Alcohol on my breath?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Lost in the midwest
Posts: 443
Alcohol on my breath?
I am so sorry that my breath reeks of Chardonnay from last nights drinking binge. You know, it was completely irresponsible to come into contact with you in this state, however I am an alcoholic. And once that booze passes my lips, my actions aren't predictable.
That smell you smell, that stale Chardonnay , is covering up my history of pain and despair. My yearning of just wanting to fit in. The fear. The pain. The hurt. The lack of self esteem. That smell is just a whisper of worry and anxiety replacing faith. So before you question me and my intentions, you should know that I am struggling. I know where help is, but I am too ashamed to go there. I can't hold it all together all the time, can you?
No I don't live under the bridge, I walk amongst you and rub shoulders with you at the market, the hair salon, the doctors office. The schoolyard, the department store, the gas station. Yes, I have problems that you would never believe, because I grit my teeth and do what I have to do on most days just to smile, because in all reality, I don't want to let you in my world. The chaos in my head would send you running so fast. You don't understand. You don't want to. You simply want to judge me for my actions and carry on in your own pretentious world. But I am stuck here..... Wishing my desire to stay sober would be stronger than my desire to make it all go away.
So please, forgive me for tying one on last night, I fell into the temptation of escape--
**these are just words that were creating a story in my mind tonight. I have some friends from aa that are currently relapsing and don't want help.
I am ok
good night sr. Peace. Love. Sobriety
Sarah
That smell you smell, that stale Chardonnay , is covering up my history of pain and despair. My yearning of just wanting to fit in. The fear. The pain. The hurt. The lack of self esteem. That smell is just a whisper of worry and anxiety replacing faith. So before you question me and my intentions, you should know that I am struggling. I know where help is, but I am too ashamed to go there. I can't hold it all together all the time, can you?
No I don't live under the bridge, I walk amongst you and rub shoulders with you at the market, the hair salon, the doctors office. The schoolyard, the department store, the gas station. Yes, I have problems that you would never believe, because I grit my teeth and do what I have to do on most days just to smile, because in all reality, I don't want to let you in my world. The chaos in my head would send you running so fast. You don't understand. You don't want to. You simply want to judge me for my actions and carry on in your own pretentious world. But I am stuck here..... Wishing my desire to stay sober would be stronger than my desire to make it all go away.
So please, forgive me for tying one on last night, I fell into the temptation of escape--
**these are just words that were creating a story in my mind tonight. I have some friends from aa that are currently relapsing and don't want help.
I am ok
good night sr. Peace. Love. Sobriety Sarah
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Thats a very good description of the still suffering alcoholic. I can relate very well to it, especially the shame and fear. The lack of faith.
I thought I was the worst case ever to come to AA and if the AA members ever found out the truth about me, they would throw me out.
But then, through working the program I discovered I was just an ordinary run of the mill alcoholic. There was nothing I had done or thought about doing that someone else in AA hadn't done or thought about doing. They loved me just the same. They showed me how to put things right.
Though I lacked the strength to get sober on my own and felt hopeless, I discovered a source of strength, a power much greater than me, that enabled me to recover.
And, over time, my faith was restored. I could fit in and live happily in this world, and even when bad things happen, I no longer have any need to drink.
I thought I was the worst case ever to come to AA and if the AA members ever found out the truth about me, they would throw me out.
But then, through working the program I discovered I was just an ordinary run of the mill alcoholic. There was nothing I had done or thought about doing that someone else in AA hadn't done or thought about doing. They loved me just the same. They showed me how to put things right.
Though I lacked the strength to get sober on my own and felt hopeless, I discovered a source of strength, a power much greater than me, that enabled me to recover.
And, over time, my faith was restored. I could fit in and live happily in this world, and even when bad things happen, I no longer have any need to drink.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
That sounds like I was when I was still drinking. Fear of smelling like alcohol everywhere I went. Work, grocery store, kid's games. Good story! Thanks for reminding me to reach out when I need help.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Relapses in the program are heartbreaking. I am new enough to AA that it affects me quite a bit.
I know that God is very much in the room when an addict recounts his/her relapse. It is always evident. I really believe that is the moment when lives can change forever. Hope some of them do.
I know that God is very much in the room when an addict recounts his/her relapse. It is always evident. I really believe that is the moment when lives can change forever. Hope some of them do.
Recognizes the Beast
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: In the kitchen, cooking up a storm
Posts: 704
Oh man, the fear of alcohol on my breath drove my already high anxiety from the hang over to astronomical levels. So happy I don't have to live like that anymore.
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