How to want to be sober
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
Hi Torn,
Yes, I think it means something. For me, it was a pretty important something.
I hated all the after effects of my drinking. Hated I say. Yet I continued to do it. Hated how I felt physically and really hated how I felt about myself. Spent 15 years letting myself down over and over again. Not to good for the self esteem. Cost me 15 years of not getting to know the real me. My soul for a quick shut down that didn't even last 24 hours. What a price to pay. Now that I've left it behind, I can tell you I've directed my anger where it really belongs...on that life wasting, soul sucking alcohol. Nothing personal to it. It can do what it wants. I however, want nothing to do with it. We do not get along. Actually, I've even got over the anger. It's just a stupid liquid now. I just focus on being the best me.
I will be honest, at first, I wanted to be sober but I had no idea how I was going to get to the part where I would learn how to comfort and care about myself more than using it to just shut down. Which is what I was really doing. I used it to not have to deal with things I didn't know how to deal with on my own. Good or bad. Or even imagined.
I had quit before so I knew for a fact I could get there. I just wasn't too excited about learning it all over again. I think that's what the roller coaster ride part after I quit was.
This is just my opinion and it's just my experience, everyone is different and entitled to their own but I have found, just like most things in life, you don't get those feelings of pride and accomplishment before the hard work. It always comes after.
No matter what bs story I told myself alcohol was doing for me I can say for sure it never gave me a sense of pride and accomplishment. Never. Not once. Only leaving it behind and putting in the work of figuring out how to care about myself did that. When I was sad, I had to figure a way to pull myself out of it. When I was happy, I had to figure a way to be happy and just enjoy it. I had to figure a lot of things out. Pretty much everything felt new and scary at first. But, I did get better at it every time I tried something other than picking up a drink. I just had to try something. A lot of somethings.
You can do it Torn. There is a voice deep down inside you that's telling you that you deserve a better life and you are worth it. Follow that voice. The other one is lying. I had that voice too and it was telling me the same lies. That I didn't have it in me to value myself and it didn't matter anyway so what the h*ll. What a liar. Yes I do and yes it does matter.
Don't give up Torn.
Yes, I think it means something. For me, it was a pretty important something.
I hated all the after effects of my drinking. Hated I say. Yet I continued to do it. Hated how I felt physically and really hated how I felt about myself. Spent 15 years letting myself down over and over again. Not to good for the self esteem. Cost me 15 years of not getting to know the real me. My soul for a quick shut down that didn't even last 24 hours. What a price to pay. Now that I've left it behind, I can tell you I've directed my anger where it really belongs...on that life wasting, soul sucking alcohol. Nothing personal to it. It can do what it wants. I however, want nothing to do with it. We do not get along. Actually, I've even got over the anger. It's just a stupid liquid now. I just focus on being the best me.
I will be honest, at first, I wanted to be sober but I had no idea how I was going to get to the part where I would learn how to comfort and care about myself more than using it to just shut down. Which is what I was really doing. I used it to not have to deal with things I didn't know how to deal with on my own. Good or bad. Or even imagined.
I had quit before so I knew for a fact I could get there. I just wasn't too excited about learning it all over again. I think that's what the roller coaster ride part after I quit was.
This is just my opinion and it's just my experience, everyone is different and entitled to their own but I have found, just like most things in life, you don't get those feelings of pride and accomplishment before the hard work. It always comes after.
No matter what bs story I told myself alcohol was doing for me I can say for sure it never gave me a sense of pride and accomplishment. Never. Not once. Only leaving it behind and putting in the work of figuring out how to care about myself did that. When I was sad, I had to figure a way to pull myself out of it. When I was happy, I had to figure a way to be happy and just enjoy it. I had to figure a lot of things out. Pretty much everything felt new and scary at first. But, I did get better at it every time I tried something other than picking up a drink. I just had to try something. A lot of somethings.
You can do it Torn. There is a voice deep down inside you that's telling you that you deserve a better life and you are worth it. Follow that voice. The other one is lying. I had that voice too and it was telling me the same lies. That I didn't have it in me to value myself and it didn't matter anyway so what the h*ll. What a liar. Yes I do and yes it does matter.
Don't give up Torn.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
