tornrealization

How does one want to be sober?

If I could, I'd be drunk all the time. Yet I don't like blackouts, puke and other side effects.

I don't care to do moderation. If I could get drunk without problems, I'd do that. I guess that means something. But what?

heath480

You have to reach a point ,where you want to be sober more than you want to drink.

From your post it seems you want to drink but without the problems.

If you are an Alcoholic it will get worse,never better.

You haven't reached your rock bottom yet,I hope you decide to give sobriety a go,before things get worse for you.

Notmyrealname

After awhile I realized that the intoxication had become a very small part of the whole. It was really all about the blackouts, retching, bad judgment, regrets and missed opportunities, anxiety and worry, chronically undermined self-esteem, crippling hangovers and other side effects.

Who wants all of that? Not me!

Marcher13

Torn you don't have to moderate, in fact most of us would advise you didn't even attempt moderation because for most of us here moderation is impossible.

"How do you want to be sober" basically comes down to a choice. You can have blackouts, puke and other side effects and keep drinking or you can feel things in your heart, experience your life fully, feel fabulous and other side effects by being sober. That's the choice for we alcoholics.

Becoming sober is something we can all do together, one day at a time.

rove27

Great summary,you said it all... once I felt this way I knew it was time to quit....

justinJustQuit

a year ago I was drinking about 1/3 of what I did coming off my latest binge. Getting detoxed from alcohol gets harder and harder too. When I ended up in the ER trying to come off alcohol, it scared me.

Thepatman

Notmyrealname is on the ball, all that crap for temporary pleasure.

If you are like me, Alcohol helped me numb my feelings, because I never learned how to deal with them as a child. How can I deal with grief? How can I loose a loved one (my case my, dad, mom, grandma, grandpa) and grief in a healthy way?

Identify all your emotions, make the list of things you can do to deal with them without booze. If like me with grief, you have a hard time coming up with things to do other than drinking to oblivion, than that is the work you need to do. Stopping drinking is not that hard, dealing with life on life's terms is the issue for most of us

forabetterlife

Torn, I get what you mean. The drinking/drunk aspect of it isn't so bad for the most part for me (besides sneaking and getting lazy) but, like Marcher said, even without all the after effects of drinking, drinking in and of itself keeps us from feeling our feelings and living our life to its fullest.
And then the physical and emotional effects the next day, coupled with the strong desire to just continue drinking the next day, is the ultimate nightmare, and not the way we want to live our lives.
I want to drink without all the problems too. I often say that to myself. But like so many other things in life, it's not reality.

GreenEggsAndHam

For me, I just knew it was causing problems in my life - major, disruptive problems. I just got tired of that and tired of feeling sick, of NEEDING to drink, being obsessed with it, rushing through everything I did to get to a drink.

How to stay sober is harder. After dry time it's so easy to think, eh, just one won't hurt. That's where I really start to struggle.

Dee74

Hi Torn

I have a really bad relationship with alcohol.

I went through two long term relationships, two careers, and a lot of ill health before I decided that quitting drinking was the best of the two choices I had.


You can either accept that you have a bad relationship too and stop drinking now - or you can lose everything you hold dear and you can quit in 5, 10,20 years time...if you make it and don't become another statistic.

Ask anybody here and they'll tell you the smart money is on quitting now.
The earlier you quit the more of the things you love you get to keep.

D

Bilr44

I knew I was past the "enjoyment" part when I started to sneak my drinking. What normal drinker hides bottles of vodka or puts it in other containers for easy access. What normal person sneaks a bottle or two in their suitcase going on vacation? When the need started outweighing the want, I knew I had a big problem.

ontherightpath

Drinking was a symptom for me. Of course I wanted to keep drinking without consequence, because then I didn't have to deal with reality. Choosing recovery over drunkeness is the best choice I have made, ever. But honestly I have trouble with constant adherence. I am working in that.

Kayak

Never, ever, ever forget what it was like. In time I tend to forget the details and just gloss over it and say "it wasn't that bad! Yea it was and i for one try to never forget. i don't dwell on it, but remember it's a place i don't want to ever visit again.

luisalehz

For me, I had to get tot he point where I thought I was going to do. I had scary symptoms of deteriorating health. When I really stopped and thought what it would be like to leave my daughter behind with an emotionally absent ... and sometimes physically absent father ... and then the thought of not being able to spend the rest of my life with my fiance who loves me so much that he cried when I got called back to the doctor after a mammogram showed something suspicious ... I realized that I was NOT going to be one of those people who left people behind in pain. That is NOT who I wanted to be. But it was rock bottom for me. I didn't have blackouts or vomiting. I never had withdrawal ... just years and years of drinking too much everyday. Never feeling good about myself, and feeling totally unhealthy. Moderation is not an option for me because I do nothing in moderation. I don't even love in moderation, and thank goodness because it was the love for my family that smacked the final bit of sense into me.

And by the way, I never believed anyone who had cleaned up before me that life was better without alcohol. But now that I don't use it, I know they were right all along and I could have been living this way a long time ago.

You can do it, because if I can, anyone can.

luisalehz

Oh my! Yes, that was a BIG clue for me too ... What a time sucker too! Who has time for all this deceit. Geesh! I am soooo glad that part is over ... I love all my free time. I just did my own nails!

hothow

Sums it up completely ,I for one would still drink if there were no negatives but it always ends this way , the balance of pain v pleasure has to tip in the mind! Good luck, hh

DoubleDragons

I agree with everyone, the bad side effects were totally overwhelming in comparison to the 30 minutes of "good buzz." My mother is an alcoholic, doing things like showing up to daytime family events drunk. Even five years ago, I would have sworn on my children that she wouldn't do things like that, so watching her spiral downward has been such a wake-up call for me as to what I don't want to end up like. My parents and my in-laws (my f-i-l died at age 59 from complications of his alcoholism) have problems with alcohol and the consequences have been grave. I want to have healthy, wonderful relationships with my children and future grandchildren, and I have seen how alcohol puts a wedge in all relationships that is very hard to overcome. Preventative measures are a huge driver of my sobriety.

alphaomega

Once you have some sober time under your belt , you start to understand that life, and all it's foibles and follies, is a grand event.

And then you no longer want to miss out on any of it. Not even the sorrow and the pain.

It's those that shape and mold us.

Hard to comprehend whilst still consuming, I know.

But bouncing from one anesthesized event to the next, literally takes all the joi de vivre out of this short time we are here.

It's in the "living it" that life becomes truly worthwhile.

XO AO

SoberLeigh

Wanting to be sober; wanting it enough to actually do it, forever. That is the Magical Moment - the "enough already; enough; enough; enough" moment. I had so many middle of the night and awake with a pounding heart "Day 1s" to make up years only to watch my resolve starting to mentally crumble by 11:00 am and actively deciding by 3:00 pm to have only one when I got home from work only to start the whole process over again at 7:00 pm.

At 7:35 pm one night almost 29 months ago, I finally said "enough; enough; enough". I was simply so weary, so truly exhausted, so overwhelmed by the process and the next-day self-loathing that came with it that it finally clicked; drinking had become worse than the realities I was trying to escape - it was my Magical Moment.

I feel for each and every one of you who are struggling and pray you find your Magical Moments soon.

alphaomega

This. A thousand times over. THIS.

Thank you for this friend. It's printed and posted in my sobriety journal.

Perfectly stated.