Hey there
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 6
Hey there
I’ve been reading this forum off and on for a long time, and I finally took the plunge to join. I’ve been drinking on the heavy side of social for about 23 years. My parents are both active alcoholics. I like to drink and chill out, and it helps me feel more comfortable socially, cause I’m shy.
I’ve been struggling with depression/anxiety and migraines for a long time, though, and I’m on medication for both. Recently I’ve been getting horribly depressed the day after drinking—even moderate amounts—and I decided that it makes no sense to take all this medication while I continue to drink, which exacerbates all my ailments. (Duh.) So I cut way down early this month, then stopped altogether last week. And I feel good so far—happy and peaceful. A little tired.
I’m not going to any meetings right now. I did Al-Anon for a while years ago, but as a pretty shy/introverted person, I found the meetings excruciating.
My biggest issue at the moment is that I’m in a little bar band, and all of our gigs, practices, weekend BBQs, etc., revolve around drinking. I haven’t told anybody I’m not drinking yet (it’s still very new), but I did play my first gig completely sober last Friday and I liked it. I wasn't as nervous as I thought I'd be, though talking with folks was still kinda hard.
I’m worried about losing friends or not being invited to social events—that maybe I’ll discover a lot of these friends are really just drinking buddies. I don’t want to become a social pariah, but I know I have to do what’s best for me, too.
Anyway, just thought I'd say hello. Sorry if this intro is a bit long-winded.
I’ve been struggling with depression/anxiety and migraines for a long time, though, and I’m on medication for both. Recently I’ve been getting horribly depressed the day after drinking—even moderate amounts—and I decided that it makes no sense to take all this medication while I continue to drink, which exacerbates all my ailments. (Duh.) So I cut way down early this month, then stopped altogether last week. And I feel good so far—happy and peaceful. A little tired.
I’m not going to any meetings right now. I did Al-Anon for a while years ago, but as a pretty shy/introverted person, I found the meetings excruciating.
My biggest issue at the moment is that I’m in a little bar band, and all of our gigs, practices, weekend BBQs, etc., revolve around drinking. I haven’t told anybody I’m not drinking yet (it’s still very new), but I did play my first gig completely sober last Friday and I liked it. I wasn't as nervous as I thought I'd be, though talking with folks was still kinda hard.
I’m worried about losing friends or not being invited to social events—that maybe I’ll discover a lot of these friends are really just drinking buddies. I don’t want to become a social pariah, but I know I have to do what’s best for me, too.
Anyway, just thought I'd say hello. Sorry if this intro is a bit long-winded.
☀️⛳️
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,506
Originally Posted by WillaCather 
I’ve been reading this forum off and on for a long time, and I finally took the plunge to join. I’ve been drinking on the heavy side of social for about 23 years. My parents are both active alcoholics. I like to drink and chill out, and it helps me feel more comfortable socially, cause I’m shy.
I’ve been struggling with depression/anxiety and migraines for a long time, though, and I’m on medication for both. Recently I’ve been getting horribly depressed the day after drinking—even moderate amounts—and I decided that it makes no sense to take all this medication while I continue to drink, which exacerbates all my ailments. (Duh.) So I cut way down early this month, then stopped altogether last week. And I feel good so far—happy and peaceful. A little tired.
I’m not going to any meetings right now. I did Al-Anon for a while years ago, but as a pretty shy/introverted person, I found the meetings excruciating.
My biggest issue at the moment is that I’m in a little bar band, and all of our gigs, practices, weekend BBQs, etc., revolve around drinking. I haven’t told anybody I’m not drinking yet (it’s still very new), but I did play my first gig completely sober last Friday and I liked it. I wasn't as nervous as I thought I'd be, though talking with folks was still kinda hard.
I’m worried about losing friends or not being invited to social events—that maybe I’ll discover a lot of these friends are really just drinking buddies. I don’t want to become a social pariah, but I know I have to do what’s best for me, too.
Anyway, just thought I'd say hello. Sorry if this intro is a bit long-winded.
I’ve been struggling with depression/anxiety and migraines for a long time, though, and I’m on medication for both. Recently I’ve been getting horribly depressed the day after drinking—even moderate amounts—and I decided that it makes no sense to take all this medication while I continue to drink, which exacerbates all my ailments. (Duh.) So I cut way down early this month, then stopped altogether last week. And I feel good so far—happy and peaceful. A little tired.
I’m not going to any meetings right now. I did Al-Anon for a while years ago, but as a pretty shy/introverted person, I found the meetings excruciating.
My biggest issue at the moment is that I’m in a little bar band, and all of our gigs, practices, weekend BBQs, etc., revolve around drinking. I haven’t told anybody I’m not drinking yet (it’s still very new), but I did play my first gig completely sober last Friday and I liked it. I wasn't as nervous as I thought I'd be, though talking with folks was still kinda hard.
I’m worried about losing friends or not being invited to social events—that maybe I’ll discover a lot of these friends are really just drinking buddies. I don’t want to become a social pariah, but I know I have to do what’s best for me, too.
Anyway, just thought I'd say hello. Sorry if this intro is a bit long-winded.
I was amazed that there was a difference between what I called drinking buddies and friends, it's very true though the people I thought were friends proved not to be the case. This is a fabulous platform to share your experiences and learn from so many great and knowledgable people.
Wishing you well.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 25
Well done for stopping - still getting through my third day and it's really opened my eyes as to how deep in I was without realising it - on that note if your friends are unhappy with you getting sober, they're probably not the right people to be around at the moment anyway as harsh as that may sound - real friends will support each other, maybe you'll be surprised, your anxiety about it won't be helping your thinking on it 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
Welcome, Willa. My brother is in a bar band and plays most Friday and Saturday nights. He was a drunk like me for 15 years and has been sober for the past 10 years. His band mates all still drink and smoke pot. Most of the bar patrons are pretty drunk too. Nevertheless, my brother shows up for gigs, with a big cup of Starbucks coffee in hand, plays his music, then goes home, sober, to his lovely wife and beautiful son. He loves it. And nobody thinks twice about it now. So, it can be done.
Good luck on your sober journey. I hope you like it here.
Good luck on your sober journey. I hope you like it here.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Willa
I was in bar bands too. It's hard to be sober in that environment, but not impossible.
there are some sober musicians on this board
For me, tho, I had to walk away for a while - if you find yourself still drinking at gigs (or before/after gigs) you may have to consider a mental health break too....
I took time off, decided I really wanted to get sober, found support, and I made some sweeping changes to my life...
eventually I went back to music ...I found some sober guys to play with
D
I was in bar bands too. It's hard to be sober in that environment, but not impossible.
there are some sober musicians on this board
For me, tho, I had to walk away for a while - if you find yourself still drinking at gigs (or before/after gigs) you may have to consider a mental health break too....
I took time off, decided I really wanted to get sober, found support, and I made some sweeping changes to my life...
eventually I went back to music ...I found some sober guys to play with
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,544
Alot of people choose to tell friends ect. that they no longer want to drink. I found it easier to not say anything. If you want to continue not drinking....do so. You can talk to us, you can talk to a sponsor if you wish, you can write in a diary, you can talk to a healthcare professional. Let friends approach you with questions they have.. I find it hard enough to quit without having to justify my reasoning for doing so. A simple "No thank you" to the offer of alcohol is enough explanation needed
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: against the grain
Posts: 746
Hi Willa. I love your short story, "the storm." hey, I've been in bands for years, bar bands, touring bands, mess-around bands, you name it. I know how it is ,the lifestyle. But it can be done. Please feel free to hit me up with questions, or venting. I get the challenges of getting sober while involved in a culture of drinking and excess
hey, I've been in bands for years, bar bands, touring bands, mess-around bands, you name it. I know how it is ,the lifestyle. But it can be done. Please feel free to hit me up with questions, or venting. I get the challenges of getting sober while involved in a culture of drinking and excess
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