My little cousin is dying and I drank
Josh - I drank the year my Dad was dying of cancer and it did cloud our final precious time together. I know the pain you are feeling and how it seems unbearable without the alcohol. But man I would trade anything to be able to go through it again sober and really have been there for my Dad and everyone in the family that was suffering. My sister was the only one sober during that time and I will never forget the care she provided to him in his last days. I think about this a lot, especially when my AV is acting up. There are no do-overs unfortunately. Prayers for you and your cousin.
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