compulsive about everything I see, touch, and smell. I live with 210 guys at a treatment facility, you wanna talk ego? Some of these guys just come here to get off the street, or come straight from jail, what a messed up melting pot goin on here Ha, you can come in here and make up everything about your past, but if you do that and dont work the program, they will be back. AA here and 10 meetings a week outside and dozens of groups(step work I enjoy) anyways, lets not compare but lets share our experiences so we can help everyone around us....man thats alot of typing 
thanks guys have a great weekend!
thanks guys have a great weekend! Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Island Park , NY
Posts: 373
Jaynie04 Thank you so much ,that was beautiful! Would you mind if I printed it for a folder of things that give me pause to think and make me happy? Stay Strong and Well ! Bobby
PS I'm Left-Handed,lol
PS I'm Left-Handed,lol
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Having re-read the thread i think a lot of the confusion comes from misunderstanding the meaning of the word Ego. In the AA context Ego does not mean self importance, self worth etc but means the false self which distorts perception of our own reality. It doesn't matter what method of recovery is used, i think we can all agree that our perception was a tad off if we managed to keep pouring alcohol down our throats like there was no tomorrow? Or not?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
Originally Posted by yeahgr8
Having re-read the thread i think a lot of the confusion comes from misunderstanding the meaning of the word Ego. In the AA context Ego does not mean self importance, self worth etc but means the false self which distorts perception of our own reality. It doesn't matter what method of recovery is used, i think we can all agree that our perception was a tad off if we managed to keep pouring alcohol down our throats like there was no tomorrow? Or not?
!
Recovered from Hopeless State
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
Originally Posted by DreamingDog
My ego has been the source of a lot of anger and frustration in my life. I'm trying to cultivate some humility and respect in my recovery. Somewhat related to what you wonderful folks are talking about.
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