anykey

I got real close to my cousin, and now she has all these rules of what we can and cant talk about. How does this work? She wants to know how it is going- but I cant tell her candidly how it is really going.

I dont want to hide from the reality.

Sometimes things are a pile of crap. She and a few others wont let me express how things really are.

Today I blocked her.

She doesnt have to condone every part of my life- but she has so many rules now- that it puts me in a bad situation.

I would love to keep getting the nice gift that she sends- but.... in her perfect world- you dont talk about things.

I have a pain pill problem, and she has a xanax problem. Secrecy is only going to make each of that worse.


True friends can talk about things- with out guarding everything.

If bantering with her becomes work- then I need to get paid. Right now- the gifts are not amply payment- but why should there have to be gifts at all?

Sometimes I really dont understand people.

Upward2Enlightenment

Welcome anykey, I don't know the whole situation but it sounds like you admit that you have a problem but she is denying hers. There are plenty of people here for you to talk to. I am on day 18 clean of percocets.

anykey

Thats wonderful! I love when my friends are empowered. I just view secrecy as a barrier to having a better life. If we cant talk about the problems in an honest way- we can never fix them- so my discussing my issue and her not wanting to hear it- is like she doesnt want to acknowledge that she has a problem too!

Today she got mad because I was complaining about the price and rxs- and she also made the rule she doesnt want me to post about my girlfriend because she is from another country. The list grows longer of what we cant talk about- then all we have to talk about is the weather.

Her DUI from xanax is in the court system- so her life is on hold. She shut me out today- so I blocked her- when she is ready to talk- she will be unhappy because she cant communicate what is on her mind. But that is the rule she imposed on me. I am not allowed to talk about those 2 items- previous items and a long laundry list to come.

to fix a problem you have to properly identify it.

least

Welcome to SR! I'm glad you found us and joined the family. You'll find a lot of support here.

Upward2Enlightenment

You are right why bother talking if you are not allowed to say anything, especially the rules are not to talk about your situation. I could see if you were always nagging about her use or something and she was tired of hearing about it.

anykey

She never asked me what I thought of her xanax regiment. So I never told her. I think he Dr should lose his license by him over medicating her. That is a profound statement coming from me.

He court date last week- she has a continuance. So now she is in a major depression. (again) so she will (again) self medicate into a higher dosage of that med. She will run out early and get the shakes.

I offered 2 pretty good pieces of advice today. I told her to ask her atty if there could be another continuance- and told her she can run her own background check to see what comes up- since she is worried this could be a criminal record and could disqualify her getting a new apartment.

I dont see how my end of a conversation on fb messenger is any type of a threat to her situation.

But instead of taking my phone calls (I phoned 2x) or pm-ing me- she most likely popped a bunch of pills and went to bed. That will solve nothing.

She tried to commit suicide this past fall. She only recently told me that- before this she said she did not.

I have never lectured her on her pill use. I hate it when she calls me silly. I was worried about a UPS delivery on a lawn cushion she bought for me- she said I was silly. Well I live on a busy street and things can get stolen here. I here noises all day long due to the street- I do not like being called silly. One year theifs even stole my patio door!!

Live

I had a "friend" who had ridiculous rules of what I could mention in front of her, even about talking to other people when she was not in the room, while I listened to everything from her.

I am better off without that "friendship"

Holli

I am certainly no expert on much of anything, but I have come to realize that we need to take the negative people out of our lives.

EndGameNYC

It sounds more like a business arrangement than a friendship.

What's in it for you?

anykey

I am 50 -she is 46. We bumped into eachother- when she is going thru a midlife crises- she just got a divorce and her kids are raised and out of the house. I am gay and never had kids. My sister is busy with her young kids- so there isnt the time for alot of family contact.
So we found eachother. To celebrate her divorce she bought me some gifts- she has spent over $1,000.00 on me in the past few months.

I do not require gifts for friendship. I do prefer that we all can be candid and upfront.


Up until today- I went along with her rules. As I got some nice gifts. But if I cant be me- then it is not genuine. She has the DUI court stress to go thru now.

I detect she also has bi polar disorder.

So we knew eachother as kids- but the last 35 years of life we did not. I live in another state- We did not know each other thry her marriage and her having and raising her 2 now grown kids.

So our friendship was a blank slate. It could be anything we decided it to be.

One of the gifts was she paid my trip to go see her.

FeenixxRising

First of all welcome to SR anykey.

It sounds like you want to change your cousin's attitude, but she has a right to talk about only the things that interest her, and you have the right to drop her as a friend because of that. The odds of changing her behavior to conform to your wishes is a futile effort IMO. You either accept someone as they are or you don't. I suspect it's time to find someone else you can confide in.

Are you involved in any programs to help with your pain pill issue? If not, I know there are a number of NA meetings in Central PA and there is also a SMART meeting just outside of Harrisburg. You will at least find people in those meetings who will are willing to listen to whatever it is you want to talk about.

anykey

Feen- her rules are becoming a laundry list of rules.

It is a fascinating look at life- she alienates people and has no idea why- well I am beginning to get the idea as to her process.

I lost my best friend a few years ago. Since then- I do not have a best friend.

topspin

Anykey , ......welcome to SR,

I was wondering the same thing ^

anykey

I live in a small town. The AA people do not get along with the NA people.

I have phobias about leaving my house. I dont like to leave it and have panic attacks. I even avoid going to the grocery store. I am permanent and total disabled. I have alot of bad days. I am on around 11 medications.

The idea of leaving the house sends my mind racing. Also things do not get done around the house.

In a small town area- most the addicts are AA- not NA. It is also a disadvantage- that if I talk to a girl I am trying to get with her- when I happen to be gay. This isnt something you advertise in a town of 3,000 people.

13unluckyforsom

Just throwing this out there but I'm pretty sure you can do A A meetings online.

FeenixxRising

Are you looking to get sober? I guess I'm unclear about your goal. Are you looking for information as to how you can change your cousin's attitude? Or are you just venting? I understand you're frustration with your cousin, but IMO, there is little or nothing you can do about her behavior. But you can change yourself, assuming that's something you desire.

anykey

feen:

I am wanting to get some moderation in life. I am venting. I want to better manege my life. Completely cutting out the use of pain pills- is not a goal that I have made.

A serious grasp on rational usage- as a tool in my life - yes.

======================================

13: per haps in some way this is an online AA/NA.