On day 31, but unsure
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 174
On day 31, but unsure
After a lot of tries(during a year), when i couldn't get past day 3, then day 7, then day 13, and many cravings and withdrawals i finally got here.
The good part, this was too easy. The first 3 days were hell, couldn't control my anxiety, but it got away completely within a week.
I faced temptations, got past them relatively easy(relatively to my past experiences), now i really don't have any desire to drink.
The bad part, this was too easy. I think i am still in the pink cloud, but not sure how.
I'm over the joy of waking up everyday fine and refreshed after a good night's sleep. I don't post here much and i don't think too much alcohol or how good is without it.
It seems that i'm just continuing my life nor better, nor worse -the drinking, -the everyday anger, +exercising daily, +the desire to change my life that i always had but i was too coward to do something in the past.
Don't get me wrong, i am really happy for myself, i don't want ever to drink again, but i'm afraid that i might fall into a trap. I read a lot of stories around here and i found nothing like this.
Could it get worse from this point? Like a delayed withdrawal, or something that has to do with kindling effect?
Thank you!
The good part, this was too easy. The first 3 days were hell, couldn't control my anxiety, but it got away completely within a week.
I faced temptations, got past them relatively easy(relatively to my past experiences), now i really don't have any desire to drink.
The bad part, this was too easy. I think i am still in the pink cloud, but not sure how.
I'm over the joy of waking up everyday fine and refreshed after a good night's sleep. I don't post here much and i don't think too much alcohol or how good is without it.
It seems that i'm just continuing my life nor better, nor worse -the drinking, -the everyday anger, +exercising daily, +the desire to change my life that i always had but i was too coward to do something in the past.
Don't get me wrong, i am really happy for myself, i don't want ever to drink again, but i'm afraid that i might fall into a trap. I read a lot of stories around here and i found nothing like this.
Could it get worse from this point? Like a delayed withdrawal, or something that has to do with kindling effect?
Thank you!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
I had many detoxes - some were dreadful and some were easy, WS.
I've no idea why.
I think the greatest danger after an 'easy' detox is becoming too complacent, or too overconfident and convincing yourself that an easy detox means there's no problem...
D
I've no idea why.
I think the greatest danger after an 'easy' detox is becoming too complacent, or too overconfident and convincing yourself that an easy detox means there's no problem...
D
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi wierd, sometimes it just clicks! I say my time has been easy, but if I really think about it, it took many, many tries before my mindset was right. I bet most of us on SR are the same.
You tried a few times too, and while you were thinking it was a failure you were moving closer to your goal.
I think you're right to be wary of over-confidence but as long as you are prepared, I hope you won't be ambushed or taken by surprise.
You tried a few times too, and while you were thinking it was a failure you were moving closer to your goal.
I think you're right to be wary of over-confidence but as long as you are prepared, I hope you won't be ambushed or taken by surprise.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 174
Ohh, but i know clearly what my problem is. My dreams don't let me forget that. I still dream about me slipping and wake up in sweats. That's my worst fear and this is why i am concerned about it getting worse.
Because now i know that i can do it, but i also know that my sobriety day was always "tomorrow", never "today". And most of the time "tomorrow" never came and it was always "today" and me buzzed.
That's what i am afraid to. To not lose what i allready have. Because new job opportunities start to rise at horizon and it is good, but it also scares me that i don't know how to celebrate. I hadn't a chance to practice this as i used to practice getting past bad moments.
Because now i know that i can do it, but i also know that my sobriety day was always "tomorrow", never "today". And most of the time "tomorrow" never came and it was always "today" and me buzzed.
That's what i am afraid to. To not lose what i allready have. Because new job opportunities start to rise at horizon and it is good, but it also scares me that i don't know how to celebrate. I hadn't a chance to practice this as i used to practice getting past bad moments.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Originally Posted by weirdesttoner 
... but it also scares me that i don't know how to celebrate. I hadn't a chance to practice this as i used to practice getting past bad moments.
Think of something you love other than a glass of wine and do that. You're saving a lot of money so you probably have a bit of spare cash.
If it were me it would be I DESERVE a new handbag.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
It sounds like you are feeling good. Exploit the momentum. When your wave comes in you gotta get up on your board and ride that sucker 
The more castles you build in sobriety, the less likely you are to let them wash away.
Dunno what's up with the ocean metaphors today, maybe 'cause it's raining, got water on the brain.
The more castles you build in sobriety, the less likely you are to let them wash away.
Dunno what's up with the ocean metaphors today, maybe 'cause it's raining, got water on the brain.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
It's a good thing that you chose to share this, weirdesttoner.
Many of us are not used to feeling just okay. It's an emotionally unfamiliar experience that, by virtue of its novelty, can promote anxiety. It's an insidious emotional paradox, with self-sabotage acting as the preferred "remedy." I see this all the time when working with people who present with anxiety or depression.
For me, I'm most vulnerable to relapse when things are going well or just proceeding smoothly. It takes time to get used to living life free from drama, pain and stress. Our drinking trains us to feel out of sorts by living in and enjoying the moment.
We are essentially more comfortable on some level with the all-too-familiar misery that we bring upon ourselves. This is part of the answer to the question as to why it's so difficult to put down the drink. It's the devil we know.
Many of us are not used to feeling just okay. It's an emotionally unfamiliar experience that, by virtue of its novelty, can promote anxiety. It's an insidious emotional paradox, with self-sabotage acting as the preferred "remedy." I see this all the time when working with people who present with anxiety or depression.
For me, I'm most vulnerable to relapse when things are going well or just proceeding smoothly. It takes time to get used to living life free from drama, pain and stress. Our drinking trains us to feel out of sorts by living in and enjoying the moment.
We are essentially more comfortable on some level with the all-too-familiar misery that we bring upon ourselves. This is part of the answer to the question as to why it's so difficult to put down the drink. It's the devil we know.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
weirdesttoner
I was really very lucky too. The really bad cravings were gone inside a month and then I've had various touch and go moments where this board saved me.
The silent assassin (my new name for the AV thanks to EndGame) can come calling at any given moment. Watch for it. It's great at disguising itself too. Words are coming out of your mouth that make complete and total sense to you but people here will help you out with that.
It's something else isn't it? The concept of a reward system that doesn't have anything to do with the drug of your choice. It definitely takes some getting used to but after you do it a few times you realize that it's far more rewarding than what you got out of picking up a drink.
What are your favorite things to do? Something that you don't typically allow yourself that is within reason as a tradeoff? That's where I started.
I was really very lucky too. The really bad cravings were gone inside a month and then I've had various touch and go moments where this board saved me.
The silent assassin (my new name for the AV thanks to EndGame) can come calling at any given moment. Watch for it. It's great at disguising itself too. Words are coming out of your mouth that make complete and total sense to you but people here will help you out with that.
It's something else isn't it? The concept of a reward system that doesn't have anything to do with the drug of your choice. It definitely takes some getting used to but after you do it a few times you realize that it's far more rewarding than what you got out of picking up a drink.
What are your favorite things to do? Something that you don't typically allow yourself that is within reason as a tradeoff? That's where I started.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Originally Posted by EndGameNYC
For me, I'm most vulnerable to relapse when things are going well or just proceeding smoothly.
So I thought, OK, I just like to reward myself with alcohol. Which is true. But only part of the truth I've figured, with deeper investigation.
In fact, for some of us, I think doing well, things going smoothly, feeling "problem free" might perhaps create an emotionally unfamiliar situation. Not necessarily because we have never had a pleasant and satisfying life period, but maybe because some of us might be intrinsically very drawn to problems and problem solving. I know I've been seeking out opportunities for these in my whole life - my research career is a good reflection of it, and so are many of my intimate relationships with people having all sorts of issues and problems.
Yes, weirdesttoner, your addiction-related issues can (will) definitely get worse if you don't take care of them now. I feel I'm a bit like you - tend to get enthusiastic about any current problem solved. Because I do seriously enjoy problem solving, including when they are mine... but addictions are not something to be taken lightly. Please read through these boards and you can see.
I think we can find many exciting challenges outside of the areas that threaten our lives!
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by LadyBlue0527
The silent assassin (my new name for the AV thanks to EndGame) can come calling at any given moment.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Regina
Posts: 14
Hey weirdest. I'm on day 28. Congrats on day 31. I can understand your concern to relapse but I think you should put more emphasis on the positive steps you've made! You've done 31 days and you can do 31, 62, 93, a lifetime more ! Just Find The things that Keep you sober and take the emphasis off relapsing. Do you have support? I feel for you, sometimes I think how badly I'd love to get drunk. But I know something in me has changed. And I don't want that to define me anymore. Best of luck.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 27
This has actually been my pattern the last year. Once the alcohol is out of my system, things are super easy. I have a loving wife, two beautiful kids, happiness and want for nothing. Every once in a while I have a dream that i slipped up and did drugs or got drunk but they're not really even negative dreams.
Because of this, I have followed a pattern of 30-100 days sober and then slip up. Which usually means about 8 hours of "fun" 1-2 days of pain and 2 more of self loathing and beating myself up. My last relapse wasn't even fun. So it's complete lunacy to keep slipping up...yet here I am back on day...whatever this is. 10, 11 or whatever I'm at.
It's different than what my alcoholism WAS, and I like to think it's progress, but if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck--it's alcoholism. Wait that doesn't make sense.
In any case. I feel you...Benniesauntie has the right idea though.
Because of this, I have followed a pattern of 30-100 days sober and then slip up. Which usually means about 8 hours of "fun" 1-2 days of pain and 2 more of self loathing and beating myself up. My last relapse wasn't even fun. So it's complete lunacy to keep slipping up...yet here I am back on day...whatever this is. 10, 11 or whatever I'm at.
It's different than what my alcoholism WAS, and I like to think it's progress, but if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck--it's alcoholism. Wait that doesn't make sense.
In any case. I feel you...Benniesauntie has the right idea though.
Left the bottle behind 4/16/2015
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: NC
Posts: 1,416
This is an interesting thread. I just passed my 10 week mark yesterday. I'm at that point where I still very much appreciate better health, better sleep, better most things, but the specter of what's been more familiar to me for the past 26 years still follows me around. Even though it made my life miserable, it's like the phenomenon of someone spending decades in prison, being released, and then deliberately doing things that would land him back in prison. Human psychology is complex enough. Add addiction to the equation and it just becomes downright nonsensical!
One of the more troubling outcomes of sobriety I'm dealing with right now is that I feel my relationship with my SO starting to unravel. That was actually one of the reasons I kept drinking before, because I was afraid if I stopped there would be things of which I would become much less tolerant. It's left me in kind of a funk.
One of the more troubling outcomes of sobriety I'm dealing with right now is that I feel my relationship with my SO starting to unravel. That was actually one of the reasons I kept drinking before, because I was afraid if I stopped there would be things of which I would become much less tolerant. It's left me in kind of a funk.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 27
Get me out. I've got that exact same thing. Instead of dealing with issues I would just accept unfair elements in our relationship and use that as an excuse to drink. Sometimes I resent my wife when I get bored and think my life should be more exciting...but most of that is really just fighting with myself, blaming her for having to abstain, and I've worked through most of that.
HOWEVER, I am dealing with the strange cycle she and I have that my last relapse brought us closer together. She doesn't want to be the bad guy ever, and if I'm sober that means she has to be the bad guy sometimes. I'm not sure how to fix that. For the time being I think we're good, but for how long? I don't know. I feel ya, i guess i'm saying.
HOWEVER, I am dealing with the strange cycle she and I have that my last relapse brought us closer together. She doesn't want to be the bad guy ever, and if I'm sober that means she has to be the bad guy sometimes. I'm not sure how to fix that. For the time being I think we're good, but for how long? I don't know. I feel ya, i guess i'm saying.
Left the bottle behind 4/16/2015
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: NC
Posts: 1,416
Originally Posted by letsgowithJ
She doesn't want to be the bad guy ever, and if I'm sober that means she has to be the bad guy sometimes.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 72
I'm a little over two months. While certainly no expert, why blow your 30 days? They were the toughest for me for sure. I still miss drinking somewhat, but it is fading. The other side of the ledger has too many benefits. Every single time I tried moderation, it always ended the same for me. Give yourself a giant pat on the back and stay strong!
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