What do I tell my family?
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 53
What do I tell my family?
I am new to this community, and extremely grateful to all of the support I have found here. This is a very positive community with some really helpful people. I am so glad I found this forum as I feel I have people I can talk to who will truly support me. I didn't accept fully that I had a problem until yesterday and this community helped me come to terms with my problem. I have realized that I am unable of consuming any substance without letting it consume my life. One of the major problems I am having is how do I explain to my friends and family that I do not drink? I am 20 years old, and my parents are totally cool with me drinking. I do not really feel like explaining to them that I have been a drug addict and cannot handle anything in moderation. At family and social gatherings I am expected to drink, but I always drink too much and turn into a person that I do not want to be anymore. I really want to be done with drugs and alcohol forever, but I am surrounded by it everywhere I go. I can find a new group of friends (although I'd rather not), but finding another family is a different story entirely.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
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Welcome to SR. 
You can just tell your family that you've given up drinking for your health. No, you can't find another family, but you can inform your family that you won't be drinking anymore. If they have your best interests at heart, they won't give you a hard time about it.
You can just tell your family that you've given up drinking for your health. No, you can't find another family, but you can inform your family that you won't be drinking anymore. If they have your best interests at heart, they won't give you a hard time about it.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
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I think they will support me eventually, but they will definitely think its weird. I am a college student and my parents expect me to drink. If I tell my mom that I don't drink I feel like she may even be disappointed. My mom tells me all of the time about how she used to party in college, and I think this has influenced me in part to become the addict that I have become. However, this is a conversation I really do not want to have.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,010
You shouldn't feel obligated to drink to appease anyone. You are a grown up and can make your own decisions. I used to feel like I had to make an excuse, now I just say I don't drink and leave it at that. I used to tell people that I was in training for something or that I was taking antibiotics. My sobriety and my health are my business.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Welcome! There are a lot of ways to handle it but my advice is not to overthink it. It's a bigger deal to you than it will be to them. In a way it's like "coming out"- maybe a surprise at first but quickly it just becomes who you are. You don't have to make a grand pronouncement, either. Just don't drink. If they ask for whatever reason just tell them you've seen lots of people your age waste their lives getting drunk all the time and that you want better for yourself.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Alaska
Posts: 229
I can't imagine that substance abuse is looked upon as a good, expected or accepted thing for a parent.
Mitch, you really don't owe anyone a reason. I understand that you want your parents' approval, but I ask you to understand that what they accept and expect as "normal" (and perhaps living vicariously through you) may not be what YOU want...and that's not only okay, it's an important part of becoming your own person. Let them be uncomfortable. It's not your job to make them happy (and of course not at the cost of you).
Mitch, you really don't owe anyone a reason. I understand that you want your parents' approval, but I ask you to understand that what they accept and expect as "normal" (and perhaps living vicariously through you) may not be what YOU want...and that's not only okay, it's an important part of becoming your own person. Let them be uncomfortable. It's not your job to make them happy (and of course not at the cost of you).
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
Hi MitchMatch,
Welcome!
My parents didn't really encourage me to drink. They just always though no matter what I did it it was fine. Sometimes parents don't want to know when we struggle. Especially if they can't fix it.
So I kept it on the down low. Didn't make a big deal about it. Just said I sure do like me better when I don't drink. I've found I'm pretty happy when I don't. What? They don't want me to be happy? Sure they do. I hope you have parents that just want that for you too.
Anyway, I wouldn't let them tell me who I had to marry so I wouldn't let them tell me I had to drink.
Good job. I think that is very mature of you to see that you don't like how alcohol changes you into something you don't want to be. Very good at only 20.
You may be surprised that after awhile they may be just fine you don't drink. Just like they eventually accept the person you choose to marry.
You can do it!
Welcome!
My parents didn't really encourage me to drink. They just always though no matter what I did it it was fine. Sometimes parents don't want to know when we struggle. Especially if they can't fix it.
So I kept it on the down low. Didn't make a big deal about it. Just said I sure do like me better when I don't drink. I've found I'm pretty happy when I don't. What? They don't want me to be happy? Sure they do. I hope you have parents that just want that for you too.
Anyway, I wouldn't let them tell me who I had to marry so I wouldn't let them tell me I had to drink.
Good job. I think that is very mature of you to see that you don't like how alcohol changes you into something you don't want to be. Very good at only 20.
You may be surprised that after awhile they may be just fine you don't drink. Just like they eventually accept the person you choose to marry.
You can do it!
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 53
Thank you for all of your responses. I am almost definitely overthinking it. It is just tough because my entire family on my dad's side drink a lot. I am the oldest grandson, and drinking at family gatherings always seemed like a right of passage into adulthood. My family won't judge me, but I wish that I could handle drinking in moderation, I just know that I am unable to do that.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
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I wouldn't say my parents are quite alcoholics, but they drink a lot. My parents are successful and are able to be very productive. Alcohol was not even my biggest problem, I smoked weed pretty much every day for the last two years or so up until yesterday. I obsess over drugs. I tried acid a few times (not addictive) and I wanted to do it all the time after (luckily none of my friends were willing to do it often). I just have a generally addictive personality and I decided that I should just be sober for a while and see how I feel, so far I feel great! Haven't had to deal with a weekend yet though, that'll be the real test.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
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Hi Mitch, people might think it's weird for a while but they'll get used to it, and respect your decision.
Explain to your parents that you've realised moderation doesn't work for you. Don't be apologetic because it's your life and your decision.
Explain to your parents that you've realised moderation doesn't work for you. Don't be apologetic because it's your life and your decision.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Mitch. I'm impressed. I agree with everyone else. Which means there is no right answer. I f you want to come out of the closet it's up to you. I'm more of the don't ask don't tell mindset. If they ask just say you don't feel like drinking. No need to expound on it.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
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I never really thought about it until right now, but my parents are definitely living vicariously through me and that makes me kinda mad. I have been driven to overindulge because I feel that it is almost expected of me. I need to focus on making myself a better person and stop being concerned with being altered all of the time. Two days ago I was a straight up druggie and then some sort of switch flipped in my head, I feel like a new person and I've never been happier.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Island Park , NY
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Originally Posted by MitchMatch 
The truth would be more like, "Mom, alcohol made me feel really really good, but it also made me an awful person so I'm not drinking anymore."
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