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Old 07-02-2004, 11:38 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Treatment questions


I am trying to get information on how treatment affects people. I guess I should start from the beginning. I found out about a week ago I found out that my wife was taking pills. She is in treatment, but since then she has completely shut me out, she doesn't want me to see her, and doesn't want me to call her. I am just trying to find out if this is a normal process, or if I had done something wrong to hurt her treatment process. If it is normal, when does it normally end? Any info would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for all your information, and help.

Thanks,
Alan
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Old 07-02-2004, 11:51 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi Alan,
I'm Rowan, and I'm an alcoholic. I was in treatment for 28 days in October for pills/alcohol. Every treatment centre is different; some may not let the client
receive telephone calls, because it can sometimes interfere with treatment. I was
allowed to receive calls, but I know that this isn't the same everywhere. Regardless of whether these are the rules, what seems clear is that your wife doesn't want any contact while she is in treatment; it's hard, but try not to take it personally. It can be very difficult, and she really needs to be able to focus only on herself, and on her recovery right now. Give her the time and space to do this, and you'll both benefit in the end. Take care.
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Old 07-02-2004, 11:58 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi Alan,
Just want to echo Rowan here. Residential treatment is an intense emotional experience. Whatever the circumstances that land us there, it's a shock.
My first week, I was extremely withdrawn and wished absolutely no contact with anyone. And like Rowan said, there may be some rules and regulations at play here.
Give it time. She is safe and in a good place.
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Old 07-02-2004, 12:00 PM   #4 (permalink)
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thank you, I am trying to understand all of this, She can use the phone, and have calls. This has forced me to take a long look at myself, and to realize that she is not the only one that has a problem. I said that I would quit drinking when I found out about this, and when it came down to poring out the bottles, I thought to myself that i would just do it before she gets out. I have not quit, and I still drink almost every night. I have tried to stop, but I get depressed because I can't talk to her, so the logical solution for me is forget it have a drink, or as the case has been several drinks. I think I may need to look for some help myself. I am not sure if this is because of the situation, or something else. I did not drink everyday before this, only on the weekends, but when I did i got blitzed, I don't remember how i got home most nights. Do you all think i have a problem?

Thanks again,
Alan
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Old 07-02-2004, 12:07 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alaninok
I did not drink everyday before this, only on the weekends, but when I did i got blitzed, I don't remember how i got home most nights. Do you all think i have a problem?
That's a question for you to answer Alan. Your wife's situation may have triggered a behavior that is already firmly in place within you. I was a weekend warrior for a long time too, and I saw absolutely nothing wrong with drinking to pass out. As alcoholism and addiction are progressive things, I eventually carried the weekend behavior to a seven day a week gig. After that happens, all bets are off. Not remembering how you got home is called a blackout. Social, normal drinkers do not black out. Period.
So you may be killing two birds with one stone here.
Welcome to SoberRecovery Alan.
Read and post. There are answers everywhere in this support community.
And most of them lie within yourself.
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Old 07-02-2004, 12:11 PM   #6 (permalink)
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thank you dan, I have had to look at myself, and I am not liking what I see. I am going to find a meeting to go to, and start from there. Thanks
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Old 07-02-2004, 12:13 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Excellent post, Dan.
Best of luck Alan, hope to hear more from you in here.
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Old 07-02-2004, 12:13 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Looking at ourselves honestly saves our lives Alan.
We're all in the same boat.
I'm glad you're here.
And you're welcome
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Old 07-02-2004, 12:21 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Hello Alaninok,

Just wanted to let you know this is my 2nd here. I don't drink every day, but do drink too often I know and too much a lot of the times. I had a scarey experience the other night and don't remember much. It was a big wake up call for me and I am going to an AA meeting tomorrow. Several people have told me that they don't think that I really have a problem, I just need to do a better job at setting my limits.

Lately I haven't done such a good job at that. Alcohol does nothing positive for me and I know it isn't good for my body. I think it is best if I give it up. Problem is most the people I hang out with go to bars regularly. This will be difficult for me. I am going to try to focus on a couple hobbies and reducing the clutter in my life along with working out again. I hope I will be able to be strong enough to stick with it.

That is why I want to go to the AA meetings. For the support and understanding. I think if you think you have a problem, that is probably a sign that you do.

One day at a time.
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Old 07-02-2004, 12:24 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Louie
I think if you think you have a problem, that is probably a sign that you do.
Amen to that Louie. A meeting costs nothing. Sitting for an hour with recovering alcoholics can and will help you make up your mind one way or another. It's a win win situation.
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Old 07-02-2004, 12:36 PM   #11 (permalink)
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ALAN WELCOME,I'M TED ALCOHOLIC/ADDICT.
YOU REMINDED ME WHY I'M HERE,BLACKOUT DRINKING.
YOUR WIFE HAS ALOT GOING ON RIGHT NOW,AS DAN SAID SHE'S IN A SAFE PLACE,
DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
LIKE ROWAN SAID YOU WILL BOTH BENIFIT IN THE END.
PRAYERS TO YOU AND YOURS.....ted :rambo:
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Old 07-02-2004, 02:51 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I have been reading alot of posts here, and I have decided this is day one. I will not take a drink today. I am still concerned about my wife, I still call her that. Here is the story about that. I asked my wife to move out after a terrible fight we had, she actually cut herself up, and beat her face against the wall then called the police on me. We were seperated for 3 1/2 months and she had not looked for any help, I thought she had mental problems and with her not getting any help I filed for divorce. It was granted, and when I told her that is was done, she went off the deep end. But in the process of all that she ended up in treatment (for codependancy) Her mom works for a rehab facility, and suspected she was using and knew they would find the truth. 2 days after she was there, she called me and told me about her problem. I was completely caught off guard, I had no idea at all. But after realizing how bad things were, and her health problems, it was like a rude awakening. I finally realized how much I do really love her. And I want to work things out. I know she is mad at me now, she believes it is my fault she is there, and she is mad at her mom right now also, and won't talk to either of us. Her mom is also a 16 year recovering A. She says that she will realize and things will get better, but all I can do now is wonder, and hope that she will give us another chance, CLEAN and SOBER. I will keep you all informed on our progress with both our situation, and our disease. Thank you all for your info and support.

Thanks,
Alan
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Old 07-02-2004, 02:59 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Alan,

All I can offer you are my prayers, know you will be in my thoughts.

Triegger
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Old 07-02-2004, 03:02 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Thank you for sharing Alan.
I offer my pagan prayers for you both.
My wife and I are on the verge of separation.
Peace to us all man.
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Old 07-02-2004, 03:04 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Dan,

Thanks for all the support you have given me. Sorry to hear about your potential separation. The cool thing is I have enough prayers to go around.

Know you are in my thoughts,

Triegger
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Old 07-02-2004, 03:12 PM   #16 (permalink)
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It's all good in a way triegger. I'm grateful I decided to accept life on life's terms. I don't have to use or drink over this. Today, I have choices.
And like I posted elsewhere today, I'm simply in awe of seeing so many newcomers jumping right in and working the prime directive. One drunk helping another.
There is always something to smile about.
We simply have to look harder than most people sometimes
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Old 07-02-2004, 03:27 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DangerousDan
I don't have to use or drink over this. Today, I have choices.
And that is how it works!
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