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Someone please understand me!

Old 04-29-2014, 12:52 PM
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Unhappy Someone please understand me!

Hi guys.
So this is my first time posting here but I feel like if I chat to you guys who are battling this with me and are strong individuals then I could really enneagram from the support.
So um, I'm only 21. Dropped out of college due to the fact it wasn't a full one job and it wasn't paying for my weekends. I lost my friends cos I was going out and ruining their nights coz they'd have to babysit me. I went to a party and while passed out drunk a guy sexually assaulted me. I've lost a few jobs because of this, and the anxiety since this happened has caused me to drink MORE. One night a week turned into two nights. Two nights turned into three. Three eventually turned into four with me turning to drugs to lessen the pain. Alli wanted to do was forget and feel happy again.
Now I've went and really done it now. I have THE most supportive boyfriend, and I couldn't fault a thing Alex has ever done. Met him a year ago and I love him a lot. But when I was drunk on Friday at my workmates house, I supposedly kissed some random guy while totally drunk and after cocaine and ecstasy. I can't remember this but have said to Alex I don't trust myself. WHAT do I do from here?
I know I need to stop drinking. I'm slowly but surely pushing everything I love away and replacing them with drink.
This is my first time ownin up to this. I feel a mess. Drink is my downfall.
Please help make me feel ok again.
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Old 04-29-2014, 12:56 PM
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Welcome to SR. It's god you see the downward spiral, and do know it can get a lot deeper.

I'll let others in your age group chime in, but I also admire people who reach out for help at such a young age.

The real questions is, however, since you've seen how your drinking can affect you and others, can you stop?
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Old 04-29-2014, 12:56 PM
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You're in the right place. Drinking and drugs never made any problem better--they never healed anyone, they just camouflage symptoms. You need to get off the drugs and alcohol before they hurt you any more.
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Old 04-29-2014, 01:01 PM
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Welcome to the Forum Bennevisgal!!

I definitely relate to how your addiction has progressed, slowly as alcohol starts to take more and more of our time, other things in life loose priority until eventually all we can think about is where our next drink is coming from. I like you progressed from a few days drinking at the weekend to drinking nearly every night, so i know the feeling of feeling like everything is a mess.

I guess the main thing is to realise you CAN turn things around, your 21 yrs old with many years ahead of you, by making the change now you can save yourself a lot of heartache in the future, you've already realised that alcohol is a problem in your life and that is a good thing, because now you can do something about it and make the necessary changes!!

You'll find loads of support and advice here!! Great to have you onboard!!
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Old 04-29-2014, 01:03 PM
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Thank you guys, I can't explain how much these comforting words will help. My main worry is Alex, although I know it should be myself. Maybe it's me being naive and people will think im being immature but I love him so much. I don't want drink killing out relationship cos I know for sure id turn to drink if that happened. Hypocritical, I know, but you know what I mean...?
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Old 04-29-2014, 01:11 PM
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Welcome to SR. Sorry to hear about what you have gone through. One thing I would suggest is getting counseling for the assault that happened to you. If you quit the alcohol and drugs the pain from that will rear its ugly head again and may cause you to relapse. You have taken the important first steps of recognizing your problem and admitting that you have a problem. Good luck and keep posting here. You will find plenty of help here to guide you in the right direction
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Old 04-29-2014, 01:28 PM
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A counselor is a fine idea. Many of them have sliding scales, which means they'll ask only as much as you can afford to pay. Keep demonstrating your love to Alex. When the time is right, you will be able to clear the air with him, and you won't be in fear.
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Old 04-29-2014, 04:12 PM
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Alcohol and drugs can make you do some pretty messed up things. You definitely messed up, but it seems like you understand the cause of all of your problems. It seems like you just need to walk away from all drugs completely. I understand that this is very difficult to do, but I wish you the best of luck and you have the support of this entire community behind you.
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Old 04-29-2014, 04:17 PM
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It's great to meet you Bennevisgal. You are in good company here - we all understand. I couldn't trust myself when I drank either - that's why I had to let it go.

I felt so much better when I could talk about my feelings here on SR. I had no one else to turn to in my life. Please keep reading & posting - we care about you and want to help.
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