OpioPhobe

Snowflake - opis were my DOC. If you are talking about using the safety deposit box for your taper I don't think that is a bad idea. If the plan is to use it after you are done with them to hold your pills I think that is a bad idea. A safety deposit box would just be an annoyance if you made up your mind you were going to relapse. Once you quit you won't need the pills any more.

You are right about the noose getting tighter over time. The only thing to do is to get through your taper and be done with them. Is there any way you can cancel the refills? Even if you don't act on the refills having them available is only going to make the mental anguish worse in my opinion. It would for me anyway.

Why do you think you are going to die so soon? Is there something specific you are worried about?

snowflake74

I'm afraid if I cancel the refill that I'll be "flagged." Maybe I'm paranoid, but I feel like they are scrutinizing my every move with these prescriptions, and rightly so, but I just think they would think a normal person would just not refill a refill. But to cancel, may indicate a problem on their part, which could affect me.

I feel like I'm going to die soon if I keep this addiction alive. I'm sure my liver is damaged from all of these pills. My last labs had slightly elevated liver enzymes, but not enough to alert my doctor. I can also tend to be a bit of a hypochondriac.

Adnamaeel

Snowflake, tapering does send you into withdrawal, and it's hard. I usually took 3 doses of pills each day, so my first cut was of the entire middle dose. It hurt. Cutting my other 2 doses back bit by bit wasn't nearly as hard. When I cut the whole second dose it got pretty intense again, but when I stopped all the way it wasn't as bad as cutting out the other 2 doses.
That was my experience, I don't know how similar yours will be, but I do know that if you just ride it out, you won't ever have to do this again.

anykey

Medications for cholesterol are big for liver damage. I know of one pain med- that the company reduced the acetaminophen from 500 mg to 325 mg.

Verte

My suggestion to you would be:

Call your Rheumatologist and schedule an appointment to talk about 'alternatives to managing your small-fiber neuropathy' since the opioids just have slowly stopped being effective for you - that you actually are getting more negatives side effects at this point than benefits.

You are probably aware that there are a few great non-opioid med options available that work wonders for the neuropathy...and the doses do not really have to be that hefty.

Rheumies are used to creating tapering schedules to minimize discomfort and avoid condition flares. Maybe if you do not feel a surge in pain it will alleviate a lot of the anxiety you now feel and anticipate?? Since your Rheumie is your long time prescribing Doc this is a totally realistic request.

This way you can minimize discomfort, anxiety, maintain a useful patient-Doc relationship, and be monitored by your Doc while you go through the process.

Also, if you are willing to pay out-of-pocket to see an addiction/dependence specialist outside of your city then you can get the emotional support you need and can come up with a plan for that as well.

Just my early morning thoughts!

Upward2Enlightenment

Snowflake try LTV's advice, you could then tell the pharmacy that you want to cancel the refills because you and your doctor want to try a different plan.

snowflake74

These are all great things to consider. I'm pretty confident my tapering schedule can't get much better. (I have experience making elaborate tapering schedule to ween off of benzos which is an entirely different story). I'm more of a steady stream of opiate person than a chunk-dosage person like you, Adnamaeel. I'm down to 8 today and felt better today. I notice in the withdrawal process I have good days and bad days. I guess that is to be expected with my body adjusting. I am back-loading my heaviest intake "chunk" to the evenings, when I take it more for the wrong reasons, so right now each day I take 1 pill every four hours which gets me until 8 pm. Then whatever remains in the evening "chunk" is what I'm tapering down. So tonight my "chunk" was 3 more plus the 1 oxycodone. By next week I'll be down to having my "chunk" only be the one oxy with no additional hydro. Then the final week I will eliminate the oxy and go down to only hydros in a day 6,5,4,3,2,1... sober by May 23rd! Then 4 days off from work to be sick and withdrawing. That is my plan.... pray for me that I can stick to it.

I'll definitely think more about talking to my rheumatologist, but right now I'm leaning towards not causing any more drama / attention over this to him and just casually tell him, when I go back in six months for a Neurontin refill, that I decided to ween myself off of the opiates. I think he will be happy for my sake and relieved for his sake. But I'll still think about your advice, LeTheVerte. I still have a week until my next rheumatologist appt.

snowflake74

Today was a bad day. I was supposed to only take 7 on my taper, but I came home and felt upset. I had an argument with a friend today and some other bad things happened. I was set up to end the day with 7, but I said "eff it" and took 2 more. Now I feel guilty and hopeless that I'll be able to stay off this drug. Perhaps if I came on here first and sought support I wouldn't have taken the extra 2. I'm concerned that one bad day can throw me off and make me want to seek the drug. I guess that's why I'm an addict. This is really hard.

Adnamaeel

I spent 3 weeks tapering, and cheated twice on my plan. Both times I felt really bad about it, and made myself cut back by more than I'd cheated with the next day. You can take this as an opportunity to strengthen your resolve, if that's what you want. The least productive thing you can do is wake up tomorrow and decide that since you went over your limit today, that you've already blown it.

Upward2Enlightenment

Like adna said snowflake don't give up because of yesterday keep working at it.

snowflake74

Thank you, both! I feel like my resolve is stronger today, although all my joints are aching!!! My goal is 7 today. That would put me back on track. Seven. I can do it. Seven. And some ibuprofen, lol.

snowflake74

So far today I'm doing well. I am even holding strong even though my argument with my friend got worse today. I'm only taking seven today - no matter what happens. Seven.

Renarde

Hi I'm glad today is a good day. I recently spent about three months on Vicodin due to a broken bone. I was in very severe pain early on and needed the Vicodin to even breathe, basically. The problem was that I am an alcoholic with less than a year sober under my belt, and my brain was very excited to have a reason to take something like this. I also have pretty bad joint pain and so this was helpful for that too. I was taking it every night and though not a lot, I do think I became physically dependent on it. I had to taper and it wasn't pleasant. So just stopping in to say don't give up and I know from my own brief experience this can be so hard. Keep talking!

snowflake74

Thank you, Renarde. I'm glad you were able to overcome it. How long have you been clean from the Vicodin? Do you find that you think about it sometimes or crave it since you been clean? If so, what do you do to deal with it? I'm still nervous about when I get clean if I'm going to be able to stay clean, but I'm trying to just focus on today and tomorrow I will only try to focus on tomorrow.

I stayed at seven today and feel pretty confident that I'm not going to take any more tonight, in part from using this site today to help me! I found that posting my goal in the morning helped me stick to it because I felt like you all were cheering me on and so I didn't want to let all of you down.

I was wondering though, being new to the site, if it's proper etiquette to making a brand new thread every day to ask support for that day, with the goal of more eyes seeing it, or would that be overly monopolizing the forum? I could keep posting on this thread, but I feel more people would help me if I started a new thread every day. I haven't browsed the forum much outside of this thread to know what the norm is for that.

But today was a success!! Thank you all for helping it be that way! Tomorrow I need to stay at seven again.

anykey

You may have to put some distance between you and that friend.

I personally would not rock the boat- ie draw attention per the pharmacy or the dr.

I have days that I exceed my limit. Try to get away from the triggers- such as that friend.

snowflake74

Anykey, to what friend are you referring?

anykey

The friend that you had the argument with.

I think I am going to have my neighbor hold my pain pills. She is pretty good about that.

anykey

Snow - I think I got some threads mixed up. I am sorry.

snowflake74

That's ok. I forgot I mentioned my argument. If we "make up" in the next few days than the trigger will dissolve, but if we don't... then yes, I think you're right. I'm going to have to distance myself. Good advice.

I think it's a wonderful idea to give your supply to your neighbor. I'm proud of you for being willing to take that step!

anykey

It is the only way to make progress. I can trust her.